Now with 50% more useless text Circulation: 98,096,637 Issue: 194 | 10th day of Relaxing, Y7
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Secrets of the Game Graveyard

by sum41girl2k


HAUNTED WOODS – Good evening and welcome to this special news bulletin. Gracie the Grarrl here, reporting to you live from the ominous Game Graveyard nestled deep inside the Haunted Woods. Tonight, we shall expose to you the deep, dark secrets of this seemingly lifeless patch of ground, where underneath lie many neo-generations’ worth of games.

First off, let me give you some background information on this final resting place of worn out games for those that have never traversed the nether regions of Neopia before. Quoting the wooden sign conveniently tacked up outside the entrance to the graveyard, “It's where dead games go. Games so horrible, so scary that we had to remove them from the site…” When the programmers decide a game has lived out its appropriate lifetime, it is sent here to be buried.

Now, one of the common misconceptions of this location is that it is a favorite haunting spot of menacing ghosts that like to scare the living daylights out of Neopets that are innocently trying to play a round of Neo DJ. Well, *looks around* I don’t see any ghosts around here. But what I do see is a friendly old watchman over there that might be able to give us the inside scoop on what happens here on a night-to-night basis.

*Rushes over* Excuse me! Sir! Could we possibly take a few minutes of your time to interview you for an educational program about the Game Graveyard?

Grundo: *Awakens out of a Sardplant-Fruit-Grog-induced stupor* Urrgghhh… just a few more minutes, mum…

Gracie: EXCUSE ME!

Grundo: I SWEAR I DIDN’T DO IT!! …Oh. What are you lot doing here in the middle of the night?

Gracie: It’s 6 o’clock.

Grundo: Oh…… What can I do for you?

Gracie: What is your name, sir?

Grundo: Snarpip. Snarpip the Sleepy.

Gracie: Very well, Mr. Snarpip, can you tell us about your job here at the infamous Game Graveyard?

Grundo: Well, I just admit anyone through the gate who wants to have a go at these deceased games. Then I simply tap the desired game’s headstone like so. *Demonstrates* And the game magically pops up, controls and all.

Gracie: I understand. I have wandered in to play Destruct-o-Match a few times myself. Shame they replaced it. And what happens when a new game is being sent into the graveyard? Can you explain the process to us?

Grundo: Ahh, those are my favorite times of the year. They’re like a second Christmas for me… You see, every so often a team of top secret executives meet in a top secret location and exchange top secret information about which games are going to be retired next. Once they have reached an agreement, the orders for the specially engraved tombstones are sent out. The top secret executives then pass on their top secret instructions to the not-so-secret-but-still-unknown-to-the-average-Neopian game wranglers.

Gracie: Yes, go on.

Grundo: Then, the game wranglers sneak into the game room in the dark of the night. Using an ultramodern trapping mechanism (courtesy of Virtupets) the wranglers are able to suck all the characters and components of a specific game and lock it safely away into a tiny box. That box makes its last journey to the freshly hollowed square piece of earth whose contents have been emptied out and set aside for future use (also known as a hole). It is buried deep down in the dirt and will only be summoned by the touch of the tombstone.

Gracie: That is absolutely fascinating!

Grundo: Really? Most of the time I just sit around on my bum and open the gate for rowdy Unis that have come for the Mutant Graveyard of DOOM avatar.

Gracie: Err, ok… Do you mind if we have a look around?

Grundo: Be my guest. If you need me, I’ll just be over here… *Snuggles back down into a comfy spot among the roots of a Slimy Tree* Resting my eyes…

Gracie: Thank you, Mr. Snarpip.

Wasn’t that exciting, folks? A firsthand account of the Game Graveyard initiation! You won’t get that kind of journalism anywhere else. Well look here now. The first headstone you come across is the one for Freaky Factory. I suppose it was erected here to make avid avatar collectors run around in circles screaming about the fact that that had been practicing two weeks straight and were on the verge of getting that magical 1,250 points and it was retired. But no worries collectors! This was only put here as a joke by some mischievous top secret executives. Cooped up in an office all day long, they have to get their laughs somewhere too, you know.

Ah, if you turn to your left, the first group of games is visible behind that tree over there. Yes, it seems that all the games that were replaced by “newer, flashier” versions have been placed in this area right here. This has been affectionately named the “Resentful Region” of the graveyard because the games here are a tad grouchy about being traded in for their counterparts. Understandable, I’d say. How would you feel if one day, a scary man in an orange jumpsuit came to your house and told you your elbows were too hairy so you were to be replaced by a slightly less hairy version of yourself? That would be adding insult to insult for me. Anyway, the games currently residing here are: Destruct-O-Match I, Kiko Match I, Whack-A-Beast, Faerie Caves, Ice Cream Factory, Codebreakers, Chia Bomber, and Meerca Chase.

Now, as we continue further down the path, the rest of the games are coming into view. These are just the ones that have been deemed too frightening for human and Neopet eyes. Yes, things like Scorchio's Quest, Chomby and the Fungus Balls, the Mutant Graveyard of DOOM that has attracted so many people here for the Avatar, and Alpine Challenge. As a long time member of the community and lover of all things Neopian, I remember playing quite a few of these during my childhood. Oh how I loved challenging my friend to Earth Faerie Aces… *trails off*

*Ahem* Right, so as I was saying, these games lie here in commemoration of the past. Whenever anyone desires a quick stroll down memory lane, they may pop in here and get nostalgic about how many omelettes they had saved from the ravenous Skeiths in Omelette Defender. I believe that the top secret executives have been quite kind to give Neopia a second chance at experiencing these wonderful memories again.

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen; we have uncovered the secrets and found the deeper meaning of the Game Graveyard without a single ghost attack! Until next time, when I will be teaching you how to explore the wonders of Maraqua for under the cost of a Nuranna, this is Gracie the Grarrl signing out!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


A Day of Infamy: Part Four
"Maps?!" Samantha hopped off the bench. "That's perfect! All we have to do is locate the center on a map!"

by shadih_temporary


The Chronicles of Knight II: Rebuilding the Forsaken - Part Two
"You're home now, though," she voiced. "That's what matters. You can help to set things right. Along with Raatri and Lady Avari, Meridell and the Citadel will rise once more."

by fierwym


Savak: The Redemption - Part Seven
“Savak,” Kaylee said softly. “I…I’ve wondered, ever since I saw my daughter on Mystery island…how long have you cared for her?”

by zephandolf


The White Meowclops: Part Five
Auryn had not returned to his house. There were too many things that reminded him of his family, and plus it would be lonely with just him there...

by auntfalcor

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.