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The Breadmaster Speaks

by pandabearb


NEOPIAN BAKERY - Ahh! Where did you all come from? What do you mean you’re my new employees? I don’t recall ever hiring more workers. I see, my assistant manager was responsible for this? Fine, fine, allow me to introduce myself! I am the Breadmaster! Stop making fun of me! The Breadmaster is my real name! You new employees are going to be hard to train, I can see it already. Let’s go on a tour of the bakery then, shall we?

Right now we are in the amazing main lobby. This is where customers from everywhere come and get the best baked goods that money can buy from me! We have a Ruki all the way from the Lost Desert over there and, oh my! What on earth is that? It looks like a--JubJub, but from where? Maraqua you say? Well, I suppose it is rather cool looking…The point is that he came a long way to eat our bread! Neopets depend on us to satisfy their hunger, and as the Breadmaster, that is what I aim to do forever.

Of course, good appearance is always necessary when working with the customers! They expect to be served by somebody with good posture, clean clothes, excellent hygiene, and an overly-large smile! For example, the yellow Aisha that stands amongst you has dried tomato all over herself! Unacceptable! If I ever see something like that again, you will be out of here before you even can comprehend the words, “You’re fired!” Appearance is extremely important, and I expect you to all to take note of that.

Good etiquette and people skills are also very necessary! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost a customer because some young pet from the “hood” scares them away, sometimes on purpose! When someone comes in you say, “Welcome to our bakery!” Under no circumstances will you say, “What do ya want?” And when someone buys one of our pastries, you tell them, “Thank you so much and have a wonderful day!” you don’t say, “Good, now leave.” Impeccable manners include avoiding doing many things. These include wiping your nose on your sleeve, stuffing a whole doughnut in your mouth, pointing at customers in an accusing manner, and throwing crumbs at your co-workers and/or our customers. I will watch out carefully that any of the above rules are not broken as well as the rules that are in this three hundred and ninety-six page book each of you are receiving right now. Study and memorize it.

Periodically during the day I may come over to you and ask something such as, “What is rule two-hundred and two?” You will be expected to know that rule two hundred and two is that you do not hang food of off your face by sticking your nose through the hole in a doughnut!

That pretty much covers the overview for the main lobby. I will now take you into the secret back of our bakery where all of the magic happens! Prepare to be astounded and have your sketch books out because this is a very historic moment! Not many pets get to experience something as magnificent as this. Okay, follow me.

Notice and admire the beautiful gold crown molding that frames our ceiling. Ahem, no it is not just painted gold! Over there we have our controlled fires which are used for baking our food. Those fires are watched by the finest in Neopia. We’ve only had a little problem twenty-seven different times. If some of you are lucky, you may be trained for the baking-watching process.

In the back corner we have the mixers. We at the bakery give our mixers only the finest of equipment. Tin bowls as big as an Eyrie our used. Each mixer is given a stepstool to stand on so that they can do their jobs more effectively. They are also given giant wooden spoons and frequent water breaks. Mixing is an extremely tough job! This is also a career that some of you may be fortunate enough to get, but keep in mind that it involves a lot of physical strength! For example, the little yellow Lenny in the back of the group looks like a weakling. He will be put on something easy that doesn’t involve strength at all.

I could never forget about those that knead the dough, shape the dough, and decorate the dough, so that it has the beautiful appearance that you all see as you shove it into your repulsive, little mouths. These Neopets are the most important employees in the shop. Well, heh, besides me, of course! They are the most trustworthy and experienced ones, and have quite a creative gene as well, might I add! Their responsibility is to frost the doughnuts and add cherries on top of the most expensive pastries. They work with the product when it is still in the making, and they finish the product off after it has been baked. There is no room for error in this job, and they know it! Many a times have I had to fire a pet because they were silly enough to put one sprinkle in the wrong place! Our customers expect perfection, and I would hate to see their faces if there were fifteen sprinkles on their doughnut instead of fourteen! Their agony would be heart-breaking for me! IF one of you is lucky enough you MIGHT get the chance to be one of these treasured workers, but looking at the lot of you, I have my doubts.

So, there you have it. Assuming that you survive the first week of training, this bakery will be your new home and workplace during the day. I expect you all to give a hundred and seven percent twenty-four hours of the day! I don’t care if you go home at nine, work with me here! Literally! I don’t know why you all are just standing around! There are things to be done! Don’t forget that you have a boss to please--me! I am the Breadmaster! Ahh…I love my job.

Author’s Note: This is my first real attempt at an article, so I hope you enjoyed it… even if it was complete nonsense!

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