Cleaning Out Your Gourmet Foods Gone Bad
Everyone in Neopia is having fun! The sun is shining. The water is cool and inviting! Roo Island was a blast! It’s time to come home and relax! Or so you think! You walk into your home and suddenly smell something that resembles the Rubbish Pile in your squeaky clean NeoHome! IS IT THE FOOD? Jhudora’s Curse be merciful: it’s coming from the food. I am here to help you figure out what food is actually bad and what is just left something you should feed to your Skeith! Let’s dive in, shall we?
1. Week Old Glass of Milk
Don’t worry about that lumpy old half drank glass of milk! It’s not old. When you serve it up to your Neopet, tell them it’s a Gourmet Food Club delicacy. They should be able to pinch their nose while they drink it. Tell them its nature’s milkshake, nature made so there are no bad chemicals in it! (You might want to keep a bottle of Grumble Be Gone Tablets around, just in case!)
2. That Fruit Basket You Forgot About
Don’t be wasting food that might have some extra all natural green and white fuzz on it just because it smells bad. These awesomely naturally cooked fruits come packed with an extra kick and texture that your pets will sure to love! (Bonus points in the Gourmet Food Club if your pet can actually stomach this!) I would really avoid the green and purple spots though… we are unsure if it’s part of the fruit or a Wormoeba.)
3. Mummified Ettaphant Loaf
No, this bread hasn’t been around since the making of Coltzan’s Shrine, though the wrappings might have! That mummified dust and sand just adds to the bread’s extra crunch and flavor! If the bread does fall apart, you can put it on top of a salad or use it as bait down in the Fishing Vortex. I did hear a rumor once though that is how little baby Breadfish are made!
4. Mouldy Gruncheese
Yes, this cheese is supposed to have fuzzy antennas on it. And, YES, it’s supposed to be yellow, green, fuzzy and smell awesomely awful. That’s how you know the cheese was made right and with the finest moldy cheese ingredients out there. No, dear Neopet, it wasn’t made with actual Grundos. Well, at least we hope it wasn’t, but that’s neither here nor there now is it?
5. Plate of Unidentifiable Meat
Aww, the grab bag surprise of meat dinners! Now this delicious pile of various meats… No, dear Neopet, we don’t ever talk about where meat comes from. Yes, just sit down and chew. That’s a good Neopet. It’s quite good with some brown gravy. Oh dear, yes, well it seems to already have some kind of gravy already. It’s fancy Gourmet Food Club stuff. That’s how you know you’re getting five star quality cuts!
6. Molten Root Casserole
The casserole that wiggles and squiggles all over your dinner plate! You must hurry, Neopet, to eat it before it slides off your plate. We mustn’t waste good quality food now should we? No, no! The green gravy adds flavor to the dish as well as all the other identifiable floating food pieces in here. Yes I am sure that this is fit for your tummy! No, your fork didn’t just melt by the heat off the dish, well, ok. Maybe it did – but that doesn’t mean it’s not delicious!
7. Grey Eggs and Bacon
You ever heard of Green Eggs and Ham? Well, we have Grey Eggs and Bacon! Don’t mind the smell. Yes it’s still good. No the food isn’t sad. How am I supposed to know if it got dipped Grey in the Rainbow Fountain? Maybe it was. No it won’t make you sad if you eat it! Ugh, will you pipe down and just TRY IT? You might actually like it and write a poem about it for the next NT article! Or a book, yes my dear Neopet; one to make you famous… if you just sit down and eat your Grey Eggs and Bacon!
8. Banana Grub
Oh, I love this one! It has a nice slimy texture from the open banana and wriggling grubs that wiggle and giggle all the way down to your tummy! Oh, curses, one fell off the plate. Hurry before it scurries off. No, maybe that one wasn’t cooked all the way through. It’s ok. They were green and purple before. They just add flavor to the banana. They are all organic! That means it’s special, dear. No the grubs didn’t eat the banana before it was cooked or there would be holes all over it. Ok, the one at the bottom doesn’t count!
9. Intesteen Casserole
Did your precious Intesteen get zapped by the Petpet Laboratory Ray and disappear? No fear! We found it! This great petpet, erm, food didn’t go to waste! It’s been prepared by the best Gourmet Food Club chef and seasoned to perfection and covered in a 5 cheese sauce! No, why are you crying? Of course this wasn’t YOUR petpet, maybe it was someone else’s. No, there is no reason to cry! The cheese makes it all better!
10. Deep-Fried Galactic... Food Mass
We have no idea what is in this stuff, but it’s great! The crunch in this is the BEST part. Yes, it’s supposed to smell that way. It’s part of the delicacy of the food mass. Where does it come from? It’s exotic my dear Neopet! Ok, shhh. It’s from Outer Space. Ok, the Space Station. But let’s just pretend while we eat this. It traveled a long way to end up smelling that bad for us NOT to eat it. No I’m not sure why it’s still moving.
11. Gooey Green Shake
Who doesn’t love a mystery flavor? It’s green so we can guess it to be any flavor we want! It could be mint, cherimoya, crater fruit, fresh durian… no, no, no! It’s not your Chia friend from school. Queen Fyora why would you think that? Why are you crying… again?
You know what, on second thought, just donate it all to the Money Tree and take them to Hubert's Hot Dogs. It’s less of a fuss than this check list!