NEOPIAN STREET - Latest stories from the Neopian streets!
People seem to inhale mildly true stories as if they are oxygen. So, as I was
rotting in the prison cell I was unfairly placed in by Dr. Sloth, I figured
that Neopians should be able to breathe in some of the newest possibly true
stories, all in one place!
Unfortunately, there can only be one issue of Neopian Gossip. We have received
far too many threats to go on for any longer.
Madly in Love?
The Lab Ray Scientist and the Soup Faerie have been seen browsing Neopia Central
side by side. When asked about this possible relationship, the Soup Faerie was
quite annoyed and replied simply, “It’s a friendship, and there’s nothing wrong
with it”. The scientist had a bit of a different tone however, as he said “Bwuahaha!”
It’s been reported that whenever he’s next to the kind faerie, his eyes seem
to roll, the sure-fire sign that he’s in love.
The endearing staff member that is passionately known as Mr. Insane was seen
being admitted to the local asylum. When our reporters approached his lawyer
and politely questioned him about the staff member’s insanity, he stopped short,
stared at our reporters, blew mucus all over their notebooks, and ran away at
an incredible speed.
Punchbag Bob’s Tired!
Our polite ally known as Punchbag Bob let’s us practice our Battledome skills
on his poor, soft body. Lately, though, he seems to whine more and more each
time he is beat on. “I’m sick of being a Punchbag,” he openly announced to our
reporters, “Each day the stuffing is beat out of me at least 200 times, and
it hurts! I don’t want to do this anymore!”
To be released?
The bored Cellblock challengers/prisoners known as Clop, Barallus, Squire Meekel,
The Yellow Knight, and Number Five have been trapped in their prison cells located
in the dungeons of the Darigan Citadel for some time now. There has been some
talk of their release, however, and many of the citizens of Neopia are chattering
excitedly about them roaming the streets once again. “Absolutely not!” Master
Vex bellowed when asked about these rumors, “We would never let out some of
our greatest threats out to roam the streets again! I shun you for asking me
such a thing.” The Warden did just that, so we didn’t really great a straight
Several complaints have been sent to the makers of the Bendy Desk Light. “I
was simply doing my homework when I accidentally looked into the light!” one
aggravated pet said, “I got an F on my paper because all of my words were on
top of each other. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t see!” The makers of the light
claim that they’ve put a disclaimer on each product, saying that the owner should
avoid looking straight into the light. “I never saw that!” The irritated pet
said. When his defected Bendy Desk Light was checked, the disclaimer seemed
to have been scratched off.
The Last Days
Mike and Carassa have been in their igloo, fetching items from their attic
to sell to Neopians for some time now. “We’re starting to run out of items!”
we heard Mike say to Carassa as we were hiding out behind a box full of food.
When they spotted us, they chased us out of their igloo, screaming for us to
never return. We believe that is because they wish to hide the fact that the
garage sale that we all hold near and dear to our hearts is reaching it’s final
By extreme coincidence, one of reporters happened to be scanning the Moon of
Kreludor, when she spotted some of the most popular villains exiting a large
facility just south of the Kreludan Mining Corp. Some of these exiting evil
ones were Dr. Sloth, Lord Kass, Lord Darigan, and Jhudora. When we approached
the terrifying fiends, they warmly expressed what they were doing in that large
building. “That is our EVC facility,” Sloth explained. “We talk about every
terrible World Domination plot in there,” Jhudora added. “All things malicious,”
Lord Darigan warmly concluded. The happy villains then left with a wave, laughing
There has been plenty of talk on the trustworthy message boards about the Fountain
Faerie giving out more quests. Many are excited when they see the event that
says they must find an incredibly cheap item, but then sob when they find out
they can only paint their pet one of the basic colors. “What’s going on?” Many
demand, their sadness turning to fury. Perhaps that Fountain Faerie is hoping
that Neopia will be destroyed by all the users revolting against the random
Not so Monotonous
There have been recent reports stating that the Wheel of Monotony is becoming
less monotonous. “I only waited 30 minutes!” One excited user stated, proving
our theory. “It seems to be going by faster,” another user said in a skeptical
tone. Yes, perhaps our boring friend is becoming less and less monotonous, and
more and more quick and exciting.
There have been reports that Illusen the kind and gentle Earth Faerie is becoming
evil and malignant. “She yelled at me really loud!” one user stated between
sobs. “I wasn’t on time, heaven forbid, and she became quite irritated,” another
said. We all know that Illusen is deprived of attention, so perhaps everyone’s
favorite faerie is hoping to be entered in the Gallery of Evil?
Some of our most depressed friends have been that way for quite some time.
Some of them include King Skarl, The Wheel of Mediocrity host (what’s that guy’s
name anyway?), Jhudora, and many others were found exiting a large building
off the coast of Mystery Island. Our reporters attempted talking to each one
of them, but most simply waved us away. We got a few words from the leader of
the group, who asked us to leave her unnamed. “This is a group for all those
who’ve been feeling depressed, angry, or especially evil lately,” she said,
clapping her hands together, “we offer many ideas to help them feel happy once
again, or for the very first time. We call ourselves the ‘Keep Your Chin Up
Group’, or ‘KYCU’.” Perhaps old King Skarl won’t need so much cheering up and
Jhudora will be active enough to get her own items in the near future?
Washed in the brain?
Perhaps you have noticed that Tombola seems to be giving out fewer booby prizes.
Without a whole lot of proof, our reporters have concluded that our friend the
Tombola Man has been brainwashed. We asked why there have been fewer prizes
given to losers, but the man just stared at us blankly. That could have been
either because he is brain-dead from some serious hypnotism, or because all
of our reporters were dressed as pickles. However, we doubt the latter is true.
One Gelert has filed a lawsuit against the “Kiss the Mortog” game. “My client
has received multiple warts near her lips, nose, and forehead,” the woman’s
lawyer informed us, “We have decided to file charges against the makers of the
game, the Mortogs, and lily pads for my client’s extreme discomfort and ugliness.”
Currently, the case is being looked at.
“I’m shocked and appalled!”
A poor starry Kacheek was visiting the Chocolate Factory when she spotted a
tasty morsel. “It looked so good!” The Kacheek claimed, “and I just had to have
it. I didn’t have much Neopoints, about 600, and the piece of chocolate was
652. I tried to haggle with the shop keeper, but he kept denying my offers.
So, I finally offered 601 Neopoints. That’s when…he…yelled, and forced me out
of his shop!” The Kacheek said between sobs. “I’m shocked and appalled, and
this man has caused me extreme grief,” the Kacheek said, a bit angrier. When
we approached the horrible shopkeeper, he ran off, pleading the 5th.