Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 90,556,196 Issue: 161 | 8th day of Collecting, Y6
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Direct From The Annual Gormball Championships

by pk_fire14



Shoyruki: Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to the 6th annual Gormball Championships, the game that has everyone wondering how a ball can explode in a shower of acid and reform instantaneously. I’m your host, Shoy Shoyruki.

Tonummo: And I’m Ton Tonummo, the co-host of this special live broadcast. We’ve been eagerly awaiting this event all year, and are looking forward to a great day of timing, passing, strategy, and of course, funny explosions.

Shoy: As you can see, the competitors are making their way down to the field now. Look! There’s Brian the Red Scorchio. Brian claimed the Golden Gormball trophy last year before unfortunately testing positive for illegal Chokato injections. One can wonder how he dares to show his face this year.

Ton: One can only wonder, Shoy. And here comes Ursula the Usul, who claims that she’s been practicing all year with her mint condition Gormball Usuki™ Play Set. Apparently she doesn’t want a repeat of her usual tendency to forget that she’s holding the ball and have it go off in her face after six minutes.

Shoy: Representing the Faerieland Team is Ember the Fire Faerie, who scores an average of 59gpg (Gormpoints Per Game) and more if she can succeed in casting her spells that set the opponents on fire.

Ton: I’m sure that sparks will fly. Next up is Thyassa, who has stepped back into the Purple Chia color and species just for the day, and is waving happily and saying something about bringing the entire wrath of TheNeopetsTeam down on anyone if they don’t support him.

Shoy: Haha, what a kidder, Ton. See, the crowd loves him so much that they’re emptying their wallets onto the playing field and holding up placards that show Thyassa as Master of The Universe.

Ton: We’ll be right back to the Annual Gormball Championships right after these messages.

Pleasant Kougra Voice: Is there something missing in your life? We know what it is. You just need a little-

Hard Rock Grundo Chorus: MARROW!!!

Pleasant Kougra Voice: Everyone ca always use a lot of-

Hard Rock Grundo Chorus: MARROW!!!

Pleasant Kougra Voice: So come on down to MeriAcres Farms, and enjoy some tasty, juicy, reasonably priced-

Hard Rock Grundo Chorus: MARROW!!! MARRRRRROOOOOOWWWW!!!!

(A lavish action sequence, involving, among other things, exploding marrows and a falling Kau.)

Ton: Welcome back to the Gormball Championships. The game has just started, and the entire crowd is waiting with baited breath, especially those who sampled the Honey & Garlic Grubwiches from the snack vendor.

Shoy: And OOOOHHHH, that’s a bad start for Kevin Korbat, who was blasted in the head by the Gormball after a 84mph toss from Gargarox Isafuhlarg. That’s gotta sting.

Ton: Indeed, Shoy. Kevin hasn’t had a very good sports season at all, not since that unfortunate falling Elephante-Morphing-Potion incident in Korbat’s Lab.

Shoy: And now the ball’s going from Brian to Farvin III, the Alien Aisha sporting hair products sponsored by NeoCement Industries. Farvin passes to Ember, to Ursula and OUCH! There goes Brian after a nasty quick toss from Ursula. Brian unfortunately had his hands full with his illegal GormBallBlaster and was unable to block the toss.

Ton: But it was a nice move on Ursula’s part. She’ll surely win a Pink Gormball bonus for that.

(short pause)

Shoy: That was unexpected. Ursula forgot to pocket the Pink Gormball and it exploded all over her nice new dress, putting her out of the match.

Ton: That must be a lesson for all the Gormball Wannabes in the crowd. And now the ball is going from Farvin, to Ember....and now for the first time to Zargrold, the ‘cool’ Grundo.

Shoy: Zargrold’s flashy moves and jumpy game style were once thought to be especially trendy and exciting, but were recently discovered to be nothing more than spasmodic muscle spasms due to brain implants he received from Dr. Sloth.

Ton: That’s would get under your skin. But Zargrold’s convulsions are especially flamboyant today, and...yes, he’s managed to knock Gargarox out of the competition, with a clever head-bop double toss Ringer Gormball toss. We haven’t seen that kind of move since, oh, since Dr. Sloth attempted to use Zargrold to hold Thyassa hostage with a nuclear Gormball four years ago.

Shoy: Yes, good memories. And now as Gargarox strides off the field, consoling himself by eating passing Kikos, we’re down to four competitors . The battle is intense, the competition is hot.... and we’ll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

Space Faerie: Hello. I’m the Space Faerie. No, not the popular Space Faerie. I’m the Space Faerie in charge of the Space bar on your keyboard, which sadly most of you no longer make full usage of. ‘ROTFL?’ ‘LMAO?’ ‘STMWDUA,H!’ This new language has put thousands of young, innocent Space Gnomes out of employment. Are you the kind of person who wants to do that? I didn’t think so. So call the Space Faerie Center For Wasting Space today, at 1-800-5 5 5 - S P A C. Think of the sad little children who have no room in the world to grow. Can you make some space for them?

Shoy: We’re back, live at the 6th annual Gormball Championships, where a surprising development has just been enacted.

Ton: The widely acclaimed Zargrold has just been eliminated from the match due to a Gormball superheating itself to approximately 1,800,032 degrees Celsius and bursting in his face giving him painful steam burns all over his body.

Shoy: I’m sure he’ll live. Ember the Fire Faerie has been accused of this assault but denies all claims, while replacing her Million Degree Sword in her training bag, then watching the bag bust into flames because the sword is still a little hot.

Ton: Well, nothing suspicious there. And back to the game. It’s Farvin to Thyassa, then back to Farvin, Ember, Thyassa...and OOOHhh, the Gormball’s gone off.

Shoy: It most certainly has, Ton. Interestingly enough, the ball exploded in front of Farvin, but he erected a Psychic Shield that bounced the explosion onto Ember, who’s now covered in the Mystery Gormball Fluid that is at least 30% Sulfuric acid.

Ton: That will certainly dampen her spirits.

Shoy: Stop making stupid puns, Ton. That’s my job.

Ton: Point made. And now Ember is leaving the field after a short pause to ignite Farvin III’s shuttle pod. That’s going to cost her.

Shoy: Actually, it’ll cost him, as Farvin’s insurance policies do not cover Acts of God/Ghosts/Faeries. And back to the Championship, where Thyassa and Farvin have just finished their short Juppie Break and are ready to return once more.

Ton: All eyes are on the pulsating globe as it is handed to Thyassa. And....Here we go! It’s Thyassa! Farvin! Thyassa! Farvin! Thyassa! Farvin! Thyassa! Farvin! Thyassa! Farvin! Thyassa! Farvin! Thyassa! Farvin!

Shoy: We realize this may not be interesting, but it’s sport all the same.

Ton: Thyassa! Farvin! Thy- OOOOOHHHHH!!! That’s it! The game’s over! FARVIN III IS THE WINNER! After a narrow escape and tricky back-kick double flip smasher, Farvin nailed Thyassa with an explosion that rocketed him to first place!

Shoy: Whew! That was a close match, Ton. I for one was certain that Thyassa was going to use his TNT pet privileges to manipulate the outcome of the game.

Ton: It would make sense. But he didn’t, and now let’s head down to the podium where the Ruki Referees are about to present the Golden Gormball to Farvin III, the Mutant Lenny.

Shoy: Mutant Lenny?

Ton: Yes. It seems that someone just hacked into Farvin’s HTML code and changed his species and color. And gender, apparently. But who could have that kind of power?

Shoy: It’s a mystery, Ton. A mystery that will have to wait until next time, as we’re running out of time, so until next time-

Ton: Shoy, you really need to increase your vocabulary.

Shoy: Be quiet. Until next time, I’m Shoy Shoyruki and he’s Ton Tonummo. Good night, Neopia.

(cue cheesy theme music that turns into the MARROW!! song again.)

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Rocko's Petpet Life
The most boring Petpet.

by jerk_head


An Encounter With Elzzuf
"Yes, I'll do anything you ask. Anything at all! Just name it!"

by ladylupin3


Reaching the Sky
"Dare to do things! That's what the books say…"

by shadowcristal


That Clever Little Korbat
There's one thing I never quite understood about the Darigan Citadel. And it wasn't why it floated, it was why they kept Barallus under such tight guard...

by glory_myth

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.