There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 94,333,932 Issue: 184 | 1st day of Eating, Y7
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Why There's No Uni Heroes

by josephmax


"I'm Jeran!"

     "No, I'm Jeran!"

     "I'm a Lupe, I should get to be Jeran! Dad!!!"

     Josephmax sighed and looked up from his book. He gazed at two of his three beautiful children; Goldenfairychild, a yellow Uni and his brother, Yellow_Squal, a yellow Lupe, and he shook his head.

     "Golden, Jeran is a Lupe ergo, it's only right Squal gets to play him," he said in a gentle, reasoning tone of voice, and he sighed again when Golden went from glaring at Squal to glaring at him.

     "That's not fair!" Golden declared, his tone accusing. "Why are all the heroes Lupes and Gelerts and everything else?!? Why isn't there a Uni hero too!?!"

     Josephmax was at a loss, and he shrugged his shoulders helplessly. Golden glanced at his brother, but Squal only shrugged too. Upset beyond words, Goldren raced inside and up to his room. Slamming the door, he threw himself down on his Royal Oak Wood Bed and burst into tears. Concerned, his Mazzew, Iris, jumped up on the bed with Golden and rubbed against him.

     "It's just not fair, Iris," Golden sobbed, draping a wing over his petpet as it settled beside him. "Everyone else gets to be the hero but me. I want to be the hero."

     Eventually, the young Uni cried himself to sleep.

     "Golden! Get up! You have to get up! You're needed!!" a rough hand was shoving him rather rudely.

     Golden ruffled his wings irritably, shoving the hand away.

     "G'way. I sleepin'," he mumbled into his pillow.

     "But you're needed! You have to hurry!" the next thing he knew, Golden was falling off the bed and onto the floor.

     "Hey!" he protested when he landed with a hard thump.

     The hard thump made him frown. Usually when he fell out of bed, he hit with a soft whump. Opening his eyes, he found he was sprawled out on a wooden floor. Wooden floor? His house was made of brick, and he had cloud rugs to soften his falls.

     "You must get up!" a voice insisted, and two hands grabbed him.

     Golden found himself being hoisted to his hooves by a very worried looking blue Eyrie.

     "What's going on?" Golden demanded, pulling away with a frown. "What's the rush?"

     He started preening his gorgeous feathers - his pride and joy.

     "No time for that!" the Eyrie said and began dressing him in armor. "You have to go save the JubJubs from the Monoceraptor!! He's on the rampage again!"

     Golden was getting grouchy. He loved to preen. Each feather has to be lovingly groomed for at least ten minutes or they didn't lay right. And his hooves!! He hadn't gotten a chance to buff them before putting on the Uni Hoof Guards he was now wearing.

     "Well, why don't you go do it?" he demanded of the Eyrie as he gazed forlornly at the Full Length Mirror close by. "If it's all that important?"

     His tail looked just awful, Golden was sure of it. The Eyrie managed to look both shocked and appalled at Golden at the same time, a big paw going to its powerful chest.

     "I can't do that!" he gasped. "You're the hero, not me!"

     Golden frowned, not sure he'd heard right.

     "I'm the hero?" he asked.

     "Of course!" the Eyrie exclaimed. "And right now, you have JubJubs to save! It's your job!"

     Golden was elated. He was the hero!

     "Well then, let's get going!" he said. "What are you waiting for, I have JubJubs to save!"

     Dressed, he flew off to do battle with the terrible Monoceraptor. With great courage and skill, he battled the great beast and was, at last, victorious. The JubJubs cheered wildly and threw him a parade. He was accepting a beautiful Glittery Gold Hair Brush from the leader of the JubJubs when the blue Eyrie came flying in.

     "No time for that!" he cried, pulling the brush out of Golden's hooves. "You have to go to Roo Island and save the Blumaroos from the Pant Devil. He's gone crazy and is stealing everything in sight!"

     Golden was momentarily surprised by the Eyrie, and he almost reached for the brush. Then, he nodded and rushed off to Roo Island. He was a hero after all, and heroes saved people. No sooner than he saved the Blumaroos and was about to get flowers braided into his mane than the blue Eyrie showed up again. He shoved the Blumaroo hairdresser away from Golden.

     "You have to hurry! Meridell is under attack!!" he told the young Uni.

     "But..but," Golden protested, waving a distraught at the hairdresser still holding a brush and a lot of flowers.

     The Eyrie gave Golden a push.

     "There's no time for that, you have to go!!" he insisted.

     Sighing and giving one last longing look back at the hairdresser, Golden flew off to rescue Meridell.

     Again and again, the blue Eyrie showed up just as Golden was being rewarded for his heroism, and each time he did, he made the Uni go off on yet another rescue mission. At one point, Golden was passing over a still pond, and he just happened to look down and see himself. He cried out in dismay and flew down for a better look. He was shocked by how unkempt he looked. His tail was frizzy. His man was tangled and filled with burrs and bits of grass. His coat, his lovely coat, was covered with sweat and a fine film of dust!! He felt faint.

     "I'm a mess!" he wailed in dismay, yet he knew he couldn't stay and groom.

     With a sad sigh, he flew on to yet another rescue mission, tears stinging his eyes. He finished and went off on another, and another and yet another. Evening came, and he was able to catch a quick bite before rushing off to save some Kois from a menacing Jetsam off the coast of Krawk Island. When the Eyrie didn't show up this last time, Golden wearily winged his way home, longing for a bath and his bed. He entered his room to find the Eyrie waiting for him. Golden groaned when he saw him.

     "Not another rescue mission!" he protested.

     The blue Eyrie grinned and stepped aside to reveal a bathtub full of hot water, just waiting.

     "No, no more rescue missions tonight," he assured the Uni, and he helped him remove his armor.

     Golden was delighted to hear this.

     "A bath!" he exclaimed, gazing at it happily. "I just love a good hour long soak in a hot tub!"

     The Eyrie laughed as he put the filthy armor in the hot bath water.

     "Oh no, " he said, shaking his head, "this is for your armor. You get a shower."

     "Well, a shower would be okay, I guess," Golden muttered, gazing over at the shower and then, he perked up. "An hour long shower might be nice, if the water stays hot that long."

     The Eyrie laughed again as he washed the armor in the bathtub.

     "You don't have time for an hour long shower," he said, making Golden's wings droop in disappointment. "You got a very late start this morning so, you only have ten minutes to shower before going to bed. You have to get up early to catch up, you know."

     "But I don't want a ten minute shower!" Golden argued, his tail going down, and he flipped a wingtip at the bathtub. "I want an hour long bath! I want to brush my mane and tail! I want to preen my wings!"

     This last was said in a wail as his voice got higher and higher, and he gazed at the Eyrie unhappily. The Eyrie just smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders.

     "There's just no time," he said, his tone pleasant as he started pulling clean armor out of the bath. "You really need to hurry if you're going to get that shower before bed."

     Golden sat down, forlorn, suddenly very depressed. No long bath. No preening. Nothing but a very short shower. He glanced over at the shower again before gazing at the Eyrie.

     "I guess there's no chance of me getting some more time?" he asked, his whole demeanor one of great sadness.

     "No, there's not," the Eyrie said. "Better hurry now."

     "But why?" Golden asked, some of his usual stubbornness showing up.

     "You're the hero," the Eyrie said. "It's your job."

     The Eyrie laughed as Golden began to cry. No time to groom? No time to preen? No time to sleep? His life was over!!

     "I don't want to be the hero!" the little Uni wailed. "I don't want to be the hero!"

     The Eyrie just laughed harder.

      Golden awoke with a start and looked around wildly. He was overjoyed to find he was in his own house, his real house! He hopped off the bed and patted his cloud rugs before peeping under them to make sure the floor was still brick. Humming happily, he gave Iris a quick hug before he trotted off to find his brother.

     Josephmax looked up from his book again as Golden emerged from the house once more. He was relieved to see his little boy was looking much happier than before.

     "Feeling better?" he called as Golden headed over to where Squal was playing Neoblocks in the grass.

     Golden nodded and swished his tail. Squal got to his feet, toy sword in hand, and he gave Golden a sullen, stubborn look.

     "I get to be Jeran," he said, as Golden scooped up his own sword from where he'd thrown it down.

     "Sure," Golden said.

     Squal looked surprised.

     "Really?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

     "Yes, really. Let's go play!"


     "Hurry Jeran, hurry!! The Blumaroos need you!!"

     Laughing, the boys ran off to play, Squal brandishing his sword.

The End

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