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A Love Letter To Newbies


by indulgences

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Newbies make me smile. I see them as interesting, diverse people whose struggle to learn about the Neopets website is charming and cute!

In celebration of Neopets' birthday this November, I thought I'd write an article all about why we love newbies!

So here are 100 reasons why newbies are absolutely lovable!

1. Only a newbie would look at Draiks and Krawks and say, "Ew, reptiles. No thanks."

2. Only a newbie would try to trade her Split Cybunny for a Royalboy Peophin and be absolutely sincere about it.

3. Newbies like converted pets better than unconverted pets.

4. Newbies actually feel sorry for pets in the Pound.

5. Newbies think that having one million Neopoints is an impossible goal.

6. Newbies think that being famous on the Neoboards is the pinnacle of cool.

7. Newbies cry when their pets cry.

8. Newbies panic when their pets complain.

9. Newbies have hero worship of veteran players, and get excited when famous Neopians talk to them.

10. Newbies spend hours exploring the Neopets planet (for fun!), while many veteran players no longer remember where certain locations are.

11. Newbies are truly confused when some people insist Jelly World is real, while other people deny its existence.

12. Newbies are proud of their newly customized pets, even when they're wearing clothes that cost under 100 Neopoints.

13. Newbies are hopeful and bright, not jaded or snarky.

14. Newbies think that speaking in chatspeak ("U R GR8!") is trendy and cool.

15. When you're giving away Paint Brush clothing from your Secret Laboratory Ray zaps, newbies innocently ask you for clothing even though they don't have the right pet to dress up in said clothing. (For instance, they send you a Yellow Grarrl when they want the Desert Grarrl clothes.)

16. Newbies cry when they find out that many of the foods on this site are made of Neopets. (Blumaroo Steak, anyone?)

17. Newbies claim that they'll only ever own one pet. 2 years later, they own the maximum of 20.

18. Newbies always declare that they don't need the NC Mall to dress up their pets. A year later, they're spending 2000 NC a month at the NC Mall.

19. Newbies don't believe in "status pets." (For instance, they would much rather have a Pastel Blumaroo than a Darigan Draik.)

20. Newbies don't know who Adam and Donna are.

21. Newbies actually report spammers, while veteran players shrug and ignore the threads. Or even add their own snarky comments to them.

22. Newbies think that they're brilliant for starting new galleries. ("A gallery all about Faerie items! Genius! No one else has done this before!")

23. Newbies are ecstatic when they catch cheaply painted, badly named pets at the Neopian Pound.

24. Newbies strive to accumulate as many Neofriends as possible, even if that means over 200 Neofriends that they never even talk to.

25. Newbies cram their Safety Deposit Boxes with their dailies items instead of selling them. ("I have 700 items! Woohoo! I'm so rich!")

26. Newbies claim that they don't need Premium to enjoy the site. 2 years later, they have a 12-month contract with Premium Neopets.

27. Newbies always collect Omelettes. Always. No one really knows why.

28. Newbies spend an exorbitant 10 hours working on their first Neopian Times article.

29. Once newbies get into collecting avatars, they always lament not being able to earn the retired ones.

30. Newbies always use their newest acquired avatar, rather than a fancy or expensive one.

31. Newbies genuinely think they have a chance at being lent the SuAP or MSPP avatars when they beg the Avatar Neoboard for a lend.

32. Newbies always believe they have limited abilities, but then discover that a certain game is easy for them, or that drawing is actually fun. Their Neopets hobbies blossom from 2 to 10.

33. Newbies tend to befriend other newbies. They ask each other for advice all the time.

34. The Altador Cup is extremely difficult for newbies that have never played Yooyuball before. They're proud to score 2 goals per game, even if it ends in a draw.

35. Newbies are actually spooked by Spooky Foods.

36. Newbies tend to give their newly created pets really bad names, rife with numbers and underscores.

37. Newbies give their accounts horrible names, not realizing that the usernames will look like an eyesore forever, and ever, and ever, and ever...

38. Newbies have to be told that helpful sites like Sunnyneo and Jellyneo exist.

39. Only newbies are proud of their badly named pets.

40. Newbies think that unconverted pets aren't that special.

41. Newbies wonder why computers, televisions, trains, cars, and planes don't exist in Neopia.

42. Newbies always want to join a guild right away.

43. Newbie galleries always start off as "random items we've accumulated that look cool." It isn't until a year later that they make purposeful galleries with specific themes.

44. Newbies always wonder why there are items on this site that have no purpose other than to be collected, like school supplies and unwearable clothes.

45. Newbies have a hard time with the Altador Plot and usually take several months to complete it, whereas veteran players starting out on new accounts can finish the plot within a week.

46. Newbies always wonder why there's no Sent Neomail folder.

47. Newbies wonder why the Official Neopets Team Message Board is always empty.

48. Newbies always give cheap Petpets to their pets, because their pets look lonely without them.

49. Newbies have strong antipathies to certain pet species, whereas veteran players accept all pet species after having played on this site for many years.

50. Newbies tend to call the Neopets team "the TNT team," though that actually turns out to mean "the The Neopets Team team."

51. Newbies collect clothes that aren't wearable, assuming incorrectly that they will become wearable in the near future.

52. Newbies are always proudest of their 200th avatar.

53. Newbies always tackle one project at a time, rather than juggling multiple projects. (For instance, they'll concentrate on getting new avatars, instead of also striving for a Poetry Contest trophy, a Neohome trophy, and a Neopian Times trophy all at the same time like veteran players do.)

54. Newbies feed their pets with Omelettes every day instead of sticking them in the Neolodge.

55. Only newbies are proud of their common, premade user lookups.

56. Newbies stalk the Money Tree looking for Neocash wearables.

57. Newbies aren't aware that the most popular way of pairing pets and Petpets is by comparing their colors. Instead, newbies simply give their pets the Petpets that look cool on their own merit (like giving a Spotted Gelert a Robot Cobrall).

58. Newbies always ask for donations. Always. Not knowing that it's against the rules, and that it's the biggest no-no there is.

59. Newbies are never aware of the existence of the Secret Laboratory Ray until several months into their Neopets experience. It's quite secret, indeed.

60. Newbies always want to learn how to take screenshots, and ask the Help Neoboard how. It's always their first time with making screenshots.

61. Newbies innocently try to circumvent the filters, not knowing that this is against the rules. (For instance, putting asterisks in the middle of a word so that a Neomail can be sent.)

62. Newbies are always bewildered by the plethora of Petpets that exist on the site. (476 unpainted ones, at the time of the writing of this article.)

63. Newbies immediately populate their accounts with the maximum of 4 pets, rather than simply sticking to one pet.

64. Newbies immediately customize all 4 pets, despite the cheapness of their clothes.

65. Newbies panic when their pets are sick.

66. Newbies stalk the Avatar Neoboard, trying to get lent avatar pets and items. They're enormously proud when they're lent Halloween Rukis and Fire Blumaroos.

67. Newbies are always extremely thrilled by their first game trophy.

68. Newbies are kindhearted and want to be generous right away, by lending out avatar pets or by lending out avatar items as soon as they are able to, financially.

69. Newbies are always shocked by the first time they accidentally feed an item to their pet instead of using it, like feeding an Ogrin Morphing Potion to a Grarrl.

70. Newbies are grateful for every Neopoint earned from their shops, while veteran players just donate their cheap items to the Money Tree.

71. Newbies emulate veteran players, and strive to be like them in every way (copying their avatars, pets, user lookup, etc.).

72. Newbies never actually post on the Newbies Neoboard, for some reason.

73. Newbies genuinely wonder why Neopets doesn't sell real life merchandise besides Neocash Cards. They would love to own Neopets toys, notebooks, stickers, and other real life items.

74. After experiencing the site for a few months, newbies always have the ambition of starting their own guild.

75. After experiencing the site for a few months, newbies want to start ambitious petpage directories, such as a record of every Maraquan Krawk in Neopia, or a list of every Darigan pet that's currently up for adoption.

76. Newbies think that Lab-only colors such as 8-Bit, Chocolate and Robot are the pinnacle of awesomeness.

77. Newbies that ask "stupid" (i.e. basic) questions on the Help Neoboard are often gifted with items from sympathetic veteran players.

78. Newbies come from all ages and from all walks of life, and it isn't right to assume that newbies are necessarily youngsters.

79. Newbies don't mind using default avatars. In fact, some newbies prefer them over all other avatars.

80. Newbies are always curious about this site's history, such as the old layout, or the fact that pets weren't always customizable.

81. Newbies are positively agog at the well-statted pets of Battledomers. They're inspired to train their own pets as soon as humanly possible.

82. Newbies never make fun of other players.

83. Newbies never boast.

84. Newbies are convinced that TNT pays attention to the Ideas / Suggestions Neoboard.

85. Newbies gape at the fact that Pirate Draik Morphing Potions are ("an exorbitant") 300,000 Neopoints and Pirate Krawk Morphing Potions are ("an exorbitant") 200,000 Neopoints, not knowing that they used to cost 7 million each.

86. Newbies never know how to properly pronounce the names of Neopian pet species.

87. Newbies don't realize how rare and thrilling it is when TNT posts on the Neoboards.

88. Newbies honestly believe that a 3-line Neomail application will get them a Royalgirl Aisha that's up for adoption. ("Hi my name is Harry and I love cats. Please let me adopt your Aisha cat. Thank you.")

89. Newbies always use their first Fountain Faerie Quest to get a cheap color for their pet, rather than the most expensive color. (Rainbow, anyone?)

90. Besides getting their dream pet, many newbies' most treasured goal is to be a famous Neopian.

91. Many of the Neofriends that newbies make as newbies will stay with them forever.

92. Newbies are heartbroken when their Neofriends take hiatuses from the site.

93. Newbies think that having (only) 50 Neofriends isn't good enough.

94. Newbies always try at one thing, fail and vow never to try again, but then try again several months later. (Like feeding Kadoaties at the Kadoatery.)

95. Newbies despair of ever reaching 300 avatars.

96. Newbies sometimes have multiple game accounts on multiple game sites, but after a year of playing Neopets, quit them all for Neopets.

97. Newbies always force their real life friends to join them on Neopets.

98. Newbies get hopelessly addicted to Neopets after just a week of playing.

99. Newbies always start off by liking a limited number of pet species, but eventually learn to accept them all.

And finally…

100. Newbies aren't always newbies! You can tell by the way that their usernames are named after popular Neopets things, like Petpets or items. These veterans have been part of Neopets for a long time, belying the ages of their new accounts!

Did this list make you smile? Good, because that was my intention!

Long live newbies! And may they be forever clueless and adorable!

 
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