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A SCIENTIFIC Look at Conspiracies and Mysteries

by homsar_eggplant


Welcome to a fun and enlightening journey behind the many oddities and hidden facts that lie deep within Neopia's depths. If you took this class by accident, you're stuck here... there's no getting out. If you have a genuine interest in the horrifying-conspiracies and dread-mysteries that perplex the minds of countless scholars, you're in luck! They'll call you mad, they'll call you insane! But in the end, this class will prepare you for many things; those who operate behind the scenes, nightmarish events kept away from public eye for good reason, forbidden places that are indeed forbidden for a reason and so much more. Prepare yourself for the dark descent into that which is not meant to be known!

SCIENCE Lecture: Mon 9:30 - 21:30, SCIENCE Lab: Tues 1:15 - 1:30 (This is all easy stuff, if you can't comprehend this, GET OUT of the science program) - TARDINESS IS UNACCEPTABLE!

Course Texts: "Strange Things Across Neopia"*, "Comprehending SCIENCE!!!!"**, "Neopianomicon - Dread Grimoire of Dark Incantations"

Course Website: Yal'Gorsarglt'chwoth.bzul'quxthulhyn.blarg

Instructor: Please, Call Me Doc! (It is illegal to say my full name in several Neopian territories!)

Office Hours: 13:00 - 25:00 Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Meepitsday

neomail: Please, write me a letter via extradimensional mail (which is the most efficient means of communication in over 13 different galaxies), I never respond to neomail.

phone: Junior ate my phone. What is a Junior? You'll learn soon enough.

About This Course

Prerequisite:SOCI1201 THIS DOESN'T EXIST - A Course About Nothing, Really! or permission from non-existent instructor. ( I don't get sociology, is it even science?)

Prerequisite:PHYS9999 STARING INTO DARKNESS - Our Terrifying Universe or permission from instructor. (This is one of my favorite courses, back when I was a student. Come to think of it, my ancient ancestors had the same instructor too.)

This course analyses all sorts of esoteric and obscure theories regarding events and oddities throughout Neopia (and beyond!) We will focus on thinking about the contexts and half-truths behind a wide variety of viewpoints, most of which are likely wrong. If time permits, we will showcase some of my theories, which are undoubtedly absolute truths. You will agree with me!!

Main Objectives

Students will learn a wide variety of topics and participate in lots of discussions. The following will be expected when the course ends.

  • Explain what lies behind the dark tapestry of our reality that keeps us safe, being changed forever after leaving behind the joyous feelings of ignorance.

  • Decipher hidden messages that are found in everyday media: neomails, neovision, neomentalmanipulation, etc. Explain the what the secret codes truly mean

  • Discover Secret Societies, their activities and membership. Also learn about how to become a member... if you aren't one already!

  • Uncover clues to locate hidden locations not meant for the average Neopian***

  • Know that you can either trust everyone or trust no one.

  • Evade those who don't want you seeking cryptic information.

Topics of Discussion During the Semester

  • Temporal Distortion - A Magnificent Phenomena

  • Backmasking Music - The Perfect Auditory Summoning Component

  • Interdimensional Portals and You - Exploring the Multiverse****

  • Sinister Cults and All Knowing Factions - The Puppet Masters

  • Ancient Arcana - Applying Science to "Magick"

  • Doomsday - Devices of Destruction

  • Much, Much More!!

Expectations of Students:

  • Always enter class, eager to learn about SCIENCE!!!!

  • Never question what I say, I speak only the whole truth. No one else is capable of truths like me.

  • Don't trust the students next to you, they could be spies for a shadowy organization or dark cult... it's really hard to tell sometimes. (You may have to follow them to find out.)

  • Ignore the distant and ethereal screams trailing from the lab next door, as you'll use said lab bright and early in the following morning.

  • Trouble student automatically volunteer as the subjects for our lab experiments. Don't be a trouble student! (Or be a trouble student, this could be fascinating.)

  • Cheating results in being thrown in the cosmic void in the boiler room (we'll cover the void in a lecture!) Also, you could be expelled.

  • Students who plagiarize deal with the same punishment as cheaters.

  • Excursions on various field trips will no longer be covered by the college's insurance plans. They're apparently labeled as high risk activities and they don't want to be held liable... or some ignorant ilk held by those power hungry pea brains.

Grading and Grade Policies:

Tests: Tests will consist of being written in a complex code language. Full credit will come to those who decode the questions and get them correct. There will no multiple choice or matching related questions, as I do not believe in coddling my students. Furthermore, there will be NO WORD BANKS!!! Missing more than two tests means an automatic failure, because you clearly don't understand my brilliance.

Participation: You are expected to participate in SCIENCE, lest points be taken off for inactivity. An active student is a happy student. A subservient student is also a happy student. Questioning this course's ethics does not count as participation.

Labs: The morning following your lecture, you must participate in a wide variety of SCIENTIFIC experiments in order to fully understand the esoteric concepts from lecture. Don't be afraid to volunteer as my demo subject, as you will get points for both participation and lab by doing so. Everyone is expected to be "Doc's Personal Guinea Pig"' at least once during the semester.

Term Paper: The term paper will be a reflection on the knowledge you have accumulated throughout the year. Part of this paper must include how the dark knowledge you have obtained has directly affected you over the course of the year, insanity included. Also, be sure to discuss how intellectual Doc is somewhere in the paper for full credit.

Grade Breakdown

Tests 15%

Participation 10%

Labs 15%

Term Paper 10%

Randomly Determined Number from Super Computer RNG 50%

Additional Info:

  • Everyone is expected to dress like a SCIENTIST during lecture and lab. Untied hair will likely catch on fire, you have been warned.

  • Laboratory Drawings should have immaculate detail. We'll show those art majors whose better at the craft!

  • Eating food during lab or lecture will result in you being volunteered as my lab assistant, as it is distracting and disgusting. Continuous misdemeanors will likely result in mutations and expulsion from the college (or from this dimension, whichever comes first.)

Class Schedule

August 31/September 1

  • Welcome to a World of Secrets - Introducing the truth beyond the veil

  • Meet the Class - Meet your peers... and their doppelgangers!

  • Lab - Sloth's Death Ray

September 7/8

  • That's No Moon - An Introduction to Super Weapons

  • Super Weapons across the World

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Dimensional Rifts

September 14/15

  • Places and Portals - Quick Transportation in an instant

  • Nexus Points of Neopia - Where Worlds Collide

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Alternate Realities

September 21/22

  • Parallel Dimensions - Why do I have an evil goatee in this reality?

  • Locked Places - What is Jelly World? Why, nothing of course!

  • Lab Test



October 4/5

  • An Introduction to Factions - Whose really in control?

  • Secret Societies Part 1 - Join the fun!

  • Lab - Mind Control Experiment

October 11/12

  • Secret Societies Part 2 - They Are Among Us!

  • Faction War - The Obelisk

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Guess the

October 18/19

  • Secret Identities - Is the Dean actually several meepits stacked on top of each other?

  • Double Agents - Super Spies and Espionage

  • Lab Test


October 25/26

  • Psionic Capabilities and You - The Joys of Psychic Powers

  • Understanding Hidden Magick - Dark Tomes and Darker Spells

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Arcane Rituals from beyond the Void

November 1/2

  • Hidden Magick Continued - Masters of Nightmarish Power

  • The Darkness is Coming - Contacting Incomprehensible Beings from Beyond the Stars

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Transmogrification Rituals

November 7/8

  • SUPER SCIENCE - Enhancing science and technology like no way before

  • Hidden Inventions - Not meant for public use!

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Super Science Tech Construction Lab

November 14/15

  • The Darkness is Here - Understanding Elder Gods

  • This Can't Happen! - Coping with Eldritch Madness and Stark Realizations

  • Lab - Non-Euclidean Geometry and Cosmic Barriers


November 28/29

  • Adventures in Space and Time - Understanding Time Travel

  • I'm my own Grandfather - Paradoxes and Warping Timelines

  • I don't exist! - Erasing yourself from time!

  • Lab - Fun with Paradoxes

December 5/6

  • Hidden Messages - Uncovering the True Meanings of Things

  • Double Speak - Masking meaning within common phrases

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Backmasking and Brainwashing

December 12/14 (December 13 doesn't exist for some reason)

  • I Have to Believe - Basics Extraterrestrials

  • Abductions a Plenty - Tractor Beams and Beyond

  • Lab Test

  • Lab - Abduction Hotspot Observations

December 17/18

  • Final Exam

  • Farewells

  • Releasing Bad Students from Dimensional Prison

I hope you'll have as much fun as I do teaching this class. And with a little bit of effort, you'll become as paranoid as I am, as you understand the worlds around you for what they are. This will be a semester to remember, in one way or another.



*This is the Approved Edition, also known as the 2nd edition.

** I wrote this one. Read it, understand it, LOVE it!

***Don't ask about "Jelly World", that's just silly nonsense.

**** Stay out of the tunnels!

P.S. Please study over this syllabus extensively... as it will self-destruct in exactly 10 minutes.

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