The Great Blurendo
"More, more, more!" roared the great Skeith king of Meridell.
King Skarl laughed and laughed as the purple Blumaroo pulled out of his hat exactly
what Skarl requested - more, more, more. Out came a Harris, out came a bicycle,
out came a Meepit lamp that really shouldn't have been in there in the first place.
With each laugh of the king, the Blumaroo waved his hands again and performed
another one of his magical tricks and illusions.
"Hahaha!" King Skarl chortled, taking a gigantic
bite from the turkey leg he held. "You, sir, deserve this." Skarl, using his
free hand, reached around his throne and withdrew a certificate good for 'One
Blumaroo Court Jester Avatar' at the redemption center in Neopia Central. The
Blumaroo blushed as he grabbed the certificate, and then let out a terrifying
cry and the piece of parchment disappeared in a puff of yellow smoke.
"Thank you, sire," said the Blumaroo, nudging
the numerous objects on the floor in front of him towards the platform where
the throne stood on. "However, if you'll excuse me, I must take my leave. I'm
booked for a 'clowns-who-never-made-it' help group at noon."
The Blumaroo hopped away, and as he did so, he
smiled, hearing the sheer cries of joy that the King and his advisors spewed
from their lips, and knowing that he was the one who brought them.
But before he could reach the doors that led
to the outside of Meridell, King Skarl yelled out, "Halt! Come back here, young
The Blumaroo swiveled to the almighty King, and
slowly proclaimed, "My name is Gus. Or Gussy. Or Gussy Boy. But preferably Gus."
King Skarl raised an eyebrow. "Riiight. Anyway,
I need you to do something extremely important for me."
Gus, as he was now known, froze. Why would the
ruler of Meridell need a simpleton little Blumaroo magician like him? "Why would
the ruler of Meridell need a simpleton little Blumaroo magician like him. I
mean, why do you need me?"
"Because you're part of my plan, silly willy!"
King Skarl giggled humorously. "Now listen up. You need to head waaaay over
to Brightwavle, where my idiot of a brother lives. One of my helpers booked
him a magician for his monthly 'I Love Myself Supper'. And that magician's gonna
Gus's interest was already piqued. "Go on…"
"Okay. So you may know my brother's a big fart
dork, and he never laughs! Gosh, someone get him some happy medication! Anywho,
it's your assignment to make him laugh and put him in a state of good humor
so that I can break the unfortunate news that…t-that…"
"What is it, sire?"
"I RIPPED HIS BLANKEY!"
The Blumaroo stared. He had heard the rumors
of King Skarl being a bit off the Roo Island Merry-Go-Round, but seriously,
he hadn't expected this.
"His... blankey, sire?"
It was then that King Skarl launched into a twenty-minute
speech regarding the tale of King Hagan's Blankey. It encompassed said blankey's
origins, childhood uses, and significance to King Hagan. As Skarl went on about
how important it was to his brother, Gus slowly began to doze off.
"It wasn't until eighth grade that Haggie realized
the social dilemma caused by his fascination with Blankey. He was an awkward
child, no larger than a teenage Skeith should be..."
"Excuse me, King," Gus said finally, sitting
up from where he had slid to the ground in boredom, "but why are you telling
me all of this?"
"Because," said the King tearfully, "last night,
I... I... I RIPPED IT!" Skarl jumped out of his throne and began to pace around
the throne room. "I wasn't trying to, but I had to get rid of the clutter in
the attic so I sent one of my Draik maids and you know how they are with those
spikes and everything and so she started to clean in the attic and dust and
move things and throw things away and the blankey Hagan lent me for Halloween
got caught on her tail but she didn't notice and kept on moving with it pinned
on her tail and one thing led to another and the next thing I knew, there were
more pieces than Jhudora has problems."
Gus rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Okay, I'm
not Roxy or Hoprah or anything like that. I'll leave your psychological issues
The Blumaroo turned his back to King Skarl, and
began speeding his way towards the exit of the castle, until he heard that dreaded
Gus growled. "What is it, King Skarl?"
A tear rolled down King Skarl's cheek, and he
seemed to be clutching on to his throne a bit too tightly. "You must succeed
in this plan. O-or else…"
"Or else what?"
Suddenly, a mound of wet booger began oozing
out of King Skarl's nose. "I'LL ATTACK YOU WITH MY BOOGER ARMY!"
Gus's eyes widened in horror. "Aaaaah!" he shrieked,
and then ran out of the castle.
Once having reached a safe area where no boogers
could kill him, Gus stopped and took some breaths. All of this, Skeith's emotional
breakdown, the blankey, those disgusting boogers, seemed to have hit him too
swiftly. The magician couldn't believe the issues this family had. He looked
out, and peered at the horizon. All he saw was hills, but that sure didn't stop
his determination. He was going to be the best magician he possibly could be
for King Hagan, even if that meant…
"Oh, the thought is too painful," mumbled Gus
wearily, starting his long and tedious walk to Brightvale.
"WHO GOES THERE!?" boomed the castle guard.
Gus looked up at the two Draiks who stood on
the castle's outer edge, and... sighed. The King had sent him over to Hagan's
castle, and he hadn't even called to let them know to open the gate. He began
his standard speech for new clients:
"It is I, the Great Blurendo: worker of 'Wow!'s,
creator of 'Cool!'s, inventor of 'Incredible!'s, obtainer of 'OHMIGOSHICOULDNEVERDOSOMETHINGTHATFREAKINGAMAZINGINMYENTIRELIFE!'I
come bearing humor, magic, and wonder, a gift to King Phinneaus Hagan as offered
by the great King Thaddeus Skarl of Meridell."
The castle guards looked down at the Blumaroo
in the robe, then at each other. Gus noticed them whispering to each other as
he waited impatiently down at the steps of the steps of the castle. Finally,
they spoke up.
"Ahem." One Draik cleared his throat. "Thou shalt
be let in, but only if you... if you-"
"-Bring us a shrubbery!" shouted the other Draik.
The two guards snickered to each other, for this surely was an impossible task.
Gus, on the other hand, stared in wonder at the
two buffoons who stood above him. "You live in a freaking forest. You'd be hard-pressed
to find an area devoid of any sort of shrubbery in the first place."
The Draiks looked at each other, then back down
at Gus who was standing in a green area surrounded by... well, shrubs.
"You've, um... you've passed our test," the guard
improvised. "Come in."
And Gus started to shiver…
"Where to go, where to go," muttered Gus as he
crept down the mammoth halls of King Hagan's castle. He had never been directed
on where to go, so all of these turns and passages were confusing him.
"Helloooo?" Gus called out, gazing at the long
passage that never seemed to end. His voice echoed throughout the still area.
The Blumaroo rolled his eyes, and yelled out,
"Where oh where can I put this enormous container of Fried Chicken Breast that
I have with me?"
"WHO SAID THAT?!"
Gus grinned, and replied, "It's me, The Great
Blurendo! I have been sent here to perform my incredible duties of…magicalism!"
"Forget the magic, give me the chicken!"
An army of guards suddenly appeared out of thin
air in front of Gus.
"We're going to have to take you to the Royal
Hall," an Ixi guard stated strictly.
Gus was sure he had heard one of the guards whispering
to another about where his Fried Chicken Breasts were as he was being pulled
through the passage.
"Fat idiots," Gus muttered under his breath.
Soon, the mini-army made their way in the breathtaking
Royal Hall. They suddenly halted in front of a creature that seemed to only
be a big ball of fat with a crown on top of it.
Bingo, the Blumaroo thought to himself.
"I see no chicken!" the thing suddenly roared.
"You have lied to me!"
Gus gulped, quickly thinking of something to
say. "Oh, but King, you haven't let me perform my acts of magic. That is how
I will bestow you with this incredible, amazing…chicken," explained Gus slowly.
King Hagan sat still for a moment, and then grunted.
"Fine, but quickly. All of these shenanigans bore me to death."
Gus nodded, and cracked his girlish knuckles.
"For my first trick," he announced, pulling the
cap off his head, "I will be-"
"BOOOOOOOO!" came the giggles of the castle guards.
King Hagan, not knowing whether he should join in, joined in, and booed the
Blumaroo as well.
"Okay," sighed Gus, placing the wizard's hat
back on his cranium perch, "I guess I'll move on to the killer tank of Koi-"
"NEW TRICKS! NEW TRICKS!"
"All right, then, how about the Magic Meepit
"BRING ME A SHRUBBERY!"
"Look, I'm really starting to get-"
"BOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Gus shrieked at the top of his lungs, throwing his hat down upon the floor,
along with the Harris, the bicycle, the Meepit lamp that really shouldn't have
been in there in the first place. They crashed to the ground as Gus shouted
at the fat, dumb, ignorant Brightvaleians sitting in front of him, shocked.
"YOU WANT A CHICKEN!? YOU WANT A CHICKEN!? I'LL
GIVE YOU A FREAKING CHICKEN!"
With a flash of bright light and rainbow goodness,
Gus swung his arms around and out shot several dozen lightning bolts from his
purple fingertips. A mortified expression came over King Hagan's face, as well
as the Ixi guards, as each one of them quickly, and without any slow, grotesque
mutilation phase, turned into pieces of Fried Chicken Breast. Within moments,
the clothes, shields, and crown that the royal guards and king had on were smoldering
in a mound of fried, breaded yummyness.
Gus panted as he slumped to the ground in a sweat.
He sat there for a moment, looking at the mess he just caused.
"Oh my gosh," he gasped, looking at the mess
he just caused. "Look at the mess I've just caused! I'll be thrown to the Esophagor!
Well, we'll have to do something about that, then!"
The Blumaroo picked up his hat, dusted it off
a bit, and perched it back upon his head. He mumbled a few words and waved around
his arms, and suddenly, a flash of light surrounded him and the entire throne
"Well, now," he said, brushing off his shoulders,
"I suppose this new form will suit me quite well. Yes, quite very well."
And Hannah the Usul walked out of Brightvale