A New Trip for Plumpy
Also by button04_nice
Did you know that there could somehow be a day when a nice, jolly plumpy like me became uninterested in bacon? Okay, stop giving me that shocked glare, because neither did I, at least not until today. There I sat, fiddling around with my still giant breakfast of hot, juicy bacon bought right from that aproned chia in the hamburger shop across the street.
"No, no, I said NO! No more bacon!"
I pushed away the giant plate with a pair of fluffy white paws, right off the Bilge Dice Gaming Table that we got second-hand, and now use for an ordinary dining table. Sure, the old owner claimed that it was custom made and we could play Bilge Dice like the pros, but when you're using it to eat off of, the dice sure get in the way.
"Well, what do you want?" my old Acara owner asked me with an exasperated sigh. No relation to the other equally old Acara that ran some charity corner that drove all the neopets crazy. Something about how the Acara occasionally gave away a rare stamp or two, and prizes to the top donors.
"All the hot-dogs I got you from the quirky Mynci and cookies from the lovely little Kacheek have all gotten mouldy! You know as well as I do that mouldy leftover are worth no more than 1 neopoint!"
I shook my head, for no one ever seemed to get me. Sure, I might be twenty eight pounds of pure fur and fluff, but that didn't mean I had to eat my weight's worth of food every day!
"I want a trip. I'm tired of living in this two room neohome with cardboard for walls and dirt and weeds for a carpet! The candles in here keep flickering on and off and we don't even have a garden!"
Of course, there was no way in the world we were moving. The old Acara had lived in this "humble abode" for the past fifteen years and every time I made any sort of a suggestion to moving down to Faerieland, she would go on her ramble about how they just didn't make neohomes like this anymore. They had converted to newer (and might I add, better!) mechanisms, and the classic, unconverted styles would soon be gone forever.
"Plumpy, you know we've been happy with going as trip-less as possible. You eat my funds completely dry with all your bacon demands!"
Right. I forgot to tell you. The other elderly Acara runs the charity corner. We might as well BE the charity corner.
"If you're bored, plumpy, why don't you go for a stroll down to the Money Tree, darling?"
In comes the ramble.
"There are some nice Shiny Obsidians there, and some nice bottles of sand. I found a Rainbow Bottle of Sand there the other day. Maybe a Coltzan Plushie or... or don't you like that Pink Buzzer Flying Disc I got you?"
Short answer? No.
Long answer... well...
"Right, and you also brought back a poisonous snowball without realizing that it was poisonous. It's in the name! We have ten Shiny Obsidians and I still haven't gotten rid of the smell of that smelly jelly with the rotten fish in the center! And for the last time, Plumpies don't need to wear old rotten sandals or shoes! No left foot, and no right foot either!"
"Okay, I suppose we've already gotten nine items from the money tree today, the old wise tree probably wouldn't let me get many more anyways. Why don't you go play with your friend Karla?"
I shook my head, sending tufts of white fur flying everywhere (what? I told you I had twenty eight pounds of fur!).
"Karla is an invisible Angelpuss," I pointed out.
"What's wrong with invisible? Just because you're not painted a different colour doesn't mean ---"
"Invisible means I can never find her!" I cried.
"Hmm... okay, what about Pile of Soot?"
"Pile of Soot is not a pile of soot – did you forget?" I retorted. "Pile of Soot is a WARF!"
The last time I got anywhere close to Eve's petpet, the feisty warf chased me all the way back to my dirt and weeds home in all of two minutes. Now let me tell you that plumpy is not known for being the fastest runner, but boy that I run then!
"No, Corn is afraid of the light."
Corn resembled Candy Corn Classic, but because she had the name vampire in her name, she somehow convinced herself – and that owner of hers too – to believe that she was just like Count Von Roo himself.
"Okay, okay, I give up!" Ahhh finally, I got my owner to throw up her paws in defeat.
Perhaps, for the first time ever, the totally not-whiny, most obedient petpet ever would get the trip of her dreams. Faerieland! If I couldn't convince my owner to move permanently to one of those shiny, nice, converted homes down in the peaceful crater, maybe we could at least go for a visit! Once she sees how nice those houses were... well, I'm sure she'd be blown away.
Even Terror Mountain would do! Sure, I might not want to live there permanently and eat nothing but icy slushies with a side of Bacon and Egg Ice Creams, but a visit up to the snowy hills and mountains would be quite refreshing in comparison to what I had now.
Okay, maybe even Terror Mountain was too far of a stretch. Roo Island, though, was nice and close. Not only had they never been, but they had the nice King Roo's castle, which might be open to visitors. Perhaps I could even convince my owner to take a gamble over at the Dice-A-Roo Tournament Hall or pick up a coffee over at the coffee shop. With the 2000 neopoints I'd win over at the story telling booth thanks to my great sense of humor, of course.
Or... maybe none of the above.
How about a nice tiki tour down at Mystery Island?"
Ah, what a kind suggestion. (Hear you the sarcasm?) Of course that's the only place we'd go. Twenty five neopoints for her, and somehow, she would manage to squeeze all twenty eight pounds of me on for free. Why I've seen that boring tropical place at least ten times. And regretted it the last nine. In fact, we should have just saved those neopoints from those nine trips and replaced our dirt and weeds carpet with a nice, itchy layer of straw.
"Okay, plumpy," the old Acara said at last. She was probably sick and tired of my incessant mewing (which I picked up from my friend the mutant kadoatie down the street, I might add. Although somehow, the kadoatie seems to always get 5,000 neopoints every time she does it!), and finally decided to give in to my demands.
"We're going on a trip, finish your Bacon Achyfi and we can go."
And so we went on our jolly way. Roo Island! Terror Mountain? No, it had to be Faerieland! I had to hope that we were going to Faerieland! Meridell? No, not there, for King Skarl would have already eaten all the bacon! Brightvale would be okay, though...
"So, Faerieland?" I asked with my innocent amber eyes and a shiny, glowing halo. Not grumpy at all – why I don't know why "Grumpy Plumpy Eyes" were a thing anyways. Maybe I wasn't the best petpet in the world, but a trip to Faerieland would surely change that!
"Close your eyes, we're almost there, plumpy darling!"
I closed my eyes, ready to set sight on beautiful faeries and a nice sparkling Rainbow Fountain when I opened them once more.
Something didn't sound right... or smell right either, for that fact. In fact... it smelled fishy... incredibly... and absolutely literally.
On the bright side, my water-soaked fur now weighs fifty pounds. And there's a nice pile of red kelp where my halo used to be.
Maybe more bacon wasn't a bad idea after all.