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10 Apples You Can Still Eat


by newenglandquizzer

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     Apples. Crispy, sweet, juicy. The perfect fruit. I love them. You love them. And you know what? No matter what stage of freshness apples are in, they’re still delicious.

     So let’s say you’re doing your grocery shopping in Neopia Central and grab a bushel of fresh apples to take home. You eat a few over the next few days, but then you put something in front of them on the counter that blocks your view. Maybe it’s a box of Cheesy Choco Cookies. No one is judging. Anyway, you can’t see the apples anymore. You’re too busy eating delicious sugary, salty Cheesy Choco Cookies.

     But those apples are still back there, and they sit a while. I mean, a while. And eventually you come into your kitchen and you notice a weird smell. You ask your favorite Neopet, who’s really bad at cooking, if they’ve cooked and something went wrong. But they haven’t cooked. So what is it?

     You move the empty box of Cheesy Choco Cookies and find them. The apples. A few weeks ago, they were so fresh. But now? Weeeeeeell….

     Your first instinct is to toss those old apples in the trash. But I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to do that! Those apples you found behind the cookies are still perfectly good to eat.

     Here are some of the apples you might find after you’ve forgotten about them.

     

     1. Bruised Apple

     One morning, you were making lunch on your way out the door. You grabbed an apple, and this slippery fruit jumped right out of your hand and onto the floor. You pick it up. There’s a huge bruise on it. Oh well, you’re going to eat it today anyway, so it’ll be fine. You run out the door.

     But you don’t eat that apple today. You find it a week later, at the bottom of your lunch box, after throwing containers and pudding cups and Neocola cans on top of it all week long. It’s got more than that one bruise.

     Let me tell you--you can still eat it! The old bruises have given the Bruised Apple a lovely grainy texture, and the thick apple juice inside the bruises is strong and flavorful.

     

     2. Beaten Old Apple

     This apple is not dissimilar to the Bruised Apple, but this poor Beaten Old Apple ended up here on purpose. Some fruit-hating hooligan took that apple and used it as a baseball. It’s been smacked around, and now all it wants is to be enjoyed as the delicious fruit it still is.

     The Beaten Old Apple has some crunch on the outside--from dirt on the baseball bat--but don’t let that deter you!

     

     3. Bitten Red/Green Apple

     Your Neopets are like your kids, right? And kids sometimes don’t want to eat your fruits. Your Neopet took one bite out of an apple, then left it on the kitchen counter for you to find later.

     Don’t waste that apple! Sure, the bitten area has kinda turned brown after sitting out, but it’s still good!

     

     4. Forgotten Apple

     Okay, let’s be real, this is the apple that was behind the Cheesy Choco Cookies. When you pick it up, the counter underneath is kinda sticky. Seems like some juice has oozed out. Well, there’s still juice inside. And the great news is, that apple has been sitting out for so long that the remaining juice is actually cider! Delicious!

     

     5. Mutant Apple

     ...so uh...honestly...I’m not sure what happened to this apple. Could have been dunked in polluted water. Might be radioactive.

     I take it back. Just this once. Just this once. Throw this apple away. It’s not worth it.

     

     6. Petrified Apple

     On a recent dig in Tyrannia, an ancient apple was discovered! It’s been kinda fossilized, but hey, that’s not the worst we’ve seen!

     My best advice is to crush this apple up into gravel-sized pieces, then sprinkle it on your favorite apple cobbler recipe and bake.

     

     7. Rotten Apple

     You’re gonna love this one! This is the apple you’ve always heard about, who famously spoils the rest of the barrel of apples. A real celebrity!

     You may be wary of this apple, but there’s no mold on it, so it’s perfectly fine. Mash it up with a fork and eat it as applesauce.

     

     8. Rotten Wormy Apple

     You’re really gonna think this one’s bad. You first may think that the Rotten Wormy Apple is even worse than the Rotten Apple. Wrong! Now you can have fruit and protein at the same time! Worms are a great substitute for meat or bean proteins and have a spicy flavor!

     

     9. Slimy Apple

     This one may seem beyond hope. What is that stuff? Boogers? That slime you can make out of school glue and borax?

     I’m here to tell you it’s actually algae! And algae contains all the same nutrients as a superfood salad. Have you ever eaten one of those? It’s all kale, and there’s nothing on the planet that’s harder to chew than kale. The great part about algae is, you don’t have to even chew it! It’s the perfect way to get all your vitamins. Lick it off the apple, then eat the apple as normal.

     

     10. Tarnished Apple

     Out of all the apples we’d seen today, I thought we should end on a good note. This apple is dulled and unwashed. You don’t quite know where it’s been. But isn’t that the case with all our apples?

     Just rinse this one off under warm water and try not to listen to it mutter excuses for where it’s been, because honestly, you don’t want to know. Enjoy!

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     I hope all these apples have taught you to appreciate every little thing in life. And I hope you’re proud to serve an eclectic group of apples at your next dinner party! You’ll absolutely WOW your guests with your knowledge of Neopia’s forgotten and rejected apples. It’s something your party guests will remember for a long time.

     Bon pomme apetite!

     

 
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