Recipes from the Glade
Also by _razcalz_
A collection of recipes by the hand of Illusen, in celebration of Illusen Day.
Dear friends, I-questers, and kindly Neopian folk of all shapes and sizes: today I would like to demonstrate my gratitude for you for your activities in honour of Illusen Day by sharing the following cookbook with you.
These recipes are dear to my heart and have, until now, remained a secret of mine. However, nothing like the present to share a bit of sweetness and deliciousness with you – and so, I hope that, like my quests, these recipes leave you feeling satisfied and fulfilled, if a little bit poorer than when you started.
A delicious not-too-sweet snack, perfect as a side for teas, or when you're feeling peckish. These can come out a bit dry, so please ensure you have something to drink on hand, or can perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on yourself. Also, did you know that "biscotti" means "twice cooked"?
Number of servings: about 24 biscotti, unless you don't keep them separate enough on the cooking sheet, in which case: 1 very large biscotti
- 1 cup of the finest Meridellian wheat flour
- 2 tsp of baking powder
- 1 cup Altadorian almonds
- 2 eggs*
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1/3 cup butter, melted
- 2 tsp vanilla
- 1 egg white, lightly beaten
Mix the flour, baking powder and almonds together. Do not inhale this mixture, you will choke. Then, whisk the eggs, sugar, butter and vanilla together, resisting the urge to eat it as is, because butter and sugar are so good. Stir it into the flour mixture until soft sticky dough forms. Divide dough in half, roll each half into a log and bake it in an oven, or have a Scorchio breathe on it, whichever is easier.
Remember how biscotti are cooked twice? Good. So, once your Scorchio has scorched your dough logs, you can cut your logs into pieces that, preferably, vaguely resemble biscotti. Bake these until they are golden, or have your Scorchio breathe on them again. Let them cool, and voilà! Your biscotti is ready to serve. Assuming the Scorchio didn't incinerate them, that is.
*About the eggs: I tend to favour Weewoo eggs, as they are richer in texture. If you use draik eggs, prepare for a more fiery flavour – also, what is wrong with you??
Iced Illusen Tea
This would go well with the biscotti, makes them less of a choking hazard. In more general terms, this makes for an excellent drink on a hot summer day. It is also very difficult to mess up, so novice chefs, feel confident here! Unless you cannot manage to boil water, in which case I have nothing to say to you except that I am sorry.
Number of servings: 8 glasses.
- Tea (obviously... about 3 tea bags)
- 1 cup of sugar
- Half of a lemon, thinly sliced (none of this thick-sliced barbaric nonsense, what are we, in Tyrannia?)
Boil some water using your handy Scorchio friend, or fire. Steep the tea bags* therein. Allow to cool for thirty minutes, or less if you happen to live on Terror Mountain. Nothing complicated yet, right? Told you. Next, add your lemon slices in, and stir in your sugar. Serve over ice. Done.
*What kind of tea, you ask? Entirely up to you. These days I am in an azzle tea kind of mood. But it depends what you're into. Fermented tea, faerie acara tea ('ware the hairballs), snowberry... the possibilities are endless. Just stay away from the Thornberry tea because it hurts. Ok?
Illusen Day Burger
I got really hungry writing down this recipe. Delicious, juicy, green burger... I highly recommend using a grill of some sort, unless your Scorchio is exceptionally good at controlling his firepower. You need that slow-cooked char goodness to make this burger shine.
Number of servings: 6 patties
- 1 egg (not draik), lightly beaten
- Handful of oats
- Handful of chopped garlic
- Handful of parsley
- Salt and pepper
- A pound of meat of some sort (I will leave this up to you)
- Miscellaneous green leaf-like objects for garnish
- Hamburger buns (unless you are on a no-carb diet, in which case... lettuce.)
In a large bowl, combine ALL THE THINGS. Shape them into six patties. These will then have to be grilled over medium heat for 6 minutes per side. Medium heat, so tell the Scorchio to calm down and think relaxing thoughts.
Serve on buns with toppings of your choice (cheese. Barbecue sauce. Ketchup. More garlic). Artfully place a few leaves in a wing-like pattern on the bun. You will become the immediate best friend of anyone who tries this burger.
Illusen Day Cupcake
Finally, we get to the fun stuff. Cupcakes – who does not love a cupcake? Anyone who doesn't love cupcakes must be a bitter, resentful, cynical smelly-face. (Hint: Jhudora.)
Number of servings: 26 cuppycakes of sheer beauty
- 3 cups of the finest Meridellian flour
- 1 tbsp baking powder
- A LOT of butter (2 sticks or so, I will leaf* this to your discretion)
- 2 cups sugar
- 4 eggs
- 1 cup milk
- For the icing:
- A LOT of cream cheese (because it is delicious)
- More butter (four tablespoons, or thereabouts)
- 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar
- 1 tablespoon milk
- Vanilla extract
Whisk together all of the non-icing ingredients with your mighty muscles. Fill some pretty cupcake tins with the mixture and bake until the cupcakes are a perfect golden-brown (about twenty minutes).
For the icing, beat all of the icing ingredients vigorously with your mighty muscles, and add a bit of green colouring for the sheer elegance of it. Beautiful! Now you can ice your cupcakes to make delicate Illusen-like forms.
*please take note of this excellent Illusen-related pun.
Illusen Day Jelly
This snack is healthy, interestingly-shaped, and will satisfy your sweet tooth with minimal preparation! Most of it just requires watching liquid solidify. Did I mention it's chocolaty and minty?
Number of Servings: 6 trapezoidal prisms, for the math-lovers
- 2 tbsp unflavored gelatin
- 1/2 cup cold water
- 3 tsp mint extract
- 1/2 cup cocoa powder
- 6 leaves
- Sugar, to taste
The first step is my favourite autumn pastime: leaf-picking. When you've found about half a dozen verdured candidates for holding up a good portion of jelly, the culinary part begins.
Combine the gelatin and cold water in a cup until mixture is softened. Heat the mixture over a fire (we're going for slow boiling, so a Scorchio is not advisable this time) and stir in the mint extract. Add sugar as you please*.
Separate the mixture into 6 cups and allow the mixture to cool for ~1 hour. Do be careful not to let pesky bugs get to it as you wait! (I recommend lighting citronella candles nearby.) Meanwhile, liquefy the cocoa powder with a 1:1 ratio of hot water. When the hour is up, carefully pour this mixture into your cups. The jelly will have solidified a little, but not completely, allowing the chocolate to blend partially with the green mint! And there you have the delightful earthy pattern pictured above. Do not add the cocoa too early, or the colours will mix too well and you will find yourself with jelly in the very appetizing shade of brown-green.
Allow cooling for an additional 3 hours and serve. The Giant Jelly has got nothing on this.
* This does not mean go ahead and add 2 mountains of sugar; you may be a bit jumpy for the rest of the week.
Illusen Leaf Burrito
Ah, beans in a leaf. What more could you ask for? This nourishing lunch is sure to get you back in touch with nature. Do be careful keeping it propped up when you eat it, though.
Number of servings: 2, or 1 big burrito if you're feeling beans
- 2 perfectly soft green leaves
- 1 can brown beans
- Hot sauce to taste
Step one: leaf-gathering. (See Illusen Day Jelly). However, this time do make sure the leaves you select are actually edible and decently tasty. Do not use ivy, or holly, etc.
Dollop generous helpings of brown beans onto your leaves, and add a dash of hot sauce as desired. My good acquaintance Eithne is especially fond of this part, but don't overdo it, two Honey Potions says you cannot tolerate four full teaspoons of Chili Chia Hot Sauce as well as she does.
Wrapping is honestly the only tricky bit of this recipe. If feeling unconfident, double up the leaf layer. Fold in the two opposing sides on your left and right first, then tuck the bottom up and start rolling toward the top. With the right amount of care, you should end up with two beautiful leaf burritos!
Eating's the fun bit. I sometimes gift poorly-wrapped ones to Jhudora, and watch them tip on her favourite dresses...
One of my favourites, be it for dessert, breakfast or a nighttime snack. If you wish to acquire waffle-molds, stop by my Glade.
- 2 eggs
- 2 cups flour
- 1 3/4 cups milk
- 1/2 cup oil
- 1 tbsp sugar
- 4 tsp baking powder
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
- Dark syrup
As alluded to above, you will need a waffle-shaped mold for this recipe. Alternatively, the Kacheek Baker does produce excellent plain waffles you can substitute instead. Pre-heat the waffle mold over a gentle fire. Beat the eggs until fluffy, and add in flour, vanilla, milk, oil, sugar, baking powder until the mixture is smooth.
Pour the mixture into the mold, and bake until golden-brown. Add syrup as you please, and top it off with a delicious forest acorn!
Illusen Day Sandwich
As the name suggests, this sandwich represents everything me: it's distinct, natural, and beautiful inside-and-out. The only thing it is that I am not is tasty. I am not eat-able.
- 2 slices whole wheat bread
- 3 leaves chard
- 1 tomato
- 2 leaves lettuce
- Dressing of choice
For the curious, the unique patterned bread originates from my good friend the Kacheek baker, but for those who cannot feasibly travel to Neopia Central regularly, regular whole wheat bread works just as well!
Slice the tomato into five, and wash your vegetables in a nearby spring. This is your typical sandwich: layer the lettuce, tomato and chard onto the bottom slice of bread! The best thing about all the leafiness is that it hides any dressing you may put within: so dress away, there is no guilt here. Top off with the final slice of bread, and if you like, ask the Scorchio to toast it slightly for you to get that crunch.
So, there you have them – eight previously top-secret recipes by Illusen. May they keep you fed well and satisfied long!
I would be remiss in my duties if I did not mention that, to make a Jhudora version of any of these items, simply add poison.
All the best in your culinary endeavours.