The most fantastic thing in the universe! Circulation: 97,025,825 Issue: 191 | 21st day of Hunting, Y7
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Magic or Mud?

by dewonthelilyms


JUNK PILE - I always wonder about new "junk" items that flood Neopia. Are they really just a worthless item, a piece of junk? Should I collect 1000 of them, or should I sell off as many as I can and avoid them like the plague? At one time Neopox pizza could be bought for 250 Neopoints or less and now 4000 Neopoints is closer to the purchase price. Garlic necklaces were even cheaper than the Neopox pizza and recently they shot to fame and became the new "in Thing" to have. Well, with these things in mind I come to my dilemma. The Unlabelled Tin Can.

To the average person it just might look like a dirty, boring, and gray unlabelled tin can. There seems to be nothing you can do with it! But here now in front of all of you I shall confess. I have been collecting them. I am not announcing this to start a mad rush to the shop wizard in hopes that the mass hysteria buying will raise the price sky high and I can finally make my millions. I am telling you this in hopes that there is someone out there that can relate to my paranoia and maybe help me through these tough times.

My paranoia is about "What is in the can?" IS it a peach puree, or a can of snot? Will a faerie pop out of the can and grant me one special wish or will I get food poisoning from the edibles inside? What will happen if I open the can and nothing happens? The possibilities are endless. The can, though unappealing in its appearance, holds more wonders inside for me than Pandora's Box (A fancy box that a girl named Pandora opened letting all the bad things in the world out creating in us the need to play Neopets to remember that there is good things in the world). In one hand I can't wait to open it and see the wondrous things inside. They could be random items that surprise or disappoint, or it could be a singular set item that lights up the universe and makes the world a better place, like peach jelly!

Now you’re thinking, what is this chick’s problem. What matters what's in the can when you can't get into it! Well I thought long and hard about that and the answer came to me in a blinding flash (Well actually I fell asleep at the computer and hit my head when it fell), and it came to me. What we need is wonderful, fabulous, one of a kind, hard to find, CAN OPENER, hand style or electric. It would be a rare item that only the rich could afford and the Neopoint poor would strive for. It would come in many colors Red, Blue, Green and the rare Rainbow! You would have to keep it in your inventory with the unlabelled tin can and voila instant spaghetti. Can openers could be bought in the new kitchenware store, Located in downtown Neopia Central, and it would be run by Yob the Yurble, of course. In this wonderful store you can find the can opener of your dreams. Now a store like this would need to branch out to other products to keep afloat in the economy. This would prompt the need for dish sets in a variety of styles and colors, personalized platters and table settings grand enough for a king, silverware made of gold and, well, silver of course, as well as poor people plastic, there would be pots (I want copper of course) and pans. Or...

A mysterious counter appears out of nowhere, it’s pristine whiteness contrasts with the blue brick of the wall behind, and right in the center of it is the GREAT CAN OPENER!!! It's silver arms shining in the morning sunrise. It's never rusting continence beckoning "come to me, let me open your tins.” A gentle breeze would blow past you as you lifted your can up to the electric button and opened it to find what you’ve always dreamed of. To counteract this entire perfectness they would have to set limits. You could only open your cans 3 times a day. You would also have to wait in line behind a sick Kyrii who keeps blowing her nose, and it would have to be raining. If you couldn’t afford the 500-Neopoint price for that much happiness you could always go to the deserted fairgrounds and try your luck with the hand held crank opener. Sometimes it would open it and sometimes it’s dull blade and sharp pointy handle wouldn’t be able to get the can open and it would have to be thrown away. But no one would care, because if they were lucky they would finally find out what was inside the mysterious unlabelled tin can.

I have spent many a day pondering how great our world would be with the possibilities of the great can opener. I have told my children of the utopia to come, where we all will no longer quest for the unknown inside the can, where all shall be explained. I can't wait until the great celebrations on Unlabelled Tin Can Day, or to collect the tin can plushie, or turn my pet into the Unlabelled Tin Can Pet, or maybe give my pet a tin can as a Petpet. It is a great future I see for Neopia and I can't wait until it happens.

Until my fondest wishes come true I shall sit here day after day and collect those unlabelled tin cans. I will fill up my safety deposit box until it overflows, until my pockets are so heavy I can no longer lift up my feet. And on the day my dream comes true I shall invite all of you to a party, where we shall all eat our fill of canned Acara spaghetti, crushed tchea berry sauce, and a hot bowl of Snorkle snout soup. Until that great day, when we shall all meet, one last word of advice...Stay away from my tin cans!

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