The Life of a Travelling Businessman
Neopia’s greatest treasure is in its diverse lands. Something few other Neopets get to discover and experience, I get to live. Seeing each land, meeting the inhabitants. From the cold peaks of Terror Mountain to the underwater trenches of Maraqua, I’ve seen it all. For the average Neopian, this is a lifestyle fit for dreamers. For me, it is a constant barrage of horror on all senses. Travelling for business, making money to see the world, isn’t as glamorous as magazines and books would leave you to believe.
Travelling businessmen have an image of luxury, of style and high fashion. Seeing the bright lights and big cities, living the dream. Neopets imagine us as the guys who see and do it all. It can feel like that sometimes, too, with the amount of travel I do and the people I meet. It’s the life I thought I was going to live – but reality set in quickly. The image is far from the actual experience.
Business in Neopia
I’ve travelled to every land in Neopia. From Neopia Central to Maraqua and beyond, even into the stars at Kreludor and the Virtupets Space Station. I’ve seen it all, experienced it all. What I can tell you is this – there is not much glamour out there. There’s not much of anything I’d recommend, really. Not for someone from a quiet, modern community in Neopia Central.
Imagine yourself in my shoes, a regular Blue Moehog, trying to dive deep into Maraqua. The breathing apparatus, the timing, the inability to speak. Not exactly a good mixture for business. Then there are places like Tyrannia. The foul stench of dung in the air, so few residents able to speak in more than grunts, and it being only a matter of time before an angry mob wants to trash my modern technology. We haven’t even gotten into the worst of it yet.
Kings, Laws, and My Totally Rational Fears
There are different dictators, kings, rulers, and laws wherever you go in Neopia. I can travel from Altador to Meridell and experience two entirely different kingdoms. It’s more than just culture shock, too. I’ve had deep discussions in Altador, nearly found myself in a cage at Virtupets Space Station, and run away from guards at Meridell. I would like to say, King Skarl does not like gag gifts. Do not try to sell him on any.
My point here is, each area is so completely different. Whether it’s the innate nature of theft and villainy in Haunted Woods or the chaos in Tyrannia, travelling these areas is never easy. Doing it as my job has become a nightmare.
Modern Living and Why My Second Suitcase is a Portable Toilet
I get that it may be too much of me to ask for modern living and the same type of lifestyle everywhere I go, but let’s be real here. Who doesn’t enjoy plumbing and toilets? Or relaxing with a nice cup of tea and their favorite show? Or sitting on furniture not made of dung? Certainly, for me, these are the greatest joys in life. Having to sacrifice them when I travel has left me wondering how in the world the world is so different. It’s connected and we travel through it with ease, but the differences astound me. I am offered a freezing cold ice block for furniture in Terror Mountain and a warm seat made of dung in Tyrannia. In some places, I can’t even find any toilet or shower, forcing me to use what I bring with me. This can drive a Moehog insane.
Just Selling the Stuff
The point of my job, obviously, is to sell. Typically, I will sell a variety of goods. From health and hair to vacuums and tools, I can sell it. I’d say I am good at it, top ranking salesman several years running, but it’s not an easy task. Not when you’re trying to sell the same product all across Neopia.
Tyrannia’s poor plumbing? Imagine selling these Neopets plungers. You have to get creative when selling it. After all, with some of their furniture being dung, they don’t care much for wasting things. On the other hand, Tyrannia is the perfect place to sell tools and equipment for reusing things. They reuse everything, it’s part of their charm to me. Nothing goes to waste and nothing goes without some use. They are my top buyers for anything that makes reusability easier.
That’s not the case in places like Virtupets. In Virtupets, everything they don’t need gets zapped – one time I was almost on that list, but that’s a different story. Reusing things does not exist there. Not food, not plastic, not waste – nothing. Nothing gets reused, except maybe the cages. Machinery, lasers, and strange omnipresent AI rule all and make everything they need. Trying to sell them something for reusing anything is a lost cause.
Everything gets a new use wherever I go. This is why you need to be creative and be able to work on your feet in this job. I learned the hard way that selling isn’t always about selling a product; it’s about selling ideas. In Neopia, you have to have twenty ideas for every product. No place around here is the same.
Maybe this isn’t the worst part of my job, but it certainly is the most unexpected. The vastly different cultures and lives across Neopia have made selling products as they are and are intended a momentous task.
It’s Not All Bad
Okay, maybe the lack of a modern life and the horror show that is the law systems are awful, but it’s not all doom and gloom. Amongst the endless barrage of weird and strange, there are some great moments. What I love about Neopia is the Neopets I meet. Each area, with their downsides and death-defying ways, is full of beautiful and wonderful Neopets. They make it worth it. For me, they are the bright lights and glamour that I envisioned when starting this job. I might not get a toilet everywhere I go, and I might come out smelling like a sewer system, but the Neopets I meet on this journey are all worth it.