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10 Things We Did While The Neopian Times Was Gone


by j_harkness

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While the Neopian Times had a break in circulation these past few months, Neopians everywhere were left feeling slightly out of touch with their fellow players. Some turned to idleness and despair, while others (notably, the co-authors of this article) tried to fill the void in their artistic lives by pursuing other avenues of expression.

At the very least, enjoy this reprieve from the hectic schedule of your day-to-day Neopian pursuits!

1. Tried to Housebreak the Meepits

After years of plain ignoring the Meepit problems rampant on the site, the large amount of free time we suddenly possessed only seemed to bring more attention to the increasingly annoying behavior of the Meepits. After hours spent testing various methods of housebreaking we found that time-outs were not only ineffective, but exacerbated the problem. Spraying them with water did not have the desired effect, nor did imposing a limit on time spent plotting destruction.

Conclusion: Ineffective. Project discontinued.

2. Searched for the Mystical Jelly World

This myth turned into legend has piqued the interest of many an adventurer (and conspiracy theorist). Our two authors, having found our skills in homemaking to be lacking, found a new pursuit to occupy our time. Alas, it was fruitless. No maps we found would accurately place Jelly World on a map (perhaps the mapmaker got hungry and forgot the coordinates?), but we also found that others were rather less eager to help. In summary, the expedition can be summarized thusly: "There's no such thing as Jelly World."

Conclusion: Expedition cancelled due to lack of funding.

3. Paid a visit to the Kadoatery

The Kadoatery recently reopened after being down for refurbishment (we suspect some Mutant Kadoaties rebelled), and the joy was heard throughout Neopia. There were queues out the door on all the days we visited, eager to supply a helping hand to Kadoaties in need. It turns out our main problem was accuracy, though I'm not sure that helps poor Hiccups.

Conclusion: Altador Food Stamp is not a valid substitute for Altador Sunny Eggs. Also, it doesn't hurt to invest in some Band-Aids before your visit.

4. Entered all the Spotlight Competitions

Since our usual avenue of artistic expression was closed to us, it left some room for other, previously neglected competitions. Keeping original ideas coming after the fourth draft of an as-of-yet un-submitted Storytelling Competition entry did take a toll on the mind. There's only so many ways to describe a Patamoose, and the more you write it, the less it seems like a real petpet. Also, who in their right mind would steal one?

Conclusion: Be critical of "great plot ideas" you think of at 2 AM.

5. Remodeled our NeoHome

Our dubious qualities as homemakers aside, we did try to spruce things up a little while our pens and papers were left alone for a few months, collecting dust on the desk (we didn't clear things away, as we are firm believers that this would have resulted in an even longer Neopian Times hiatus).

However, we underestimated the sheer volume of NeoHome items available to the average-salaried Neopian in this day and age.

Lost in a maze of sofas, cushions, bedside tables and dining room tables, we decided to take the easiest way to the trend of the hour: minimalistic interior design. Behold our new bedroom, sparsely decorated wholly with Bamboo items.

Conclusion: Success. Bamboo sturdier than anticipated. Patamoose bite-marks are barely evident.

6. Honed our Customization Skills

One thing has been running as smoothly as public transportation lately, notably the NC Mall and customization-related activities (aside from the Spotlight, unfortunately). With the advent of the GBC sale in late April, things are looking up for our converted pets, which have never before enjoyed such a variety of items.

Conclusion: Success. A color-coordinated closet is a happy closet. Also, keep a close eye on your Accessories Shop Dress. Reports of high demand and low supply have reached many trading-averse Neopians.

7. Sought an audience with Dr. Sloth

We were fast running out of ideas of how to deal with the void left in our Neopian lives without the Times. Our request for an audience was granted, but we were left feeling ever so slightly bereft. The sole topic of conversation allowed was regarding our efficacy in conspiracy-related matters, and the most productive way of overthrowing monarchies. The souvenirs were really great though. The Dr. Sloth Poster in particular, perhaps.

Conclusion: Grundos are the most well behaved Neopets species. Otherwise, not successful.

8. Interned at the court of King Skarl

Our minds now filled with matters of regency and monarchy, we thought our services would be appreciated as interning court jesters, having heard that the younger of the ruling brothers was sorely in need of a laugh. This was partly successful, in considering that we were only thrown out half of the time. Producing a proper guffaw has proved nigh impossible.

Conclusion: Bring proper protective gear.

9. Applied for various odd jobs we found

Having now resolved to look for part-time employment, we decided a visit to the Faerieland Employment Agency was in order. However, we soon found that in order to qualify for the high-paying jobs, a coupon was required. Since salaried positions are hard to come by in the Neopian economy, we looked into purchasing such a coupon. When that didn't pan out, we decided instead to go buy those five anchovies pizza and netted a post-purchase profit of 15 sweet, sweet Neopoints. Thanks, Fyora!

Conclusion: Try winning a Job Coupon from the Wheel of Knowledge.

10. Tried to answer our own editorial questions

It turns out, the co-authors of this article know quite a bit about the goings-on in Neopia. In browsing boards, we find we often possess the answers people are asking about certain site aspects and/or peculiarities. In light of this discovery, we attempted to answer our own editorial questions, including such gems as: "When is the Neopian Times returning?", "Will the Defenders of Neopia ever return?" and "Where's that item you x on z and when is w doing y (insert your own pertinent details)?".

Conclusion: We're no longer that annoyed with Meepits.

Congratulations on the long anticipated and awaited return of The Neopian Times! You've been sorely missed. From your thrilled boredom fighters, Cap and Sym.

 
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