Sloth's Newest Plot
When I saw the Happiness Faerie appear in the Gallery of Heroes, I thought it
my duty as a Neopian Times reporter to get the dirt, so to say, on this faerie
who looks like Sloth.
Throughout time, we have seen Sloth try, and fail, to take over Neopia. These
plans involve the Virtupets Space Station and I have no doubt that he has thought
about Kreludor now and then. But we have foiled his plans. Us and the Space
Faerie that is. It seems that the Space Faerie could be Sloth’s biggest enemy.
Then, he must not have much of a tolerance for any faerie. But he knows that
Neopians trust faeries to get them out of hard times. And if the Faerie in question
isn’t a Darkness Faerie, or Eithne, chances are, Neopians will greet them with
open arms. So, what does he do you ask? He dresses up and pretends to be a Faerie
himself! If you look at the picture in the Gallery of Heroes, I’m sure you could
say that the Happiness Faerie bears an uncanny resemblance to Sloth. The face
and body built are the same. If you look carefully, you can see the wings are
cardboard. Faeries do not have cardboard wings. Now look at what he says:
Hello there, little darlings! I am the Sl*cough* Faerie!
He almost said Sloth but then he corrected himself. What real faeries would
call themselves Sloth? Look at this following passage:
Why, just a few years ago, I made sure all the Grundos from the Virtupets Space
Station were employed. I even gave them a magical potion that made them super
strong. They were much happier back then -- oh, how I wish I could help them
Well, Sloth did make give all the Grundos jobs. Those jobs were lives of enslavement
in his service. And he did make them super strong. That is, they were deformed
by Sloth. Yes, I’m sure all those Grundos appreciate Sloth’s help. *sarcasm*
And of course he wants to “help” them again, every evil villain needs others
to do their dirty work for them. Look at what he says next:
Also, I would like it to be known that Kreludite is a completely safe and stable
If you go to Kreludor, you can see that the mining corporation is shaped like
Sloth’s FACE! If Sloth was carrying on a possibly illegal mining business, he
wouldn’t want the entire world of Neopia to know that he was. So, by saying
Kreludite is safe, he makes it seem like it is safe, legal, and stable to mine
this material. And since he’s a “Faerie” everyone will believe him.
Another detail that points to there being no such thing as a Happiness Faerie
is the known Faeries of Neopia. Let’s see what Faeries we know about or have
heard of (through rumors, TCG cards, lists, collectable cards, etc.):
The Soup Faerie
The Negg Faerie
The Tooth Faerie
The Space Faerie
The Battle Faerie
The Grey Faerie
The Rainbow Fountain Faerie
The Dark Faerie Sisters
The Darkest Faerie
Siyana of Talador
These are all the faeries I could find after doing hours of long research.
Although the fact that we do not know of the Faerie isn’t much of an indicator
it doesn’t exist, it still piles on to the other, clearer, evidence of Sloth’s
Another piece of evidence that isn’t really an indicator is that all the faeries
are Neopia are beautiful. Even the Grey Faerie. It seems awfully odd to have
this new faerie which, for loss of better words, is pain to the eyes.
However, I know not many people will think this evidence is enough. So, I
decided to try to interview the Faerie Queen, Fyora. After many hours of staying
“on hold”, her secretary was able to schedule me in for an appointment. My interview
went something like this.
Me: Good day your highness.
Fyora: Good day, yourself. I understand you are from the Neopian Times.
Me: Yes ma’am. I was wondering if you could answer a few questions.
Fyora: Of course.
Me: Have you ever heard of the Happiness Faerie?
Fyora: Pardon, I thought you said, The Happiness Faerie.
Me: I did.
Fyora: There’s no such Faerie.
Me: According to the Gallery of Heroes there is.
Fyora: I am certain there is no such Faerie as the Happiness Faerie. Is this
some kind of joke?
Me: You can check yourself ma’am.
Fyora: Oh, I will. Don’t you worry.
Me: Well, let’s move on. What do you think of Dr. Sloth?
Fyora: From what the Space Faerie has told me, he seems to be a very evil person
who wishes to enslave Grundos and to use the Virtupets Space Station as a stepping
stone in order to take over Neopia.
Me: Is Kreludite a safe, stable material?
Fyora: No, as a matter of fact, it is anything but.
Me: What do you mean by that?
Fyora: I’m sorry, but the details of that investigation are classified.
Me: Fair enough. One last question: Have you heard of anything strange happening
Fyora: You’ll have to ask the Space Faerie that. I’m afraid I’m not that familiar
Me: Thank you for your time.
Fyora: You are most certainly welcome.
Next came the most difficult part of my investigation: finding the Space Faerie.
It took days of searching the night skies to find her and then more days to
get a chance to talk to her. Finally, she agreed for a very short interview.
Me: Thank you for agreeing to talk to me. It won’t be long. I promise.
Space Faerie: I hope it isn’t. I’m awfully busy you know.
Me: Well then, let’s get started. What do you think of Dr. Sloth?
Space Faerie: *raises an eyebrow* What kind of question is THAT?! I thought
you weren’t going to waste my time. I’ve obviously made that clear. That evil,
Space Faerie: No, I should be sorry. It’s just that Sloth gets me so mad. I’d
like to whack him into another dimension.
Me: Well that makes two of us. Have you heard of anything strange happening
Space Faerie: Funny you should ask. There ARE some strange things going on.
The purple and orange Grundos of Kreludor, once lived in peace and harmony.
But now it is as if someone is turning them against each other. Each group has
gathered behind a leader. The orange Grundos are behind Xarthab, an orange Grundo
who is not having much luck in his attempts to make peace. The purple Grundos
are behind Zorlix, the brother of Xarthab. Although I do not know exactly what
is angering them, it seems as if both sides feel oppressed by the other. Fights
have broken out from both sides. It seems as if each side is adding to the hatred.
Just last week, a purple Grundo published a book called “Attack of the Oranges”
which makes orange Grundos seem like evil, heartless brutes. The orange Grundos
have published a book titled “Orange Grundo Survival Handbook” that inaccurately
portrays orange Grundos being treated unfairly by purple Grundos. I’m afraid
that in a bit it will turn into a full out war.
Me: Well, I know you have to get back to whatever you’re doing so thank you
for your time.
Space Faerie: You’re more than welcome. I DO have a lot to do, don’t I?
Then, I went back home and studied my research. The pieces were coming together.
So now, I give you the truth behind the Happiness Faerie.
The Happiness Faerie is really Dr. Sloth in disguise! He wants to gain your
trust by acting like a happy, friendly, helpful Faerie. We will not be suspicious
in the least bit, if his plan works. And he will seize that opportunity to launch
another attack on Neopia. This time, he will be carefully poisoning the mind
of the purple and orange Grundos on Kreludor Each of them, thinking that they
are being treated unfairly, will be led by Xarthab and Zorlix into a huge war.
And with all that commotion going on, Sloth will seize his chance to mine Kreludite,
a material that is not safe and unstable; a material so dangerous that Fyora
keeps information about if confidential.
So, I urge everyone to not be fooled! Citizens of Neopia, do not trust the
Happiness Faerie! There is no such thing as a Happiness Faerie. It is Dr. Sloth
in disguise. If you do not believe me, re-read all that I have said. Residents
of the Virtupets Space Station, prepare for an attack. Stock up on weapons for
fight and food in case of a siege. Purple and orange Grundos, do not be fooled!
Sloth is turning you against each other. Do not buy “Attack of the Oranges”
or “Orange Grundo Survival Handbook.” Xarthab and Zorlix, do not start a war.
Not only would you be fighting your own brother but you would be used as tools
Alas, that is all I have to say. Remember my warning. Now I must go and earn
some Neopoints. Neopia is heading into war!
No offense meant to any Sloth supporters or Orange or Purple Grundos is