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Letters From an Ice Muncher


by pillsi

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To my dearest and most esteemed reader,

I am unashamedly an ice muncher. Many Neopians feel the need to criticize my obsession with ice munching; however, I say pish-posh! If my teeth crack from biting into frozen water, then so be it. If my brain permanently freezes from eating such gelid nourishment, then let it happen! I write this letter to you to inform you of the best ice to munch on in all of Neopia in hopes that you will recognize the beneficence that is ice and the maliciousness that is Tea, Coffee, and Hot Cocoa.

Ice Cereal

While, without a doubt, you start your day with a fresh pot of House Blend Coffee, I highly recommend you switch up your morning and try and hearty bowl of Ice Cereal. This is an icy way to start your day and for a measly 75,000 Neopoints! Sounds wondrously cold, correct? Putting aside the price of this morning meal, Ice Cereal has proven to enhance hydration and promote weight loss. After all, solid water is exceedingly healthy and calorie free! Nothing starts off an ice muncher's day right than a bowl of Ice Cereal. Just be sure to pour cold milk over your Cereal!

Spicey Ice Soup

At first glimpse you may ponder, "Spicey Ice Soup? How can this be?" Believe me, cherished reader, this glorious mixture of flavors makes any lunchtime meal feel like a night out at Kelp. This soup is especially mind-blowing for the Neopet with the sensitive pallet because, well, at least you cannot burn your tongue if you are munching on ice! For only 860 Neopoints, you can pick up a bowl of this soup at the Super Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop. Be sure to stop by on your next trip to Terror Mountain.

Icy Onigiri

So you are not interested in soup for lunch? How about munching on some Icy Onigiri! This delicious morsel is made of rice frozen into an ice ball. Be sure not to start a food fight with this, however, because it may be very lethal to whoever is hit. Nobody wants to risk a trip to the Healing Springs; they may a get poisonous snowball instead of health. While many people enjoy Icy Onigiri on its own, I personally prefer it with a good 'ol bowl of that Spicey Ice Soup mentioned earlier in this letter.

Ice Cheese

Dearest reader, are you plagued by gnawing hunger around 3pm NST? Then keep some Ice Cheese in your freezer at work! As long as you do not plan to grate the Ice Cheese, for it makes such a horrendous sound, this small snack will fight your mid-day blues. I love to switch this snack up by coupling Ice Cheese with some Ice Crackers. I'll even let you in on a little secret if you promise not to tell anyone. Do you promise? Good! Do not buy Ice Cheese from the Super Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop. Neopian inflation has resulted in this food being restocked at a higher price than what you can find from the Shop Wizard.

Neatly Stacked Ice Cube

If Ice Cheese is beyond your measly snack allowance, try some Neatly Stacked Ice Cubes from the Super Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop. They cost only 185 Neopoints! Tasting much better than its smaller portion, the Melted Ice Cube, this precise snack will curve any talkative tummy. Even better, these Ice Cubes are the epitome of simplicity, a radiant snack for any veteran ice muncher. Just remember, there is a procedure in which this goodie must be eaten! Always consume the middle ice cube first!

Ice Meat Loaf

Your day has come to an end, you undo your tie and throw it on the sofa and wonder, what is for dinner? Well, why not some Ice Meatloaf? This dinner is a wonderful centerpiece on a plate full of ice vegetables. Conveniently stocked in Super Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop at the top of Terror Mountain for a soft price of 2,800 Neopoints, this meal is a family favorite for any Neopian. Nothing says a family bonding moment than mother's home frozen Ice Meat Loaf.

Icy Baked Beans

Despite their icy composition, they are in fact still a magical fruit. Due to this charmed nature I wholly promote a good bowl of Icy Baked Beans every day! Sometimes twice a day! Even three times a day! Might as well munch on nothing but Icy Baked Beans. Then all of Neopia can hear your ghastly tune. Just be sure that you freeze the beans AFTER you bake them... or else they won't be icy.

Plain Shaved Ice

Now that your stomach is full of Icy Baked Beans, why not indulge in some dessert? After all, you went to extra training at the Swashbuckling Academy, fully appreciating that Training Fortune Cookie. Now, I would get into the growing list of available Shaved Ice flavors, but that is an article for another issue of the Neopian Times. At the end of the day all you need to know is that Plain Shaved Ice is the traditional dessert of any simplistic ice muncher. Therefore, always make sure your shopping basket is full this dessert at the Super Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop.

Ice Lolly

Do you crave something a little more upscale than the simplistic Plain Shaved Ice? How about an Ice Lolly? Any Neopian will fight for this food and who can blame them? It is made of 100% real ice! Oh, what an organic masterpiece. I personally love this dessert for the edible stick. No other Lolly has an edible stick made glorious, wondrous ice!

Ice Ice Cream

If you are aiming to win access to the Gourmet Club, then I fully endorse consuming Ice Ice Cream. This delicacy is great for a hot day. Are you wondering where you may obtain this food? This may be obtained at the trading post, but beware! Mystery Island tends to be hot and muggy; a malicious weather for any ice muncher. Therefore, if you happen to spot it at the Super Happy Icy Fun Snow Shop, fight those restockers tooth and nail! Before you know it, your Neopet will be one of many amongst the picky, pretentious diners.

For now, my beloved reader, I bid you adieu. I hope this letter has shown you the error in your coffee drinking ways, and may your teeth never break from the ice.

Yours Sincerely,

Jimbin Jurgin III

(p.s. Prices are subject to fluctuation)

A special thanks to the writers and members of JCW. Your love and support is much appreciated.

 
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