The inside scoop on Jelly W-argh! *choke* Circulation: 193,523,354 Issue: 695 | 21st day of Hiding, Y17
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

How To Truly Celebrate Mutant Day

by klarevoyant


Chicka: Sup homies! Happy Mutant Day! This public service announcement is brought to you by the most famous UC mutant Hissi in all of Neopia. *smirk*

Poonga: Chicka, don't brag! Besides, that's not even true. *blushes* Good morning, everyone. In the spirit of Mutant Day, we'd like to give you a run-down of how to celebrate this most magnificent holiday in style.

Chicka: What she means to say is, here's how to have the most excellent and distorted Mutant Day of your life!

Poonga: Sure… yeah that.

Chicka: Considering that we're experts on the subject, here's how yours truly like to relish in the glory of our favourite day of the year (except our birthday and the Day of Giving, obviously. And the 31st day of the Month of Collecting muahaha).

Poonga: Okay, first… start your day off right with a warm and puffy Tall Stack of Mutant Pancakes. The sugar rush really gets the blood bumping and prepares us for a day filled with mischievousness and pranks.

Chicka: See those light blue specks? Some say they're pebbles, some say they're eyes. We personally think they taste like bubbles of snot. It's my personal opinion, in fact, that the green syrup is merely popped snot globs or maybe goo that oozes out of the Florg's nose.

Poonga: I bet they add some of this Mutant Chia Snot as a garnish!

Chicka: Wait, isn't snot always mutant? Regardless, I actually prefer to use the snot to adorn Mutant Doughnuts instead. There's something fantastic about the combo of fried dough and liquid mucus that gives me the greatest feeling of being alive.

Poonga: And don't forget a Mutant Apple for breakfast – you know what they say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

Chicka: C'mon Poonga, you must be joking if you think that ugly thing is going to prevent any illnesses. In fact, I bet one bite of the hairy skin or slimy tongue will send you right to the Neopian hospital.

Poonga: You're right. You might have a better chance of keeping the Grarrls away than the doctors – how frightening! I wonder what trees produce those apples…

Chicka: Moving on! Once you're finished your most important meal of the day, it's time to pick out the most cringe-worthy mutant outfit you can.

Poonga: Now, this isn't really our specialty since we're unconverted and can't wear clothing. However, we think this Mutant Apron is simply dashing!

Chicka: Oh, for sure! How can you NOT wear this thing? The forest green color almost matches our Hissi scales. And! And! It can moonlight as our Halloween costume this year. It's truly the perfect look.

Chicka: After you're dressed, it's time for the activities to begin. Since our petpet, Frankie the rock, isn't mutant, he doesn't really bask in the excitement of this holiday. Sometimes we visit friends' petpets.

Poonga: Oh yeah, if you want to blend in with "it" crowd on Mutant Day, you will definitely need some sort of lovable mutant petpet to call your own. Personally, I recommend the Mutant Bearog or Mutant Angelpuss.

Chicka: Yeah, one of them is truly the most hideous and horrendous petpet I've ever seen, and the other is the perfectly radiant Angelpuss. Just look at his cute wittle eye twitch and eggplant-purple brows. On point!

Poonga: If you take a walk and show off your weird petpets in Neopia, I recommend you also swing by the Neggery and have a look at the Mutant Neggs. We sometimes use them to decorate our table centerpieces or to scare the neighbor children.

Chicka: It looks like a creepy doll if you ask me. Rumor has it, the little negg will watch you all night long in your sleep. Now, if that doesn't scream "Yay Mutant Day" I don't know what does.

Poonga: And let me know if you want the recipe for my world-class negg soup, by the way. Mutant Neggs make for perfect flavoring – a sort of cross between potato and chocolate, of course.

Chicka: But Poonga, not everyone is as good of a cook as you. What about the less foodie and more artsy among us?

Poonga: Well I suppose you could gather your mutant friends and make collages or art projects.

Chicka: Oh, oh! And using this…wait for it…Mutant Gluestick!

Poonga: What exactly comes out of that thing? It looks like some sort of pulverized sea kelp inside of a warty container.

Chicka: Don't you know?! It's the very glue that attached us together at birth to make us mutant! They also use this to glue on extra eyes or tongues or various anatomies for mutant creatures.

Poonga: Wow, Chicka sometimes your insane creativity baffles me... But it does look like some powerful stuff.

Chicka: Okay, fine, I made that up. But we can still use it to make a Mutant Day card, with glitter and stickers too!

Poonga: While you're crafting or otherwise busy enjoying this holiday, I recommend you keep an assortment of Mutant Lollipops in your pocket in case you need an afternoon snack.

Chicka: *cough* Of course, the assortment would be much better if it included a mutant Hissi lollipop *cough* How dare they exclu—

Poonga: Anyway! These little sweets are sure to cheer up any grumpy Mutant Shoyru or Usul you might come across. They're even color-coordinated to match with flavors. See that mutant Bruce? Fig flavored! Yum-yum.

Chicka: *humph* I still wanna see some mutant Hissi merchandise. C'mon, bring me the good stuff!!

Poonga: I suppose we could dust off the ol' Mutant Hissi Mug that we keep in our cabinet. Remember when Katie gave us that mug from her trip abroad? She said it was from a vintage antique store, a reminder of all the ancient mutant Hissis that came before us – after all, we’re part of a long tradition of mutants.

Chicka: Now we're talking! I can use the mug at every meal to appreciate our (well, my) natural and often overlooked beauty. Y'know, mutants really don't get enough credit in the beauty department. Just look at our fiery eyes and long, stroke-able neck. This is what Mutant Day is all about.

Poonga: And vanity, apparently.

Chicka: Hey!! It's true. We don't get enough love around here. So thanks y'all, for reading our tale of how to truly take advantage of this festive holiday.

Poonga: We appreciate all your kindness towards our so-called ugly colour. Happy Mutant Day!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


More Important Things...
Three Neopets were in their home, relaxing. It was still early in the morning, so none of them would go out to the beach yet. A red Zafara was whistling as she bustled about the house, searching endlessly for any Neopoints that their owner might have dropped in the couch or in one of the armchairs. Another pet, a green Eyrie was following her around with a frown on his face.

by olivia_lucien


It's a crazy Neopian world out there.

by globetrekker


A Stranger Tale of Goldrun: Part Two
The Stranger took the old Aisha's advice not long after finishing his drink. The saloon had seemed welcoming enough, but the stare from Holly made it clear that he should either buy another drink or leave. In order to do that, he would need Neopoints, and for that he'd need to speak with the sheriff.

by herdygerdy


Peril in Brightvale's Beryl Meadows
The sisters treaded through lush green meadows, enjoying the vibrant voices of the birds as they approached their new home in Brightvale. The comforting breeze loosened leaves from their branches and danced upon the ladies' skin. Their hair twirled in the wind, reflecting bright sunshine. The grass was slightly dewy from the previous night's rainfall. When they reached their beautiful abode, they gazed in awe at its contents.

by _brainchild_

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.