The Neopian Protection Campaign
Now, this might be a contentious idea, but I believe that Neopia would be a safer place to live in if it were safer. I know, I know. You’re thinking, ‘What are you talking about? Everything is fine. Neopia is a good place to live.’ Well, I’m here to inform you that you are hideously wrong. Yes, I think that it’s been long enough, and it’s about time some of us took a stand and cracked down on the dangers that are flung into the faces of our fellow Neopians almost every day. Our fellow pet owners, to be exact.
‘What? How are we in any danger? Shouldn’t we be discussing the black market pet trade, or the ethical dubiosity of forcing our pets to fight in the Arena?’ No. Everybody harps on about their pets all the time, almost as if Neopia evolved around them, or something. Well, there wouldn’t be any pets if they didn’t have any owners, now, would there? I can sense the confused looks on your faces as you read this. Let me clarify. Just yesterday I was sneaking into an ice cave to steal treasure from a giant icy serpent, a common pastime of many a Neopian and their pets. That was when the serpent opened its eyes, reared up and fired an icy blast at me and my pets. I was frozen solid by the blast, because nobody designs appropriate winter apparel for humans, and so my pets had to cart me out on their backs despite being injured themselves. I thawed after an hour and brought them far across the sea to Faerieland to be healed. The faerie was nice enough to heal all my pets for free, but when I asked for her services as well, she looked at me as if I had just plucked the hair off my head and shoved it down my nostrils.
Why can’t I get healing as well? Aren’t I entitled to as much quality of life as my pets? Not according to the faerie, I’m not. That’s not the worst part. I resigned myself to chugging down a health potion instead, but the contents refused to budge out of the bottle when I held it above my throat. When I held it above one of my pets’ throat to check for the effects of gravity, it went down just fine. Even the bottles conspire against pet owners! This isn’t even the most common injury that pet owners sustain in the world of Neopia. A few days ago I was walking my carrot in the park, when a mutant Cybunny ran up to us and bit me on the shoulder. It hurt. I informed his owner of this fact, but she simply shrugged and told me it wasn’t necessary to train her pet, since she wasn’t going to keep him anyway. The nerve! A fellow owner, not caring about the ills that befall her kin!
I’m sure you’re wondering how I managed to heal the many injuries that I’ve sustained during my time in Neopia Well, guess what? I don’t. It’s impossible. Over the years, I’ve been pelted with fireballs, frozen, stabbed, thrown into a dung pile, rolled down a hill, and tossed off a cliff. Knowing that the shops don’t cater to human injuries, I limped, shuffled or crawled home to cry. Once, my Lupe tried to help by licking a cut I’d gotten from handling a poorly designed book. It gave me a rash. Another time, my carrot tried to facilitate wound-healing by bandaging me up. A bunch of Neopets confused me for a mummy and started pelting me with Neggs, which only added to my injuries. My worst experience thus far? It was a few years ago, when Moltara City was first discovered. I rushed down to the city with my pets to explore, and in my hurry, I fell into a pool of magma. My pets rushed to help me out, but they were stopped by a Magma Tonu. The reason? We were not well-versed enough in the ways of Moltara. I ask you, how? I just fell into a burning pit of magma. How more well-versed can you be?!
It’s not just physical well-being that we’re being deprived of, but mental, too. In the black market pet trade, there have been cases of innocent pet traders having their shiny pets stolen. Stealing is wrong; yet for the past two decades, Neopians everywhere have fallen victim to countless crimes perpetuated by home invaders and petnappers, all because of our lack of basic protection when travelling the world of Neopia. That isn’t the only front of assault that we’re subjected to- it’s not only other owners that we have to look out for, but Neopets as well. Even our own sweet pets sometime threaten our well-being. Today, my pup scared me three times in the last four hours by screaming that there was something behind me. Naturally, I yelped and ran away, only to find that he was “just kidding”. Must we continue to tolerate this injustice as we have for the past twenty years?
At any rate, I’m getting carried away. I could go on and on, but the point is, I’m not the only Neopian suffering here. We’ve all heard about the Petpet Protection League, and we’ve seen owners campaigning for better treatment of their Neopets. Not one of these people has considered their own health and well-being. I am not that selfless. I value my own safety. Perhaps reading this has inspired a small handful of you to start thinking about yourselves. Is it right that Neopets can consume health potions while we’re deprived of even basic footwear? Is it right that Neopets can be painted a wide variety of colors while we remain Basic forever?
For all these reasons and more, I urge my fellow Neopians to join forces and become a Neopian Protection Campaigner, or NPC for short. Owner lives matter, too; and I, for one, think that I am entitled to at least have a large metal shield to defend myself from errant zombies and Snowagers. For those of us with wimpy pets, there is nothing protecting us from the many dangers lurking in the lands of Neopia, and already our numbers are dwindling as a result. Stand up for yourself! Become an NPC today!