Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 164,193,660 Issue: 179 | 25th day of Awakening, Y7
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Employment Bites

by blubblub317


The world of Neopia is what I like to call an economical world. A marketing world. A world filled with what normal creatures like to call jobs. And for those weird people, it’s what they like to call fun. Getting a job out there in Neopia is a toughie, and can take tons of perseverance, determination, and hard work. Isn’t it odd that you must put hard work to get a hardworking job just to get some hard-earned cash? It certainly does boggle the weak mind. But unfortunately, work must be done to have a better-suited lifestyle for you and your family. I mean, it’s not like having one-hundred and ninety games out there that you can play three times each will give you enough Neopoints! HONESTLY, the odor in that building is horrifically bad as well, so a good employment is what fits most creatures. But like I said before, it can be difficult to get one, so as always, Dr. Blub has come to the rescue to whisk you away in a cookie batter that’ll come out with the words, ‘JOB, JOB, JOB AND HOW I’LL HELP YOU GET ONE IN NEOPIA! EAT ME AND DIE!’.

Faerieland: The Employment Agency

Leave it to the faeries to be the ones who actually manage to set up an Employment Agency (knock, knock, Neopia Central). Its run by these little slips of metallic paper called ‘coupons’. They’re ridiculously priced, so if you’re good at getting random events, don’t be expecting to get this baby any time soon. However, you can also get one of the basic free jobs, which provides you with a great profit (OMG, 100NP, SQUEE). But beware when on the run with one of these jobs. Those faeries will be staring at you with the freakiest eyes EVER. PERIOD.

Space Station: Slothy Time!

Oh, you know you’re just waiting to be gobbled up with employment once stepping into this place. No, seriously, Florg will eat you up like a cracker as one of his munchies. But if you manage to dodge him, then Slothy will be awaiting you with one of his own jobs. Ever wanted to work for Sloth and be one of his loyal, trustworthy, and honest minions? Probably not, but who’s going to care? Him? Pft, if he cares about his underwear’s color, you know he’s not gonna’ care about you. I’ll admit it, from what I’ve heard, his jobs aren’t too fun, but you do get zapped into an awesome Mutant Grundo and your brain shrinks to the size of a peanut! Fun!

Lost Desert: Sunshine Valley

If you just loooove to sink underneath sand, consume twenty glasses of water per day, or live in a tent, Lost Desert offers everything that you want plus ten-times more. The Food Stall is always willing to hire creatures, since they’ve had a shortage of employees for the past six years. Swarm is out of the question, Osiris Pottery is a much too delicate area, and you need twenty bags of bandages for the Petpet Stall. But I’ve heard from this friend of a friend of a cousin of a sister of mine that Lost Desert is looking from some assistants for the next Murder Mystery! They’ve been waiting for decades, but I’m sure someone will eventually turn up soon.


Honestly, I’m at a loss for words for this snippet of Tyrannia. They seem to be centuries away from the modern world of today, so it’s a wonder that creatures actually work there. Tyranu Evavu will never offer jobs since the employees are zombies, Chia Bomber is much too dangerous with *gasp* water balloons, the Ticket Booth will get you crushed, Kacheekers is plain freaky, and the rest seems to be faint in the mind (‘cept for Volcano Run, mind you; I just couldn’t seem to grasp what kind of species that creature was).

Mystery Island: Exotic Occupations Await You

I’ll admit it. I’m a sucker for Mystery Island. It’s so…oh, how can I say it? Non-mysterious. Sure, there was the big Techo Mountain Mystery, but it can’t even be classified as that. More of like a Lenny Conundrum that actually seems to make sense. Tiki Tours is always open for new employees. I mean, who DOESN’T love drabbing on about Mystery Island’s supposed mysterious history during the entire day? The Harbour isn’t too bad; you do nothing without the pay. I’m rather fond of the Cooking Pot. Jhudiah is a top-notch manager, and you get paid with explosions from the cooking pot. However, my personal favorite is Tombola! The masked-dude isn’t offering positions currently, but it’s just so fun to zap him in the ribs and say, “Taco, tomato!”


Don’t mind that warning. Some lunatic put it up, mumbling stuff about Edna casting wicked spells and enchantments on him, or something like that. Anyway, the Haunted Woods is a funkydelicio place to work at, in my opinion. There’s ton of rewards from the quests that you can do (or you can call them jobs if you’re trying to have a life) and if you’re lucky, they can pay incredibly handsome amounts of items and cash. Take the Brain Tree for instance. He gives you valuables just for answering his question! I’ve always known that brain is made out of processed Meepits. And the Esophagor! Boy, who can forget the Esophagor? Gets hungry .12 seconds after having a meal, which gives you many opportunities to hand him his food. Once you do this, you’ll get that answer for the Brain Tree’s question, which 75% of the population can’t seem to type in properly when heading back to the Brain Tree. Other recommendations are Edna’s Tower (she’s special), the Game Graveyard (hey, someone needs to dig up the graves and put the games in there), and Carnival of Terror (oooh, Chia Clowns).

Meridell: Arr, This Be Where The Highest-Paying Jobs Be! Wait, that’s Krawk Island

Ah, Meridell, Meridell, Meridell. This place’s a bore. NO, to be completely honest, little Keisha was the only special thing about it *sniff*. Good luck going through an interview with Turmaculus. If you’re trying out for Turdle Traces, it’ll be sunset by the time those Turdles manage to get to you. Illusen will blast you into a pieces if you get closer then a foot away from her, Kiss the Mortog is for the desperate, and Meri Acres Farm smells (not as much as the Game Building, though). Avoid Meridell at all costs (but only if you’ve come to visit Keisha, KEISHA).

Krawk Island: Thy Shall Be Where There Are No Jobs In Thee Place of Rambling. Wait, that’s Meridell.

I’m really grooving Krawk Island. It’s got a homey feeling to it, and provides tons of fun, care-free, and enjoyable jobs where you can sip (and I say that lightly) some…whatever they like to drink. Food Club is soooo the place to go right now if you want free food. It used to be King Skarl’s palace, but he got depressed and started eating. The Academy is also another great place. You can workout at the same time, and I’ve heard free dubloons are handed out to the best employees (whee, extra cash). Krawk Fashion is for those creatures that just have the worst fashion sense, and unfortunately, you need connections to work at the Smuggler’s Cove. LOTS of speedy connections. And my favorite is The Golden Dubloon. It’s a warm and cheery place that’s got tons of wild and fanatic employees. Just the way I like it.

So, here we are at the end of our journey of employment. Unfortunately, I couldn’t visit Kreludor because it was too far, I couldn’t visit Terror Mountain because it was too high, and I couldn’t visit Neopia Central because it was just too big (plus, all the jobs are already taken). So, in the end, this article should have shown you that employment simply bites, and that playing games is a whole lot more better (and I heard they’ve got a new air freshener system). Hehe, ta-ta for now!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Grundo's Legend: The Escape To Kreludor
"Perfect," whispered Sloth. "Just perfect. We will transmogrify all of the Grundos into Mutants, and then unleash them on Neopia. They will take over, and I will rule!"

by mooniebunnypenny


The Case of the Derelict Jelly Neohome
Ez racked her brains as she tried to recall the address her friend had given her. Was it 100234 or 102340 Coconut Road? She was probably on the wrong side of the neighborhood. But Ionana the Chia had told her that his home was superbly visible...

by kushbi


Juicy, Sweet and...Yellow!
When you look at all the fruits around you, you’ll see that the most common and natural-looking color is none other than…yellow. A yellow fruit looks much more delicious then a red one even if the yellow one is made of dung!

by shadowninjawarrior


The Tale of Tadric's Time: Part Two
"But . . . why would they close the gate? I'm a knight! They should be happy I'm coming to the castle!"

by sharakh

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.