Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 195,542,153 Issue: 861 | 29th day of Running, Y21
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Migratory Coconuts


by mollyscribbles

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     Royal Heirs Revealed

     ROO ISLAND

     In an announcement that sent waves of shock through royals across Neopia, King Roo revealed that he has been hiding his two children from knowledge of his kingdom -- and themselves. "I wanted them to have a chance to grow up without the burden of the crown, to have a childhood to play and be free to choose their own paths in life."

     Being as the children in question, Abigail and Aristotle, were already well known to the Neopian public, his plan to keep them out of the spotlight was only partially successful. Only Abigail, dressed in a lovely new gown for the occasion, accompanied her father.

     "I am making this known now, as I have finally decided which of them will inherit my crown -- my darling Abigail, who has shown both cunning and generosity to all Neopians, not only those who have demonstrated an ability to best her highest scores. Aristotle should be fine, he didn't even want to leave his classes behind for the announcement, so he's got his own career lined up."

     It is not yet known how this revelation will affect the upcoming Daily Dare.

     *****

     Second-Hand Shoppe Now Dung-Free

     NEOPIA CENTRAL

     Apologizing profusely for the long-term error, Alton Moughbry announced today that piles of dung would no longer be shipped to the Second-Hand Shoppe. "It was supposed to be sent to the farms in Meridell -- the stuff makes great fertilizer. I don't know why it was mislabeled as used clothing, or why the error has gone unnoticed for so long, but it's fixed now." The Ruki in charge of the shoppe was unavailable for comment, as he was still sobbing in relief as of press time.

     "Good to know they've still got plenty of potato sacks in," Alton added. "They've never gone out of style in Meridell!"

     *****

     Krawken Innocent; Canon Blasts to Cease

     KRAWK ISLAND

     Neopians seeking to do their part to defend Krawk Island today were surprised to learn the threat had been severely misunderstood. The story, as this reporter understands it, began many years ago when Admiral Kyrwinne adopted a Titanic Giant Squid. When the Admiral felt it time to settle on Krawk Island and start his petpet shop, he assumed the "adorable little lady" wanted to be free, and left her behind. The squid, missing Kyrwinne, spent years trying to trace him through the ocean currents that confound even seasoned navigators. She gathered many small trinkets for him from the waves, believing herself to be at fault and wishing to have an apology gift to offer.

     By the time she reached Krawk Island, she had grown to her current size, and when she tried to ascend the ropes and pull herself up to the island's surface -- well. We all remember how that incident turned out. In the years since, she has doubled down on her efforts to find the right apology gift, most of which were lost when cannon blasts forced her to drop them.

     The confusion might have never been cleared up, had Kyrwinne not been convinced by a friend to assist with anchor defense for once. He immediately recognized his beloved pet, and their joyful reunion was adorable enough to halt the firing. "Poor girl just needed a hug and scratch behind the ol' ears," he assured this reporter.

     Many Neopians have apologetically returned some of the items they'd taken from the Krawken. "I do feel kind of bad for her, and it's really no trouble to give this stuff back," one Neopian said. "Aside from the occasional morphing potion or paint brush, the stuff she dropped has mostly devalued a lot and was just taking up space in my SDB."

     *****

     Spooky Food Shocker -- Health Inspectors Horrified

     HAUNTED WOODS

     Paying the shop a long-overdue visit, health inspectors shut down the Spooky Food Shop shortly after their arrival. "The fact that the Bruce running the place ran off as soon as we announced ourselves was our first red flag," said one. "The fact that the first item we saw for sale was clearly a dead Droolik was another."

     Subsequent analysis of the shop's current stock, along with thorough records found in the back, made it clear that the problem was rather more extensive than assumed. "We didn't think much of the initial reports. I mean, other shops might have things like Lupe Soup but it's just regular soup served in a Lupe-shaped bread bowl, and inspections never turned anything up."

     "Also, the commute to the Haunted Woods is annoying -- too many tree roots in the way for a smooth ride," the second inspector added. "No one really wanted to be assigned to this one."

     "Looking over the stock, I'd say this place would be shut down even if they'd chosen less harrowing ingredients. Some of these make the stuff the Alien Aishas offer look tasty."

     The Defenders of Neopia and Petpet Protection League have yet to apprehend the shop's former proprietor, but their computer has been utilized to cross-reference the shop's records with nearly two decades of missing pet and petpet reports.

     "I don't know why it took so long for someone to investigate them," one local said. "They were literally serving Blumaroo steaks."

     *****

     Tribe Less Sinister Than Assumed

     MYSTERY ISLAND

     Recent efforts to make peace with the island's isolated native tribes have revealed the shocking truth -- they were never cannibalistic. "It does look sinister, when a Coconut Jubjub is seen harvesting normal coconuts," Lilian Fairweather informed those of us at the press conference, "But as far as we can determine, the tribe is entirely vegan."

     Locals noted, in the discussion after the announcement, that while the Motu Niu tribe -- as we now know them to be called -- had a history of scaring off tourists, "Can't really blame them. We've all had days when waving a spear to get 'em to leave you five minutes of peace on the beach seemed like a good idea."

     *****

     Bandage Removed - Kikos Bare All

     KIKO LAKE

     In a shocking announcement, the Kikos of Neopia have finally revealed the reason they all wear bandages on their heads. "We were happy to keep quiet," Mayor Fuff informed the crowd, "But the recent unpleasant theory circulating last Month of Giving made us realize that some things needed to be clarified."

     He then proceeded to remove his own bandage, revealing a small orifice.

     "It's not an injury. I don't know why everyone thinks every Kiko on the planet managed to get hurt in the same spot in a way that never healed, but it's not. It's -- it's sort of like an extra nostril or ear hole. It opens when we're young, and our doctors say it helps us maintain our balance and buoyancy."

     Pausing, clearly awkward, he applied a fresh bandage to his head before continuing. "It's always been a bit taboo to show anyone. Some other species get odd about it, they'll look at it instead of looking you in the eye. So we covered it, and since hats don't always stay in place, we went with the bandages. We've got waterproof ones, don't come off underwater, which is necessary. At this point, it's part tradition and part modesty that makes us keep it up, but I wanted to make it clear we're not hiding anything disgusting or sinister under there."

     

 
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