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Sloth's Newest Plot


by a_fowl_rox

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When I saw the Happiness Faerie appear in the Gallery of Heroes, I thought it my duty as a Neopian Times reporter to get the dirt, so to say, on this faerie who looks like Sloth.

Throughout time, we have seen Sloth try, and fail, to take over Neopia. These plans involve the Virtupets Space Station and I have no doubt that he has thought about Kreludor now and then. But we have foiled his plans. Us and the Space Faerie that is. It seems that the Space Faerie could be Sloth’s biggest enemy. Then, he must not have much of a tolerance for any faerie. But he knows that Neopians trust faeries to get them out of hard times. And if the Faerie in question isn’t a Darkness Faerie, or Eithne, chances are, Neopians will greet them with open arms. So, what does he do you ask? He dresses up and pretends to be a Faerie himself! If you look at the picture in the Gallery of Heroes, I’m sure you could say that the Happiness Faerie bears an uncanny resemblance to Sloth. The face and body built are the same. If you look carefully, you can see the wings are cardboard. Faeries do not have cardboard wings. Now look at what he says:

Hello there, little darlings! I am the Sl*cough* Faerie!

He almost said Sloth but then he corrected himself. What real faeries would call themselves Sloth? Look at this following passage:

Why, just a few years ago, I made sure all the Grundos from the Virtupets Space Station were employed. I even gave them a magical potion that made them super strong. They were much happier back then -- oh, how I wish I could help them once more!

Well, Sloth did make give all the Grundos jobs. Those jobs were lives of enslavement in his service. And he did make them super strong. That is, they were deformed by Sloth. Yes, I’m sure all those Grundos appreciate Sloth’s help. *sarcasm* And of course he wants to “help” them again, every evil villain needs others to do their dirty work for them. Look at what he says next:

Also, I would like it to be known that Kreludite is a completely safe and stable material!

If you go to Kreludor, you can see that the mining corporation is shaped like Sloth’s FACE! If Sloth was carrying on a possibly illegal mining business, he wouldn’t want the entire world of Neopia to know that he was. So, by saying Kreludite is safe, he makes it seem like it is safe, legal, and stable to mine this material. And since he’s a “Faerie” everyone will believe him.

Another detail that points to there being no such thing as a Happiness Faerie is the known Faeries of Neopia. Let’s see what Faeries we know about or have heard of (through rumors, TCG cards, lists, collectable cards, etc.):

The Soup Faerie

The Negg Faerie

The Tooth Faerie

Fyora

The Space Faerie

The Battle Faerie

Taelia

Jhuidah

The Grey Faerie

Illusen

Jhudora

Psellia

Eithne

Maelstra

Fuhnah

Iyana

Nereid

Aethia

The Rainbow Fountain Faerie

The Dark Faerie Sisters

The Darkest Faerie

Siyana of Talador

These are all the faeries I could find after doing hours of long research. Although the fact that we do not know of the Faerie isn’t much of an indicator it doesn’t exist, it still piles on to the other, clearer, evidence of Sloth’s disguise.

Another piece of evidence that isn’t really an indicator is that all the faeries are Neopia are beautiful. Even the Grey Faerie. It seems awfully odd to have this new faerie which, for loss of better words, is pain to the eyes.

However, I know not many people will think this evidence is enough. So, I decided to try to interview the Faerie Queen, Fyora. After many hours of staying “on hold”, her secretary was able to schedule me in for an appointment. My interview went something like this.

Me: Good day your highness.

Fyora: Good day, yourself. I understand you are from the Neopian Times.

Me: Yes ma’am. I was wondering if you could answer a few questions.

Fyora: Of course.

Me: Have you ever heard of the Happiness Faerie?

Fyora: Pardon, I thought you said, The Happiness Faerie.

Me: I did.

Fyora: There’s no such Faerie.

Me: According to the Gallery of Heroes there is.

Fyora: I am certain there is no such Faerie as the Happiness Faerie. Is this some kind of joke?

Me: You can check yourself ma’am.

Fyora: Oh, I will. Don’t you worry.

Me: Well, let’s move on. What do you think of Dr. Sloth?

Fyora: From what the Space Faerie has told me, he seems to be a very evil person who wishes to enslave Grundos and to use the Virtupets Space Station as a stepping stone in order to take over Neopia.

Me: Is Kreludite a safe, stable material?

Fyora: No, as a matter of fact, it is anything but.

Me: What do you mean by that?

Fyora: I’m sorry, but the details of that investigation are classified.

Me: Fair enough. One last question: Have you heard of anything strange happening on Kreludor?

Fyora: You’ll have to ask the Space Faerie that. I’m afraid I’m not that familiar with Kreludor

Me: Thank you for your time.

Fyora: You are most certainly welcome.

Next came the most difficult part of my investigation: finding the Space Faerie. It took days of searching the night skies to find her and then more days to get a chance to talk to her. Finally, she agreed for a very short interview.

Me: Thank you for agreeing to talk to me. It won’t be long. I promise.

Space Faerie: I hope it isn’t. I’m awfully busy you know.

Me: Well then, let’s get started. What do you think of Dr. Sloth?

Space Faerie: *raises an eyebrow* What kind of question is THAT?! I thought you weren’t going to waste my time. I’ve obviously made that clear. That evil, pompous, selfish...

Me: Sorry.

Space Faerie: No, I should be sorry. It’s just that Sloth gets me so mad. I’d like to whack him into another dimension.

Me: Well that makes two of us. Have you heard of anything strange happening around Kreludor?

Space Faerie: Funny you should ask. There ARE some strange things going on. The purple and orange Grundos of Kreludor, once lived in peace and harmony. But now it is as if someone is turning them against each other. Each group has gathered behind a leader. The orange Grundos are behind Xarthab, an orange Grundo who is not having much luck in his attempts to make peace. The purple Grundos are behind Zorlix, the brother of Xarthab. Although I do not know exactly what is angering them, it seems as if both sides feel oppressed by the other. Fights have broken out from both sides. It seems as if each side is adding to the hatred. Just last week, a purple Grundo published a book called “Attack of the Oranges” which makes orange Grundos seem like evil, heartless brutes. The orange Grundos have published a book titled “Orange Grundo Survival Handbook” that inaccurately portrays orange Grundos being treated unfairly by purple Grundos. I’m afraid that in a bit it will turn into a full out war.

Me: Well, I know you have to get back to whatever you’re doing so thank you for your time.

Space Faerie: You’re more than welcome. I DO have a lot to do, don’t I?

Then, I went back home and studied my research. The pieces were coming together. So now, I give you the truth behind the Happiness Faerie.

The Happiness Faerie is really Dr. Sloth in disguise! He wants to gain your trust by acting like a happy, friendly, helpful Faerie. We will not be suspicious in the least bit, if his plan works. And he will seize that opportunity to launch another attack on Neopia. This time, he will be carefully poisoning the mind of the purple and orange Grundos on Kreludor Each of them, thinking that they are being treated unfairly, will be led by Xarthab and Zorlix into a huge war. And with all that commotion going on, Sloth will seize his chance to mine Kreludite, a material that is not safe and unstable; a material so dangerous that Fyora keeps information about if confidential.

So, I urge everyone to not be fooled! Citizens of Neopia, do not trust the Happiness Faerie! There is no such thing as a Happiness Faerie. It is Dr. Sloth in disguise. If you do not believe me, re-read all that I have said. Residents of the Virtupets Space Station, prepare for an attack. Stock up on weapons for fight and food in case of a siege. Purple and orange Grundos, do not be fooled! Sloth is turning you against each other. Do not buy “Attack of the Oranges” or “Orange Grundo Survival Handbook.” Xarthab and Zorlix, do not start a war. Not only would you be fighting your own brother but you would be used as tools of Sloth!

Alas, that is all I have to say. Remember my warning. Now I must go and earn some Neopoints. Neopia is heading into war!

No offense meant to any Sloth supporters or Orange or Purple Grundos is meant.

 
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