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Fourteen Foods for Valentine's Day


by _brainchild_

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     Fourteen Foods for Valentine’s Day!

     ---Starring Lerlifa the Chocolate Draik, Rasola the Plushie Kougra, and Walda the ever so bratty Baby Kacheek!!!---

     Lerlifia: Hello there. My name is Lerlifia, and I consider myself to be a real foodie! ...No, you imbecile. Not because I’m a Chocolate pet. I am BEYOND sick of hearing those silly jokes! Anyway, I view myself as a foodie because I love trying different types of cuisine, even if I may feel a bit apprehensive about some of them. (That Ketchup Ice Cream was quite different, to say the least.) Therefore, in honor of February 14th (Valentine’s Day), I am going to sample fourteen Valentine-related foods to see whether I like them or not.

          ---Heart Shaped Negg---

     

     Lerli: This looks yummy!

     Rasola: I hear that they use faerie dust to make it taste better.

     Lerli: How is that a crime?! *nonchalantly bites into negg*

     Lerli: The flavor is lovely, but the texture is somewhat...rubbery...

     Rasola: *sigh* Those things are made of RUBBER. Our owner wrote a poem about this shady secret in Round 2128 of the Poetry Contest.

     Lerli: What? BLEEAAAHHH!

          ---2 Scoops of Friendship---

     

     Lerli: Who doesn’t like ice cream?! DIG IN!!! *begins to obnoxiously devour the treat*

     Rasola: There are TWO, so sharing is caring! *grabs bowl*

     Lerli: Fine, but I already ate the chocolate one.

     Walda: Did someone say CHOCOLATE?! *dashes in excitedly*

     Rasola: Noooooo...

     Walda:*grabs bowl* Where is the CHOCOLATE?! WAAAAHHHH! *tantrum ensues*

     Rasola: Go to your room.

     Walda: I WANT CHOCOLATE!!! *bites Lerli’s tail*

     Lerli: OWWW!!!

     Rasola: WALDA! What did we tell you about that?! That HURTS!!!

     Lerli: GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!

          ---Adorably Pink Lollypop---

     

     Rasola: This looks SOOOOOOO adorable and tasty!!! *sticks out tongue*

     Lerli: Don’t---

     Rasola: BLEEAAAHHH! What gives?!

     Lerli: I told you not to...

     Rasola: This thing is made of PLASTIC!!! WHY?!

     Lerli: It’s a customization prop, smart one.

     Rasola: I wish I had known that before!

     Lerli: *sigh* I tried to tell you...

          ---Box of Chocolate Larnikins---

     

     Rasola: I hope these aren’t real bugs.

     Lerli: Relax. They’re just choc--- I mean, candy.

     Rasola: Either way, who in their right mind would sell a product that looks like THIS?! The box is torn open, and the chocolate is MELTED! Horrible marketing, if you ask me.

     Walda: Did someone say CHOCOLATE?! *rushes in excitedly*

     Lerli: Yeah, chocolate-covered BUGS. You won’t like these.

     Walda: EWWWW!!! *runs out*

     Rasola: That was close. Anyway, I don’t want these. They’re a melted, sticky mess! Throw them away.

     Lerli: Your loss! I don’t care what my food looks like. *licks chocolate happily*

          ---Candy Heart Necklace---

     

     Lerli: Yum! *tears apart string and starts eating*

     Rasola: *sigh* I was going to wear that.

     Lerli: Who in their right mind would wear CANDY as a NECKLACE?! Especially YOU! You have plenty of expensive golden jewelry!

     Rasola: *shrug* I felt like changing up my style a little.

     Lerli: Well, these are too sweet. Want them?

     Rasola: *grits teeth* You ruined my necklace for NOTHING?!

     Lerli: Take them or leave them.

     Rasola: I guess... *chomps on candy*

          ---Bitten Heart Muffin---

     

     Rasola: These items are getting worse and worse.

     Lerli: Agreed! Who would even EAT, let alone SELL, something which a stranger already took a bite out of?! I don’t want their Sneezles!

     Rasola: Sneezles if you’re LUCKY.

     Walda: *walks in* I’m BORED---Is that a CHOCOLATE muffin?! *eyes light up*

     Lerli: No, it’s coffee-flavored.

     Walda: BLEEAAAHHH! Coffee tastes like a Pile of Soot!

     Rasola: How would you know what a PETPET tastes like?!

     Walda: Umm...

     Rasola: I’m calling the PPL!!!

          ---Heart Crepe---

     

     Lerli: This looks yummy. *eats*

     Rasola: Is that strawberry frosting?

     Lerli: Yup! Want some?

     Rasola: Meh, I’ll pass.

     *Lerli tosses out the stick that was holding the crepe together.*

     Lerli: Your loss.

     *rustling sound*

     Rasola: *turns around* WALDA!!! Why are you eating out of the TRASH?!

     Walda: There was a chocolate heart on the end of this stick! YUM!!!

     Lerli: I must’ve overlooked it...

     Rasola: This is NOT the Meridell Rubbish Dump! I can’t imagine why someone would want old food out of a dumpster...

     Walda: It tastes MORE than fine!!!

     Lerli: It’s still gross, Walda...

          ---Cupid Negg---

     

     Lerli: It looks like the arrow is made of candy.

     Rasola: I won’t overlook that like you did last time. *pulls out arrow and eats it* Yum!

     Lerli: Um, Rasola, look at your arms...

     Rasola: *looks down* AAGGHH! There’s cherry sauce all over my sleeves!

     Lerli: When you pulled out the arrow, the sauce leaked out onto your clothes...

     Rasola: Talk about a serious design flaw!!! Now my expensive dress is ruined! Remind me not to buy this again...

          ---Heart Shaped Fruit Cake---

     

     Rasola: It seems kind of odd to mix fruit and *whispers* chocolate...

     Lerli: It has fruit in it because it’s a tropical food. It may be unconventional, but I’ll try anything, since I’m a foodie. *eats it* I kinda like it, but I agree that it’s odd. The fruit overpowers the chocolate...

     Walda: *sprints in excitedly* Did someone say CHOCOLATE?!

     Lerli: Noooooo...

     Walda: *gobbles cake* Um, this is weird... *frowns*

     Rasola: Then don’t eat it.

     Walda: Not what I was expecting...

          ---Heart Latte---

     

     Rasola: I think this cup could be a lot more reminiscent of Valentine’s Day.

     Lerli: Who cares?! I bought this for the coffee.

     Rasola: However, you’re meant to keep the cup.

     Lerli: Whatever. *drinks coffee* *frowns* They put a bit too much sugar in this...

     Rasola: Let me try. *drinks coffee* A BIT?! That’s an understatement! I might as well be drinking sugar water!

     Walda: *walks in* Well, I like things which are sweet. *grabs coffee obnoxiously and drinks it* OWWWW, OWWWW, OWWWW, OWWWW, OWWWWWWWWW!!!! HOT, HOT, HAAAAAAAATTTTT!!!

     Rasola: It’s coffee, smart one. Of course it’s going to be hot.

     Lerli: *confiscates coffee* A small child shouldn’t be drinking coffee anyway! If chocolate is enough to send her on a sugar rush, imagine what COFFEE will do!

     Walda: CHOCOLATE?! GIMME SOME CHOCOLATE!!!

     Lerli and Rasola: NO!!!

          ---Bleeding Heart Jelly Sundae---

     

     Rasola: Well, this doesn’t look appetizing.

     Lerli: I agree, but I’ll try it anyway. *eats sundae* YUCK!!! What is this even MADE OF?! Not ICE CREAM, that’s for sure!

     Rasola: I’ll pass, then.

     Lerli: What could it be?! It tastes all... nasty and... gross... and... VILE!!!

     Rasola: What were you expecting?! This monstrosity came straight out of the HAUNTED WOODS!

     Lerli: That explains it...

     Walda: *walks in* Why is everyone yelling? *eyes light up* Yum! Ice cream! *gobbles sundae*

     Lerli: Seriously, don’t...

     Walda: EWWWWW!!! GROSS!!! *eyes watering* What IS THIS?! WAAAAHHHH!!! *runs away while throwing tantrum*

     Lerli: Don’t say I didn’t warn you...

          ---Deluxe Heart Waffle---

     

     Rasola: Here’s a way to get Walda to eat her breakfast. It has ice cream on it.

     Lerli: She doesn’t need it. There is little to no nutritional value in it...

     Walda: *walks in* Did someone say my name? *eyes light up* Ooohhh! Ice cream! *takes bite* OWWW!!! What did I just bite down on?!

     Rasola: You’re supposed to remove the decorations, smart one.

     Walda: WAAAHHH!!! *tantrum ensues*

     Lerli: Since you hurt your mouth, the ice cream should make it feel better.

     Walda: *devours treat* Yum! I wish it was chocolate, though.

     Rasola: *shakes head* The brat ALWAYS gets her way...

          ---Glitter Heart Candy---

     

     Rasola: How does it glitter?!

     Lerli: I don’t know... Magic, I suppose!

     Rasola: Don’t tell me they’re using faerie dust again. I don’t trust this one after hearing about that Heart Shaped Negg.

     Lerli: I’m eating it anyway. *puts it in her mouth* *eyes grow wide* Apparently the glitter is carbonated! I LOVE THIS!

     Rasola: Now I want one, too...

     Lerli: You had your chance.

          ---Angry Candy---

     

     Rasola: I wouldn’t eat those if I were you.

     Lerli: Why not?

     Rasola: Because they’ll bite you, smart one.

     Lerli: Nonsense! They aren’t alive! *eats* They are very spicy, yet sweet at the same---OWWWW!!!

     Rasola: What did I tell you?

     Lerli: These...nasty...things...0/10...don’t...recommend...

     ---

     *Lerli’s face begins to turn green.*

     Rasola: Lerli, it looks like you’re sick with Fyora knows what...

     Lerli: No kidding, Einstein! Take me to the Gelert Doctor!

     Rasola: Okay, let’s go. After we’re done, you ought to go get a refund on those evil candies!!!

          The End.

 
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