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Breaking Your NeoQuest Addiction

by mianaai


Wise. Crazy. Powerful. All adjectives that imminently describe you. You wanted that avatar, the one with the weird squinty Cybunny on it. You put it off. “NeoQuest? Isn’t that the game that requires you to click 5 million times? That’s not even NeoQuest II? That was invented before Rukis were discovered? I don’t have time for that, I have a life,” you said derisively as you refreshed The Game Graveyard endlessly in an attempt to add another avatar to your collection.

But eventually you did it. You began to click your way through fights with Plains Lupes and into Dank Caves. You got your avatar; you beat the game; you’re halfway through Evil Mode and haven’t slept in weeks. It’s alright. Raise your bloodshot eyes from levelbusting in that dungeon, unclench your fist from your mouse and read this easy ten-step guide to NeoQuest Addiction Treatment.

Step One:

Admit you have a problem. Stop telling your pets that you’re relaxing in Faerieland, betting on Poogle Races, when you’re really screaming in rage at Pygmy Chiefs. If your pets are famished and you haven’t cleaned your NeoHome in weeks, you have a NeoQuest problem. Admitting it is the first step. No more blaming all of your problems on Meepits, please.

Step Two:

Back away from that Lupe. This is the time to go cold-Turdle. Enlist the help of your strongest Neopet, the one who always is fighting in the Obelisk Skirmishes, to hold you back no matter how you howl. Inform your Neofriends that you may lie and scheme to get back to fighting Drakonids. Let them know that if you’re suddenly disappearing all the time to ‘check your shop till,’ they may need to stage an intervention. Make sure that everyone in your life knows the heroic choice you’re making to not be a hero, and is willing to support you in it.

Step Three:

Take a break. Sleep more like the Giant Turmac and less like the Snowager. If I know anything about NeoQuest addiction (and I’ve been addicted myself!) you’ve earned that rest. Unlike that weird friend you have who’s addicted to The Wheel of Monotony, your Neopian addiction is certifiably hard work, if occasionally as tedious as watching the wheel spin. Taking a rest will allow your brain to reset quicker than Mist Kougra.

Step Four:

Spend more time with Neopets and NeoFriends. Now’s the time to reconnect with that Guild-mate you haven’t talked to since you found the Clouded Gem. By now I hope you’ve admitting that your Neopets have been crying for weeks. Take a family outing to Roo Island or Kiko Lake. No matter how long you’ve been clicking through caves, your nearest and dearest in Neopia will welcome you back with open arms/paws/wings. But don’t forget Step Five:

Step Five:

Apologize to those you’ve hurt with your incessant talk of Jahbal. That includes your NeoFriends, NeoAcquaintances, Pets, Petpets, Petpetpets, and the NeoMailman. Buy your Neopets new toys, buy your NeoFriends a cup of borovan. And for Adam’s sake, take that poor plushie you ripped in half in rage to Donny for fixing. You may not have realized that while you were hurting Giant Chias, you were also hurting the people around you. Now you have to fix that.

Step Six:

Find a new, constructive hobby. Now’s your chance to finally learn how to restock! Or play the Neopian Stock Market! Or become a Plushie Tycoon! Or help your fellow Neopians on the Quest Boards! I don’t know – collect stamps or something! There’s life outside of NeoQuest! Start a gallery, it’ll be good for you, even if it is NeoQuest merchandise themed. Just make sure you’re new hobby isn’t NeoQuest II – sorry, but that definitely doesn’t count.

Step Seven:

Pick a new Avatar or Trophy Goal. Or do both at once! Go for Korbat’s Lab and attempt a new Avatar and Trophy goal simultaneously; you need the trophy to get the avatar. Winning Better Than You will also earn you a shiny new avatar and trophy. Start buffing up your Petpages for the Site Spotlight contest to earn one of the rarest avatar and trophy combinations.

Step Eight:

Find a support group of Neopians who have also struggled to stop clicking ‘South.’ There’s a whole NeoBoard for NeoQuest and NeoQuest II. Finding friends there is a great place to start. Avid avatar collectors on the Avatar Boards may also understand what you’ve been through; most them at least attempt to achieve the four avatars the two NeoQuests offer. It’s nice to talk to Neopians who can sympathize with your recurring dreams of defeating Jahbal in your underwear.

Step Nine:

Take up meditation. Find a friendly Nimmo and ask her for tips and tricks to mediate. Why? What does meditation have to do with your NeoQuest addiction, you ask? Simple; at some point you’re going to be tempted to go back to your life as a White Lupe. It happens to the best of us. And when it happens to you, you’re going to need a strategy to avoid heading back to clicking that compass. As any Nimmo can tell you, meditation is a great tool for self-awareness and self-control.

Step Ten:

Congratulate yourself. Recognize that breaking a NeoQuest addiction is as difficult as beating the Archmagus of Roo. You’ve accomplished something difficult and worthwhile and your Neopets will thank you. Throw a party for yourself, your pets, and your NeoFriends! Positive reinforcement when you accomplish your goals can work wonders!

Need to finish NeoQuest? It’s okay. There are safe ways to do this without spiraling into a world dominated by Mountain Guardians and Life Elementals, without abandoning your pets to fight each other for the last 1/3 of omelette in your inventory, without weeping at the sight of an unexpected wall in that cave you’ve been exploring for days. Limit your NeoQuest time. Set strict timers and confide in your Neopets, empowering them to enforce those limits for you. You can get that gold trophy and retain your sanity.

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