Bathing Your Aggressive Neopet
We've all had one. That Neopet that would rather be in the Battledome than playing with its toys, that always picks up a fight with its siblings, and that bites you at every chance it gets. But all Neopets, despite their disposition, have to be kept clean. So at some point, the time will come that you have to give that Neopet that is straight out of your nightmares a bath. This comprehensive guide will cover how to give your aggressive Neopet a bath with minimal injury to yourself.
1. Acquire protective clothing, or if available, armor.
Many Neopets have fangs, claws, or spikes that may be able to cause damage to the innocent owner who tries to bathe them. Protection is necessary as serious damage to unsuspecting owners can be caused by poking, clawing, or biting from their aggressive Neopet.
Good Armour Options
Ceremonial Shenkuu Warrior Armor
This armor is very good for bathing aggressive Neopets as it contains large layers of both padding and metal, meaning that a Neopet's claws, spikes, or fangs cannot go entirely through it. Unless you have certain very spiky, often long-fanged Tyrannian Neopets in which case layering armor or just trusting them to bathe themselves is better. Examples of these Neopets include the Tyrannian Draik, Hissi, Jetsam, Kougra, Moehog, Wocky, and Xweetok.
Dark Battle Armor
This armor is comprised of many layers of metal plate. It is not quite as sturdy as the Ceremonial Shenkuu Warrior Armor, but it is a good option to be layered with stronger coats of armor, and unless you have one of the Neopets mentioned above, it should work for your armor needs. If its color isn't quite your style, it comes in Dyeworks options Pink, Blue, Grey, and Orange.
Fancy Dress Armor
This strong, many-part, yet stylish armour has the advantage that, because it is comprised of largely leather with metal reinforcements, it has less risk of rusting than more metal-based armors, but it is often used more for looks than for actual battle as it is nowhere near as strong as more metal-based armor. With potential layering, this armor would work for the less aggressive, or non-Tyrannian Neopets in your family.
Instant Invisible Armor Potion
This potion has the advantage that it does not hinder your movement or performance, and the instant armor will not rust. It creates a force field of sorts around your body which non-enchanted claws, spikes, or fangs cannot penetrate. However, this is not advised as your only line of defence as the force field does eventually wear off and Battledome pets with faerie powers can often penetrate it.
Armor To Not Use
Although there are many good armor options in Neopia, there are many that are not intended for usage and should be avoided for your aggressive pet-bathing endeavors.
This armor is very pretty, and it doesn't weigh much, but it melts and isn't very strong. The slightest tap from your Neopet's spikes, fangs, or claws can crack it and leave you unprotected. Also, if you have a Fire or Magma Neopet, or a Neopet with certain faerie powers, it can melt as soon as your pet touches you. Leave this armor for costume uses!
Lisha's Homemade Armor
It's made out of cardboard. What else is there to say?
How very festive for the fall season! Let's see, this is about the worst armor you can find. It isn't very strong, a Neopet can just eat it, it'll get goop all over you, it can rot, and it's made of PUMPKIN! So yeah, don't use this when bathing the aggressive members of your family.
Shadow Armor (TCG)
Make sure that when you give yourself armor, you give yourself the actual armour, not the TCG card! A TCG card will not provide you with any protection against your Neopet, even though I suppose that hypothetically, one could tape a bunch of them together to get armour of sorts, but either way, use the actual armor, not the card!
2. Find something to distract your Neopet.
Very often, an aggressive Neopet's intent when you do something it doesn't like to it is to hurt you in some way. If you are not there, it will attack whatever is nearest. Getting a toy or similar object in the tub can keep you from getting attacked by vicious Neopets.
Good Distraction Options
Battle Ducks (assorted kinds)
The advantage of these Battle Ducks over typical rubber ducks is that they can fight back. Being Battledome weapons, many highly powerful, they also can be useful for luring your pet into the tub, especially if they get to keep the duck once their bath's done. Plus, they're adorable! However, they are quite expensive so they might not be the best choice for the poorer Neopians.
Snapping Jetsam Bath Toy
This item is great for distracting the Neopet as, because it is snapping them, they will go after it instead of you. However, smarter aggressive Neopets can use it as a weapon against you so make sure that you only use this for the dumb, aggressive Neopets in your family. Make sure you take it away afterwards because an aggressive Neopet armed with this could be a highly dangerous being!
Not being there!
The best way to avoid being injured when bathing your aggressive Neopet is to fill the tub with water, give your Neopet some soap to clean itself, and run! The aggressive Neopet's first intent is to hurt you so if you leave the room quickly enough, it will just hurt anything nearby, keeping you safe and sound.
Distractions Not to Use
Blue Koi Inflatable Bath Toy
Almost any Neopet, via separate weaponry or tooth and claw, could puncture and/or pop this toy! Sudden loud noises of this toy popping actually make your Neopet more likely to attack you! It's cheap, but leave this toy for your gentle Neopets.
Dr Sloths Personal Bath Buddy
This would be very good for attracting your Battledome pets because it is a very powerful Hidden Tower weapon. But, it also could definitely harm your Neopet severely, possibly even more severely than your Neopet could harm you. Plus, it is EXPENSIVE! If you get this, then use it in the Battledome, not the bathtub.
Koi or Uniocto Bath Buddy
The problem with these is they can be easily torn apart by any Neopet, aggressive or not. Plus, many owners think they're absolutely adorable and wouldn't let their aggressive Neopets anywhere near it. Maybe if you filled the room with these, the Neopet wouldn't attack you. They're cheap for a reason!
3. Get some grooming supplies to clean the Neopet.
What would a guide to bathing a Neopet be without a section on grooming it? It comes with the territory!
Grooming Supplies for your Aggressive Neopet
This sub-section of a sub-section of the article will be divided into sub-sections, which will be divided into sub-sections themselves! It's sub-sectionseption.
What would a bath be without soap? Just a bit of time in water. You need soap!
Soap on a Rope (any kind)
This has the advantage that you can stand in the next room, safe and sound, and send this soap via the rope to your Neopet. Be warned, if your Neopet pulls the soap too hard, you'll probably fall into the bathtub with it. This happened to me once!
Meerca Toy Surprise Soap
I have not yet seen a Neopet who didn't do something to get the Meerca toy out of the soap. Your Neopet can claw it. Or, if they're Tyrannian, Darigan, or in some cases, Mutant, they can scrape it down their spiky body, and clean themselves as well as keeping themselves occupied. This keeps you safe and sound and them clean!
Friendly Soap Bar
It's so cute! The nice thing about this soap is that it's sentient and it has no intent other than keeping your Neopet clean. So toss it into the tub and run. Let the soap do the rest! However, your Neopet might want to swat it away, or make a game out of clawing it to the point where it begins to cry bubbly tears. If you're sufficiently armored to supervise, don't look while this soap cleans your Neopet. Many owners don't like to see cute things get hurt.
To Not Use
Darigan Foamy Soap
Like the Friendly Soap Bar, this is sentient, and it can be more controlled than a soap bar due to pushing the top, but I suspect that it's evil. If you want to keep your Neopet safe and sound, avoid this! Plus, imagine what would happen if you decided to wash your hands with it. Let's just say that some Neopets who washed their paws with this were never seen again. Plus, some aggressive, evil Neopets could ally with it and become a dangerous force.
Do you really want your Neopet to smell like an olive? Plenty of owners and Neopets love olives, but plenty of owners and Neopets are allergic to them as well. Plus, many of them just can't stand the smell of olives! This semi-sour scent is not necessarily something you or your Neopet want to smell like, so avoid this soap. Plus, if you use soap your aggressive Neopet doesn't like on them, they might decide to attack you.
Spectral Flower Soap
Only use this soap with Ghost or Zombie Neopets. It has a somewhat musty scent characteristic of abandoned buildings, and it's made out of the same stuff as Ghost paint brushes! If you want to keep your Neopet alive, don't use this soap. Plus, think about what chaos an aggressive Neopet could get to if they could go through walls and float!
If your Neopet has hair or fur, you're going to want them to shampoo it in the bath.
This shampoo does a good job at taking care of fur, and who doesn't love the scent of chocolate! However, don't use this if your aggressive Neopet is a Chia as this may invite Chiavorous Lupes to take a bite.
Gnorbu Conditioning Shampoo
Owners with furry Neopets spend thousands of Neopoints on shampoo and conditioner separately. This solves that problem by both shampooing and conditioning fur! However, this may not be the best choice for Gnorbus or Neopets that hate Gnorbus.
Super Shiny Shampoo
This shampoo does it all! It cleans and takes care of fur, gives it a spectacular shine, and leaves your Neopet smelling good for days afterward! Plus, it is hypo-allergenic (nobody's allergic to it) so your Neopet can't even use it as a weapon. And only for about 5,000 Neopoints a bottle. Buy this today!
To Not Use
It doesn't smell like anything. This is just water! Plus, the glitter that's in it can irritate skin and fur, and is incredibly dangerous if swallowed. An aggressive Neopet could use this as a weapon, plus, do you really want your pet to be covered in glittery water?
Usuki Magical Shampoo
This is modeled after the Magical Hair Usuki. The thing that makes it magic is that its hair grows forever. Let me tell you what happens when you use this on a Kiko with one little hair on its head. I found a sample Kiko in the pound.
- Kiko only has one hair.
- Day 1
- Kiko has head full of hair.
- Day 2
- All of Kiko's body except for face is covered in hair.
- Day 3
- Hair covers entirety of Kiko's body.
- Day 4
- Hair covers Kiko's entire Neohome.
- Day 5
- Hair covers Kiko's entire neighborhood.
- Day 6
- Hair covers all of Neopia Central.
- Day 7
- Hair covers all of Neopia.
Let's just say it took all the barbers in Neopia, a Tchea Fruit bomb, and a week-old glass of milk to save Neopia from a hairy fate. I put the Kiko back in the pound, but he got mistaken for a JubJub with his body entirely covered in hair. If you use this on a non-hairy Neopet, they will have hair all over their body. So don't use this! Plus, an evil aggressive Neopet could silently put this into every one of your Neopets' and your shampoo bottles, causing all of you to sprout huge amounts of hair. And this makes hair never stop growing, so if you use this, Neopia is doomed.
This shampoo makes hair droopy and wet, as though it's always being rained on. It might make your Neopet's hair turn grey or black. Plus, your Neopet will be depressed for months after using this. This would take the aggressive out of your aggressive Neopet, though!
Conditioner makes Neopets' hair or fur soft and easy to brush, so you'll want to apply it to them in the bath.
Illusens Organic Moisturizing Conditioner
This conditioner is very nice, as it moisturizes and conditions hair, as well as applying a brilliant shine. Plus, it helps fruit and vegetable Chias or Woodland Neopets to have good wood, stem, leaf, flower, and fruit. However, some Neopets are allergic to it.
If you have a maned Neopet, this conditioner is especially designed to add softness, moisture, and shine to manes. However, it works just as well for non-mane hair or fur, and it encourages hair to grow (but not as much as the Usuki Magical Shampoo, thankfully!) so your Neopet can have luxurious, clean, long hair.
Pebeanjay Flower Conditioner
Made from the Peabeanjay flower, this shampoo nurtures and revitalizes hair or fur, making it soft and beautiful. It also has a relaxing scent that might take a bit of the aggressiveness out of your aggressive Neopet.
To Not Use
Usuki Magical Conditioner
See Usuki Magical Shampoo. If your Neopet uses this with the Usuki Magical Shampoo every time they take a bath, then within half the time of the Usuki Magical Shampoo, hair will cover all of Neopia. And this makes your Neopet's hair never stop growing, so if you use this or the Usuki Magical Shampoo, then Neopia is even more doomed than it is with the Usuki Magical Shampoo.
TNT, why did you design this? This isn't even just gravy-scented, it is actually made from last year's gravy. Don't use this, whatever you do, unless your Neopet wants to have an incredibly realistic Gobbler costume for Halloween. Don't get the Gravy Shampoo, too!
This is last year's eggnog, which is like Neggnog, but worse. It's gloppy, many Neopets hate the smell, and it overwhelmingly screams winter holiday, so only use this during the month of December, if you really have to use it at all.
4. Dry your Neopet.
Many Neopets hate being wet, so after you bathe your aggressive Neopet, dry them despite their objections! The usual thing to dry your Neopet is a towel, so we'll use towel suggestions instead of wilder techniques like a trip to the Lost Desert or a conveniently placed fan.
Altador Cup V Neck Towel
This soft, luxurious towel will keep your Neopet dry and warm, because this is not a towel. It's a water-absorbant blanket! Using this to dry your Neopet off will warm them up and get them dry.
Wrap Around Towel
This towel is designed to wrap around your Neopet, so it can cover plenty of area. It's incredibly absorbent and soft, however, it's a bonus item from the retired April Showers Mystery Capsule, so, if you want to dry your Neopet with this, you have to trade for it or have been a Mystery Capsule addict in April of 2011. It's very effective at what it does, though!
Mynci Beach Towel
This towel is intended for the beach, but it works incredibly well for drying your Neopet as well! It's soft, absorbent, and can wrap around your Neopet easily. But don't use this with Myncies or Neopets who hate Myncies for obvious reasons.
To Not Use
This towel is definitely hot! I tried to warm up Bitis__Gabonica, my aggressive Neopet, with it and she yelped in pain and promptly bit me. Luckily, said bite did not contain venom. This towel actually nearly set our Neohome on fire and melted my favorite figurine that had somehow ended up in the bathroom. Plus, it is not advised at all for Snow or Water Neopets as it could easily turn your Water Neopet into steam and melt your Snow Neopet. Don't use this!
Moehog Sweat Towel
Eeeww. This towel can dry off pets other than Moehogs, but it won't be doing that anytime soon because it's soggy with sweat from its previous user. Being wet is better than being coated in some unknown Moehog's sweat so don't use this unless you sterilize it beforehand.
This towel smells like artificial, medicinal mint, not the greatest of smells. Plus, some Neopets are incredibly allergic to it, so don't use it, even for Neopets who aren't allergic.
There! You can now sigh with relief, because now you can survive bathing your aggressive Neopet. Goodbye!