Come dance with the Wanderers... Circulation: 194,670,420 Issue: 785 | 9th day of Relaxing, Y19
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Late Night Musings of a Concerned Petpet Owner

by danzgirl12


As I sit back on the eve of the 8th day of Relaxing, relaxing (what a coincidence, eh?) in my favorite comfy chair, I watch my Baby Blumaroo butting heads with his Blue Hornsby, Snorklit. They have been rolling around on the floor like this for hours. Snorklit's Mootix sidekick clings to his curly tail for dear life. This is a game they've been playing every night for years. It never ceases to put a smile on my face. I also can't help but notice one of my other pets, Harley the Purple Pteri, looking completely withdrawn in another corner of the room. His petpet, Pooky McDroolish the Crabula, has been pinching him relentlessly, trying to get his attention. Yes, friends, I said POOKY MCDROOLISH! Does that name sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me? So, tomorrow being Petpet Appreciation Day, this gets me thinking: are we truly appreciating our petpets and showing them the love they so rightly deserve?

From where I'm sitting, the obvious answer is a resounding no! Let me put pen to paper and examine the evidence with you. We can start first with the subject that I have already touched on concerning dear Pooky McDroolish:

1. The Petpet Lab Ray

Similar to the secret lab that we take our pets to, the Petpet Lab Ray gives us the ability to zap one of our petpets once a day. Now, what exactly does it mean to "zap" a petpet, some of you might be wondering? Well, first, you lead your petpet into a dark laboratory and meet up with the creepiest Kookith I have ever seen. Aren't Kookiths supposed to be cute and cuddly? Anyways, the creepy Kookith then brings out a mini ray gun machine and you have to force your trembling little petpet to sit underneath it. Then ZAP!!! And then what, you ask? A few things can happen. The lab ray can increase or decrease your petpet's level (okay, not bad), change its color or species, change its name, or sometimes do absolutely nothing.

We as humans may think it's cool that a simple machine can randomly change our petpet's color, species, or name, but let's look at it from their perspective. How would you like to live your life for days, weeks, months, even years, as one thing, only to have it all change in the blink of an eye? My poor Crabula was a Robot Boween just last week. He was virtually indestructible, and now he can only scuttle about, hoping no one steps on him and cracks his shell. Aside from that, he now also has to go by the very nonsensical name of Pooky McDroolish. Clearly, I didn't give him that name! I think before he was Pooky McDroolish, he was Lollygag, but it's all just a blur to me now (as I'm sure it is to him as well). Just imagine the identity crisis this guy must be dealing with!

Oh, and it gets worse. Sometimes, the evil ray will turn your petpet into a pile of soot. The Kookith promises me it's not a painful process, but I find this hard to believe. The only positive to this is that your petpet can also be turned from soot back into something more substantial and adorable.

But the worst result of all at the Petpet Lab Ray? It can make your petpet disappear...forever. FOR--EV--ER. So don't get too attached!

2. Turmaculus

Speaking of disappearing acts, let's make a trek to Meridell and visit the biggest petpet of them all. He also has the ability to make your petpet disappear forever (at this point I'm starting to wonder if we even like our petpets at all?). The Turmaculus doesn't do much during the day other than sleep. For one hour a day, it's possible to wake him from his deep slumber by employing your petpet to do any number of loud, obnoxious things in his presence.

If you're lucky, he will reward you with some Neopoints, a nice item, or a stat boost for your petpet or pet. If you're unlucky, he won't wake up at all.

But if you're REALLY unlucky, the disturbance created by your sweet petpet will cause him to wake in a fit of rage, and rather than award you a prize, he will just chow down on your petpet instead. Yes, you have allowed this monster to eat your pet's companion for lunch. What's even crazier to me is that you probably did this just so you could win a shiny new avatar. Am I right, or am I right?

3. Petpet Avatars

This brings me to the final piece of my rant on our obvious lack of appreciation for petpets. So many petpets these days seem to be provided with homes that only want them for selfish reasons. We seem to find them useless and uninteresting until they mature to a certain age that holds meaning to us. I speak, of course, of the Mummy Babies, Quadrapi, Snicklebeasts, Huggies, Harrises, Gruslens, Mazzews, and Slorgs. We bring them home simply so we can obtain some sparkly, animated pixels that we can show off to our friends. Now, I'm not saying I'm not guilty of this behavior, too! I've been a diehard avatar collector for as long as I can remember. What I am suggesting, though, is that we remember to give these petpets as much attention as we would any other petpet. You may have never considered owning a Slorg until there was an avatar you could get out of it, but remember that even a slimy Slorg needs love!

Snowbunnies probably have it the worst. They have to wait around for an entire YEAR before they can prove themselves worthy to us. I've seen more than one Snowbunny in my day coined "No Name" after years of ownership. Come on, humans! We can do so much better than this!

Therefore, on this Petpet Appreciation Day and on every single day that follows, I ask that you take a step back and really look at all of your petpets. Realize that each one of them is unique and special (even if they haven't been chosen for Petpet Protection League or Petpet Spotlight). Whether you won them as a prize, spent your life's savings on buying them, or just attached them so you could get an avatar someday, please give each of them the same amount of love and affection that we all need and deserve.

And P.S. If you insist on still going to the Petpet Lab Ray, always remember you can rename your petpet anytime you want (something Pooky McDroolish is incredibly grateful for right at this moment).

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