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Doc has CONQUERED Neopia!


by homsar_eggplant

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     Column written by Doc; former Brightvale University professor, scientist and general scholar.

     In the past week, the nefarious and rather dashing "Doc", a fire coloured Techo with knowledge of super-science, occult-experimentation, mangling of the universe itself and more, has taken the wide world of Neopia by storm. Quite literally. In a press summit made at his point of global domination, the fine and fanciful Techo denounced his critics. Upon an ornate stage, decorated with pro-Doc propaganda, he went on a well-deserved tangent informing his adversaries that he "told them so" and that he was "more than capable of doing it!" To celebrate his conquest of the entire world, and soon the entire universe, Doc shall erect a golden statue of his glory upon the completely horrifying wasteland that was once Neopia Central.

      Accompanying him was a mobile pink sofa with buck teeth, beady eyes and little ears twitching throughout the upholstery. Upon his walking throne, Neopia's new tyrannical overlord surveyed his new subjects. "The mad scientists of Neovia will be particularly useful in my endeavors", the new ruler babbled in manic glee, "they have far less scruples and ethics than I do!" And true to his word, a small army of Neopians in fine lab coats accompanied their dark lord, some of which showcasing weird and terrifying experiments that they brought with them.

     While by no means a first, the mad scientist boldly proclaims to have accomplished several incredible feats. Through his efforts, he dismantled and rebuilt a rival's laboratory in a matter of days. In addition, he discovered that the powers bestowed to superheroes were given to them through their costumes. Through the miracles of dimensional travel, alternate realities such as Faerie Queen Sloth, Wraithland, Wasteland Neopia and more were made known to a secret cabal of dark researchers... some of which no longer exist in this reality. Plus, he was voted best impromptu college professor at Brightvale University! His greatest accomplishment was traveling in-between space and time itself and rearranging everything. Thus, he is past, present and future. This incomprehensible feat of "SCIENCE" had proven that he had the capable prowess of taking Neopia by force, because he already did in the beginning of time itself... even if he rewrote time itself to accomplish this.

     Amidst his declaration of already-existing and not-so-New World Order, he unveiled his process for rebranding reality, a plan so fool proof that no "hero" ever undo it! He baulked at the notion of "weak" and "mortal" beings such as The Defenders of Neopia. They had proven to be no match for him in both the recent past and the near-future! Thanks to his portal device from prior experiments, the genius Techo described a series of heists, resulting in absconding with a time tunnel contraption... as well as some strange "doohickey" used by famous monster hunters, Kell and Corbin. In the end, this wasn't a big deal for the monster hunter duo, as there was probably no monster and Doc's experiments were more important. Rest assured, they are fine and likely still trudging through the murk beyond Haunted Woods, safe and sound.

     After unveiling his grand villain plan, his expression visibly soured, as if he bit into a genetically altered citrus fruit bred to dissatisfy. His arms extended to point out random people in the audience while exclaiming with thunderous boom, "You, you and you.... and you! If you were traitors and good for nothings who held you back, I'd have choice words for you! Even though you're not those people, let me say them anyway!" Doc then proceeded to bounce up and down like a small child having a tantrum, shaking his fists in rage, "Mark from the 3rd grade! You always called me a nerd. Well, I rule the multiverse now! That means I rule over you, Mark! ALL OF YOU!"

     The world shaking doctor then pointed in the air, as if ready to break out into disco dance fever. "All those quacks at Brightvale University? They said my thesis project on converting problematic peers into energy was 'unethical' and 'unsafe'. Well, I powered up the campus anyway, even though it got a lot quieter for a semester... Anyway, I still got my doctorate!"

     The posture of the New World Leader shifted to one of triumph and poise. "And Becky! Yes, you Becky! I lent you my click pen. You know, the one with the lightning stripes and the blue ink. That was my favorite pen! Now that I'm supreme overlord, you'll hand that back to me! And, all those other people!? Uhhh, I'll think of you and punish you all soon enough!"

     The horrified crowd looked in dead silence, not sure of what to expect from their super-science supreme overlord. And not a moment later, Doc's other arm shot up as far as it could stretch; streams of confetti fired from multi-colored rockets, drizzling down on the back of his stage. As the maniacal conqueror of worlds stood like a statue, heroic fanfare played close by. A small army of chrome "Meepits" proceeded to march in sporting event fashion, each playing a different instrument. The marching band circled around the frozen Doc for nearly 1 hour, until the band unanimously fell over in exhaustion, as Doc began to spin while singing a musical number about hills and cheery music. Concluding his ceremony, he leapt to center stage, gazing upon his new and fearful subjects and began to make a golf clap. The startled crowd responded with a deafening round of applause and wave of cheers, signaling the continued but official start of a glorious age. The Age of Doc!

     Please, consult your locally approved station guard for uniform and directions to the proper reeducation center for more instruction. Please enjoy life anew under your Over-King Doc.

          About the Column Author.

     Doc, Documented Neopian Maximum Security Penitentiary Inmate # 204863, is a heavily misunderstood Techo that proves that the system has NO JUSTICE! He is but a humble scientist and creative inventor trying to forge new ideas to advance the great society of Neopia. At the hands of the wrongly celebrated brigands known to commonfolk as so-called "Defenders of Neopia", he has been confined to an oppressive block of concrete, well below the earth itself, for the past three years. This so-called maximum-security prison is but a setback for the ravishing and magnificent doctor! During the 10 minutes per week, he is given an opportunity to reach out to a beloved family member or friend, as he tries desperately to reach out to his old lab partner. He knows that Chet is out there and wants to talk! He wants Chet to answer his phone calls, as he's only granted 5 minutes of prison phone use per day. Needless to say, he hopes to write far more for the Neopian Times, as he has had years to meditate and reflect on life, in a cell deep within Neopia's crust.

     

 
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