The Definite Ranking of Neopian Food
Have you ever thought about just how many types of food there is in Neopia? Because I have, and I know I can’t be the only one. And I bet you sometimes wonder: What’s the best food in Neopia? Well, worry no longer. I have very unselfishly travelled the entire Neopian globe for no reason other than to find out that information for you, the reader.
I know what you’re thinking. You probably have two questions, and I’ll answer them both for you.
No, my foodie tendencies have nothing to do with it. Like I said, me trying every delicious morsel and mouthful that Neopia has to offer, enjoying upscale food every day without a care in the world…Completely unselfish.
Second answer: Yes, I’m banned from ever coming back to Shenkuu’s food store. But let me tell you, that story about me in the paper was blown out of proportion. I mean, I was planning on paying for that food, even though it was very expensive, more than I can afford. And I wanted to practice my cardio, so running seemed like a good option…
Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Let’s just count them down, shall we? Ranked from worst to best, here’s the best cuisine that Neopia has to offer.
I’m not quite sure how Moltara even considers their dishes to be food, much less "Molten Morsels" as they are fondly described. Most of their food is made of gears, oil, and other deep fried pieces of metal. They say wait for certain foods to cool before you eat them, but with dishes like Boiling Hot Lava Soup, you’ll probably be waiting forever.
Tyrannia is a land where they think it’s ok to make furniture out of dung. If they’re ok with doing that to furniture, imagine what they’re ok with doing to food. With such winners like Bone Soup, Cactus Leaf, Hairy Rock Burger, and my favorite, Grarrl Saliva Soup, Tyrannia could afford to bring actual food from this century to their cuisine. And it would help if that food was edible (rocks and dung don’t count).
Speaking of food from this century, Meridell is another land that could afford to update their menus. I mean, who considers Stale Bread or Old Croutons a food? And did you know they actually sell Buckets of Slop? One redeeming thing I will say about Meridell is that their cheeses are very good. They have all sorts of exotic cheeses you can win from Cheeseroller. If you ever visit Meridell, skip the food shops and go straight to Cheeseroller – it’s worth it.
12. The Lost Desert
With items such as Sand Banana, Sand Orange, and Sand Cherries, I think the chefs in the Lost Desert missed the memo about keeping sand in the desert, not in their foods. And why mummify food? Are you really going to be saving it for that much later? As strange as their cuisine is, they do have a few shining stars – the Baggus, the Ummagine, and the Tchea Fruit. These fruits are known well outside the Lost Desert, and for good reason – you won’t find fruits that taste like them anywhere else in Neopia.
11. Haunted Woods
There’s no getting around to it – The Haunted Woods is a scary place. And if you’re brave enough to go there, you’ll probably be scared all over again once you see their food. I mean, Army of Undead Cupcakes? That sounds like a scary story to read around a campfire, not a treat. But here’s the thing: If you face your fears, you’ll find The Haunted Woods has some amazing food. Even the chocolate shop in Neopia has nothing on their Ghost Marshmallows or Chocolate Korbat Ice Lollies.
10. Kreludor & Virtupets
Kreludor and Virtupets Space Station have similar cuisine in that they are both, literally and figuratively, out of this world. Their food can be very intimidating, and the mean-looking green Grundo that serves the food at Virtupets Space Station surely doesn’t help. But like I said before with the Haunted Woods – face your fears and you will be rewarded. Try Virtupet’s Milkyway Shake, Space Rock Soup, and Spotted Pudding with Custard. And in Kreulodor, I recommend anything orange, such as the Orange Rambus Burger, Orange Moon Rock Pie, and Orange Pixxi Squash. Send your taste buds soaring like a spaceship!
9. Kiko Lake
When I was younger, my siblings and I would take day trips to Kiko Lake to see the glass boat tours. I have fond memories of rock sticks and fudge. And there’s something about the Kiko Lake Cookie – it’s pure melt-in-your-mouth magic. If you want to satisfy your sweet tooth, and have an amazing day, look no further than Kiko Lake. Their only downfall is their lack of options – it sure would be great to see them expand their menu.
Much like Kiko Lake, Brightvale’s specialties are limited. As a matter of fact, they specialize entirely in fruits and fruit-related foods. But here’s the thing: You won’t find better fruits anywhere, not even in Altador, where everything is made of royalty and nobility. Try the Tangella and you’ll never want to eat another apple again – and don’t forget to bring home some Tangella Jam, too!
7. Terror Mountain
I’ll admit when I first heard the term "snow food," I was more than a little skeptical. But the food in Terror Mountain completely blew my expectations out of the water. Their Chia Pops, Snow Puffs, Ice Lollies and Brucicles are incredible, and come in an endless amount of flavors. And let’s not forget Neggs, one of Neopia’s best delicacies, that come from Terror Mountain’s The Negg Faerie. There are a couple of oddballs like their Blazing Edible Snowflakes, but the rest of their food definitely makes up for it. Do yourself a favor and try the Spicy Snow Rolls – the contrast between spicy and cool will rock your world!
6. Neopia Central
Neopia Central has something for even the pickiest of eaters. With classics like the Ultimate Burger, Nachos With Cheese, Fried Shrimp, Neocola, and Fish and Chips, you will be in fried, fatty, sugary food paradise with their cuisine. Every twist on modern food started from somewhere, and that somewhere was Neopia Central. The only downside to Neopia Central’s food is that there are not a lot of healthy options – but if you’re coming to Neopia Central, let’s be real: You’re not here for the healthy food. And there’s nowhere better to indulge than Neopia Central.
Altador is a land of royalty tradition, and nobility. They’re the best of the best, and so it’s only fitting that their food would be, as well. All of their food is natural and homegrown and made with care. You won’t find a better gyro anywhere than Altador’s Hero Gyro, and their Altadorian Pastitsio is equal parts meaty, cheesy, and delicious. In Altador, even eating a dish as simple as their Cheese Stuffed Olives will make you feel like a king (or queen).
After being hidden for centuries, Shenkuu has just recently been discovered. And thank Fyora it has, because Neopia has been needed food like theirs for a very long time. With dishes such as Spicy Tofu Satay, Seaweed Salad, Cucumber Kimchee, and Hot and Sour Soup, Shenkuu cuisine brings all sorts of exotic spices and flavors that delight your tastebuds. It doesn’t hurt that Shenkuu also makes vegetables taste good – I mean, have you tried their Kale Chips?
3. Mystery Island
Mystery Island’s food takes your taste buds on a tropical journey. With exotic fruits sweeter than you can imagine, eating anything from Mystery Island takes you on an instant vacation. Their annual Gadgadsbogen festival attracts thousands of Neopets every year, and for good reason. And beyond fruits, Mystery Island offers delicious food of other varieties with a seafood twist. My personal favorites from Mystery Island are the Seafood Pasta Salad, Krakuberry Juice, Apple Fruit Pancakes, Tetraberry Pie, and Minty Shrimp.
2. Krawk Island & Maraqua
Krawk Island and Maraqua are famed for their upscale, very expensive restaurants – The Golden Dubloon and Kelp. They are both so delicious for so many reasons that they are tied for second. For Kelp, my standout dishes are the Blue and Orange Rambus Blend drink, Fish Special, Filet of Beef, Ocean Delight Salad, and the Triple Chocolate Shell for dessert. If you opt for some pirate fare instead, you can’t go wrong with the Man O War drink, Capn Threelegs Cutlass Crusade, Loretta Fontaine’s Perfect Pizza, Shiver me Shrimp, and their Famous Krawk Pie. It’ll be the most you ever spend – but it will be worth it, so savor every bite!
When it comes to cuisine, no world does it better than Faerieland. When every food item is created with love by the faeries of Neopia, you get food that is as magical as the faeries that created them. In Faerieland, you don’t just get salads; you get Celestial Salads that are both delicious and nutritious. In Faerieland, you don’t just get ice cream; you get Twinkling Ice Cream, the sweetest ice cream in Neopia. In Faerieland, you don’t just get pancakes; you get Fluffy Faerie Pancakes, the lightest and fluffiest pancakes you’ll ever eat. Faerieland has even found a way to make broccoli universally delicious with their Earth Faerie Broccoli. And don’t leave Faerieland without trying one of their famous Faerie Bubbles (my favorite is the Starberry flavor). In Faerieland, everything is magical – and their food is no exception.