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A Slushie Slinger’s Take on Neopia’s Top Slushies

by weee5067


Hi! I’m Tara, one of Altador’s pro Slushie Slingers, and I’m here to dish out the juicy gossip around the coolest, rarest, and just plain best slushies in Neopia!

     Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re familiar with the Altador Cup’s iconic slushie trio: Zeenana, Jumbleberry, and Chokato. But why are these the only flavours being served? Aren’t there over a hundred other types of slushies? It turns out, so many fans were flooding Altador that we needed to streamline operations -- no one wants to miss a Yooyuball match because the line was too long. Limiting our slushie stations to just three kinds helped a lot, but part of the trick was to choose really distinct, polarising flavours. When each person has a clear favourite, ordering goes super quick. Also, these fruits are super easy to blend in huge batches (I’ll let you in on a secret: we don’t even peel the Zeenanas!)

     So, what should you order if you’re here during the offseason? I know this is controversial, but I’m a big fan of the Teal and Purple Juppie Slushie. A lot of people don’t even want to try it because of the ingredients - Purple Juppies are super sour, and Teal Juppies are pretty bitter. But thanks to some neat chemistry, the acids in the Purple neutralize the bases in the Teal, combining to form plain old salt! This reaction uncovers all the unique, delicious flavours that you’d never taste if you just tried either Juppie on its own. Be warned, though: this slushie is definitely on the savoury side, which might catch you off-guard if you’re used to the sweet Altador Cup recipes.

     Speaking of savoury slushies, I love the story behind the Cheeseburger Slushie. Apparently Hubert, everyone’s favourite hot dog-serving Mynci, was in search of inspiration for some new hot dog flavours. He was on a tour of the slushie factory, leaned over a bit too far during a blender demonstration, and wound up dropping his lunch right in. He was so embarrassed that he insisted on drinking the result, and fortunately, it tasted great! At least, that’s what everyone tells the new Slushie Slingers. Hubert swears it wasn’t him, and points out that he would have been eating a hot dog, not a hamburger...but I can’t resist a good story.

     My least favourite slushie is the Munuberry Slushie. The appearance is striking, so I feel bad for hating it...but those beautiful moon-shaped seeds are a nightmare for me. If they aren’t clogging up the blender, they’re getting stuck in someone’s straw, and it hurts to see an upset Neopian complaining about the slushie I served them. Do everyone a favour and order something else. If you’re really craving the taste of Munuberries, try an Oranella Slushie instead -- and don’t worry, we do peel those.

     Another slushie I would definitely not recommend is the Transparaberry Slushie. With such a hefty price tag, you’d really expect to get something phenomenal for your hard-earned neopoints...but no. This slushie really doesn’t taste like anything -- you could seriously get about a thousand Snow Slushies for the same price and flavour. I’m pretty sure the only people who order this one are the Gourmet Club members who have managed to convince themselves that anything expensive is automatically higher-quality.

     One slushie I really miss is the Ergy Slushie. Each one takes 40 ErgyFruit to make, and with how rare those are, you can imagine how expensive a single slushie would be. I’ve only gotten to serve these once, at a celebration dinner for Mystery Pic winners. It must have taken all year to gather the fruits for so many Ergy Slushies, but the crowd loved them. Especially when the host turned out the lights! I’m pretty sure everyone’s teeth glowed for a week, and people were practically bouncing off the walls by the time dinner was over. There’s an awful lot of energy packed into those little fruits - that’s why they give off so much light.

     Is there a particular team I prefer to sling slushies for? No, not really. Every team’s fanbase is unique, but they’re all a joy to work with. There’s never a dull moment keeping a large group like Maraqua satisfied, and a small group like Brightvale is great for letting me relax and catch my breath a bit. It has been fun learning some teams’ quirks -- for example, Terror Mountain fans prefer their slushies with extra ice, while anyone from Mystery Island can immediately tell if the Chokatos were even slightly underripe.

     My most memorable slushie-slinging experience was the time the Space Faerie threw a party for the Virtupets and Kreludor teams. She really went all out on the menu -- we had Space, Starry, and Intergalactic Slushies in the main machines, but we also brought out cup after cup of Black Hole Slushies, and everyone got to try a sip of a Pan Galactic Gargle Slushie. The Space Faerie even used a giant Rotating Neopia Slushie as the room’s centerpiece! The best part of slinging slushies for special events is getting to try all the different flavours people request, and I have to say, the Space Faerie has excellent taste.

     And of course, I’ve saved the best for last. The Great Golden Slushie is, hands down, the fanciest slushie I’ve ever served. Most slushies slide; this glides. Most slushies have my hands going numb halfway through my shift, but TGGS always feels comfortable to hold. The recipe is notoriously finicky and can only be made in small batches, so The Great Golden Slushie has historically only been available to Neopia’s finest Yooyuball players -- Moltara’s Tulah Kisner credits TGGS for boosting her spirits enough to get back on the field each day. This shimmery slushie is simply sublime, and I’m so happy to finally get to share it with the Altador Cup’s most loyal fans.

     That’s it from me! I hope I’ve given you some fun flavours to dream about while you’re helping sling some slushies this year.

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