Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 97,025,825 Issue: 191 | 21st day of Hunting, Y7
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Dieter and the Fatness Issue

by hottamale0774


"Hey, Dieter, eaten any good snow lately?" a voice taunted from behind Dieter.

     The Polarchuck turned around, searching for the origin of the voice.

     "Are you scared, Dieter? Do you think the big-bad voice is going to get you?"

     Suddenly, Dieter knew. His fright was replaced by anger.

     "Kibbly, that's really....really..." Dieter paused, at a loss for words.

     "Really what?"

     "Really mean!"

     The voice started laughing; Dieter now knew that the voice belonged to Kibbly the invisible Warf. More voices started laughing too. Dieter sighed. He was having a bad day; it wasn't the best time to be attacked by The Invisibles; a gang of invisible petpets that tormented visible petpets, mostly Dieter.

     "Guys, can we just be friends? We could torment other petpets together," Dieter lamely suggested.

     Kibbly laughed again, followed by his faithful gang.

     "Don't you wish, Fatso. Just keep to your snow munching."

     Dieter heard the soft crunch of snow as the gang walked past Dieter, invisible arms punching him in the stomach as they passed.

     You see, Dieter was the star of a game called Snowmuncher, which you have probably heard of. Dieter loved playing the game and helping Neopians learn Neopoints, plus he loved eating the snow. Eating snow since the day he was born had not helped his looks, though, and two years later he was as round around his middle as a ball. The Invisibles, unfortunately, came to be soon after Dieter got his middle. He was used to their tormenting by now, but it still did not make getting through it any easier. Dieter prayed every night that a miracle would happen and he would be skinny and athletic. He didn't really want to be in The Invisibles, but he needed to be in it to keep from being bullied. Dieter had a feeling if he was skinny they might let him in; he could be their one visible member.

     Dieter sadly continued his walk home. He rubbed his aching stomach and cried in self pity as he trudged through the snow. His home was not too far away from Snowmuncher, and so he was there quickly. His mother waited just inside the door for him.

     "Tough day?" Mother asked.

     Dieter nodded. "Do you have dinner ready? I need it."

     Mother nodded and began the short walk to the kitchen. Dieter rubbed away his tears and followed her. Mother was a plump Polarchuck. Dieter was fatter than her, but she was still plump. She had blond hair and wore too much bright red lipstick. In public, Dieter was embarrassed to be seen with her, but at home he enjoyed her company.

     In the kitchen, Grandma Polarchuck sat at the small, round table. She was also plump and had gray hair tied into a tight bun. She was hard of hearing and said, "eh?" at every thing said to her.

     Dieter sat down next to Grandma, who he liked more than Mother.

     "How was your day, Grandma?" Dieter asked as dinner was put in front of him, a plate full of steaming vegetables and Neggs.

     "Eh?" Grandma asked.

     "HOW WAS YOUR DAY, GRANDMA?" Dieter shouted.

     "You don't have to shout, Sonny, I'm not deaf. My day was good; how was yours?" Grandma finally replied.

     "Bad. There was no business at Snowmuncher today and The Invisibles tormented me on my way home."


     "I'm sorry, Sweetie," Mother said as she sat down next to Grandma. "Did they torment you because you're fat?"

     Dieter sadly nodded, poking his vegetables with his fork. Mother suddenly smiled.

     "I forgot to tell you, Dieterkins..."

     "I hate that pet name, Mother."

     "Sorry, Dietie..."

     "Hate than one too."

     "Fine; I'll just call you Dieter! Happy?"

     "Yes, very."

     "Anyways, I forgot to tell you a faerie came in and left me a message to tell you."

     "Really? About what?"

     "The exact message was: 'Tell Dieter that what he wants his waiting for him on Mystery Island, right underneath Techo Mountain.'"

     "Is what I want something to make me not fat?"

     "That's the whole message."

     "Well I better get going, then," Dieter said, standing up.

     "Aren't you going to eat your dinner?" Mother asked.

     "I'm not that hungry."

     Dieter kissed Mother, and then Grandma, who said, "eh?"

     "Bye, when you see me again I'll be skinny!" Dieter said as he marched out the door and into the cool Terror Mountain air.


     At sunrise the next morning, Dieter found himself eagerly waiting to hop off the ferry onto Mystery Island with the rest of the Neopians on his boat. He bounded off, happy as a Gelert puppy. He almost ran right by the Spardel holding a sign that in bright, red letters said, "Dieter the Polarchuck." Dieter stopped short next to the Spardel.

     "Hello," Dieter said cautiously.

     "Close your eyes," the Spardel instructed, ignoring Dieter's remark.

     "Why?" Dieter asked.

     "Just do it!" the Spardel screamed.

     Dieter quickly closed his eyes. They were not closed for but a second when Dieter heard, "open them."

     Dieter opened them to see Techo Mountain, which he was not standing by before.

     "How'd you do that?" Dieter asked the Spardel, but the Spardel was gone.

     Shrugging, Dieter proceeded to march straight forward, searching for whatever it was he wanted. He found it quickly; it was pretty obvious to where it was. It was a package wrapped in brown paper. There was a note attached, which Dieter took off. It read:


     Drink the contents of the bottle you will find right away, and then close your eyes. Open them in exactly five seconds, and when you do you will be in front of Snowmuncher, and skinny. Good luck in your new, skinny life!

The Faeries

     Intrigued, Dieter picked up the package and tore off the brown paper. He revealed a pink and blue drink in a small glass bottle, corked at the top. He immediately pulled out the cork and chugged the drink down. It actually tasted good, like some tropical fruits he had tried once. Dieter closed his eyes.

     One Haunted Woods, two Haunted Woods, three Haunted Woods, four Haunted Woods, five Haunted Woods, Dieter thought, and then opened his eyes.

     He was, indeed, in front of Snowmuncher on his native Terror Mountain. Dieter decided people could live without Snowmuncher today, and started on his way home.

     About halfway home, Dieter felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, searching for whoever did that. He saw no one.

     "Hi, Kibbly," Dieter said with a smirk.

     "Hey, Dieter, I just have to say you look great! How did you get skinny so fast?" Kibbly asked from Dieter's right side.

     "Oh, let's just say it was a miracle."

     "I was wondering if you wanted to join The Invisibles? You can be our visible representative."

     Dieter thought about it. For some reason, he actually did want to be part of The Invisibles.

     "That would be great," Dieter said with a smile.

     "Great, we'll meet you at Snowmuncher at, say, five?" Kibbly asked.

     "Sounds good to me; see you there!"

     Dieter waved goodbye as he saw footsteps in the snow moving away. Dieter continued on his way home, happier than ever. When he arrived home, Mother kissed him over and over again.

     "You look so good, Dietie!" she shouted over and over again.

     Grandma smiled and gave him a pat on his back.

     "You look great, Sonny," she said.

     The three sat down at the table for a huge celebratory dinner. They ate until all three were beyond stuffed, and then went to bed, ready to face the next day.

     The funny thing about this whole story is, the potion was fake; Dieter did not lose a pound from it. The only thing it did was boost his confidence, so it made everyone else think he was skinnier also. That shows what some extra confidence can do.

The End

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