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Twelve Days of Villainy


by mystie06

--------

On the first day of giving

A villain gave to me

A plushie of a Meerca

To: Jhudora

From: Illusen

Jhudora,

How did you know I've always wanted a Gold Meerca Plushie! Thank you so much! I haven't bought you a gift yet for the Day of Giving, but I'll be sure to send you something lovely!

~Illusen

-----

To: Jhudora

From Illusen

Jhudora,

Not this again! I thought we agreed last year we weren't going to do this stupid "Twelve Days of Giving" thing again! Or is sending me a Magical Gold Meerca Plushie and turning me into a Meerca really your idea of a good Borovan Day gift?

~Illusen

-----

To: Illusen

From: Jhudora

Illusen,

I know we agreed not to do this again, but, well, I didn't have much of a choice. I shouldn't really be telling you this, but at this year's Annual Neopian Villains Convention the Meepits convinced us, through a combination of brainwashing and blackmail, to help them take over Neopia. The first phase of their plan involves sending dangerous items disguised as gifts to those Neopian heroes who pose the highest threat to the Meepits' plan for world conquest. Hopefully this letter will reach you intact.

Sincerely,

Jhudora

P.S.- It could be worse; I could have sent you a Magical Purple Koi Plushie.

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the second day of giving

A villain sent to me

Two anagrams

To: The Library Faerie

From: Eliv Thade

Madam,

As a fellow word puzzle enthusiast, I think you will enjoy the enclosed anagrams, which I concocted myself, and of which I am quite proud. Do please let me know when you have solved them; I would be interested to know how long it takes a faerie of your great intelligence to solve these puzzles.

Sincerely,

Eliv Thade

-----

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: Eliv Thade

Dear Sir,

As requested, I sent both the anagram that drove me insane and the last anagram from the Grimoire of Thade to the Library Faerie, and she is even now tearing her hair out (metaphorically, anyway) trying to solve them. Even if, by some miracle, they do not drive her insane, they should keep her too distracted for the next century or so to notice that any of her books are missing. As I have now complied with your wishes, would you kindly return to me the plushies you are holding as ransom?

Sincerely,

Eliv Thade

-----

To: Eliv Thade

From: The Meepit Overlord

Excellent work, Mr. Thade. You have indeed done as we have requested, so far. I think we will keep the plushies in question for a little while longer, however, until we are certain the Library Faerie will not be able to interfere.

-The Meepit Overlord

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the third day of giving

A villain sent to me

Three Sloth Clones

To: The Space Faerie

From: Commander Valka

Mira,

During the night our command center was entirely destroyed by an extremely well-armed Sloth Clone robot. All we were able to salvage was a surveillance image of the robot's rampage, and the old transmission device I'm using to send you this message. I would greatly value your advice and assistance in this new attack from our mutual enemy.

Sincerely

Commander Valka

-----

To: Commander Valka

From: The Space Faerie

Valka,

I'm not certain what Sloth is up to this time, but he also sent Sloth Clones to destroy my house and the orange Grundo base on Kreludor. Let me know when you find somewhere secure where we can meet to discuss this latest threat; I'm heading to the Space Station now to try to find out what Sloth plans to do next.

-Mira

-----

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: Meepbot M3-3P

Greetings,

I have deployed the improved Sloth Clones as you ordered. Do you have any more commands for me, Master?

-----

To: Meepbot M3-3P

From: The Meepit Overlord

Excellent work, Meepbot. Please keep us informed as to the goings on up there, and do what you can to interfere with any transmissions from the Space Station to Neopia. That will be all.

-The Meepit Overlord

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the fourth day of giving

A villain sent to me

Four shrinking rays

To: Balthazar

From: The Meepit Overlord

Sir,

As promised, we have sent you a set of portable shrink rays we commandeered from Dr. Sloth's laboratories. We believe they will work on any faerie, including the Faerie Queen. Please remember your promise to capture for us the Faerie Queen, the Battle Faerie, the Healing Springs faerie, and Jhudora, though of course you should capture whatever other faeries you can. Our Meepit tunnels into Faerieland have been enlarged, so you should be able to take them right into the Faerie Queen's gardens.

-The Meepit Overlord

-----

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: Balthazar

Woohoo! Thanks, my little friend! This will be the best Day of Giving ever! I'll send you those faeries as soon as I can.

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the fifth day of giving

A villain sent to me

Five loaded dice

To: King Roo

From: Anonymous

Dear King Roo,

Do you remember the mysterious cloaked Blumaroo who gave you a set of magic dice so many years ago, when you were bored and depressed? I'm glad to see you still enjoy those dice. Might I offer you another set of dice? These new and improved dice offer better prizes, and a slightly more challenging game, though I know you'll figure out the rules soon enough. Enjoy!

From,

A fellow dice-loving Blumaroo

-----

To: Count Von Roo

From: Advisor Broo

Dear Count,

That hypnotic loaded dice idea of yours was brilliant! I've sent the dice to King Roo, with a letter that should make him believe they're from the same Blumaroo that gave him the original Dice-A-Roo dice. Soon Roo Island will be mine! Mwahahaha!

Sincerely,

Advisor Broo

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the sixth day of giving

A wizard sent to me

Six balls of fire

To: Rasala the Bright

From: Belisarius

Dear Rasala,

Do you, er, remember how you, um, asked me to, ah, conjure a bunch of, hmm, fireballs, erm, in the midst of the, ah, Thieves Guild Hall on, uh, Terror Mountain? So they, er, couldn't fight us for the, you know, Obelisk? I, eh, somehow, er, got the coordinates wrong, and, um, sort of destroyed the Snow Faerie's igloo. And possibly the Snow Faerie. (Isn't she, um, you know, known for not leaving her igloo?) Erm, sorry about that.

Your fellow wizard,

Belisarius

-----

To: Belisarius

From: Rasala the Bright

You mumbling idiot! How in Neopia did you manage to get the coordinates that far off?! For the sake of the Order, I'm going to have to take a page out of the Sway's book and disavow any knowledge of you actions, should any of the faeries ask me about this. Next time, check your calculations more thoroughly. Great gurgling Esophagor, this is a mess.

Sincerely,

Rasala the Bright

P.S.- This note will disappear in a puff of smoke after you read it.

-----

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: Maggie the starry Meepit

My lord,

I changed that mumbling Tonu wizard's spell notes as requested, with the desired result. No word yet on the fate of the Snow Faerie, though that Bori mage is seriously ticked off at her underling's mistake.

Your humble servant,

Maggie

Meepit mage extraordinaire

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the seventh day of giving

A snow wyrm breathed on me

Seven blasts of freezing

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: The Snowager

Dear Sir,

Thank you for directing my attention to that Negg-shaped building in the Ice Caves. Just as you said, I found the place brimming with rare and exotic Neggs of all sorts. Unfortunately, when I bit the roof off to take a look inside, there was some sort of meeting going on, and, well, I'm afraid my instincts took over, and I blasted everyone inside with my icy breath. The Negg Faerie, her assistant, those two Chias that run the garage sale, Tarla, that old leader of the Bori colony that lives in the deeper part of the Ice Caves, and the Snow Faerie are all now frozen in blocks of ice. I'm sure they'll melt eventually... or not. This is the Ice Caves, after all. Oh well, at least I'll have plenty of time to get all these lovely Neggs back to my lair.

With much thanks,

The Snowager

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the eighth day of giving

A Chia sent to me

Eight bags of bathrobes

To: Mr. Chia, owner of Neopian Laundry Service, Inc.

From: Judge Hog

Dear Mr. Chia,

Recently, myself and my fellow Defenders of Neopia sent you eight bags containing our official Defenders of Neopia uniforms, which needed to be washed and pressed after an incident at our annual Day of Giving party. The bags were returned this morning, but not our uniforms; the bags contain fluffy pink bathrobes which, given the monograms, appear to belong to Queen Fyora and her faeries-in-waiting. This is extremely inconvenient, as our secret identities will be blown if we are seen without our uniforms. I'm sending you back the bags of bathrobes; please return our uniforms as soon as possible.

Your angry customer,

Judge Hog

-----

To: Judge Hog

From: Mr. Chia

Dear Sir,

I am very sorry about the mix-up, and I will try to find out what happened to your uniforms and return them as soon as possible.

Best wishes,

Mr. Chia

Owner of Neopian Laundry Service, Inc.

-----

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: Mr. Chia

Sir,

I swapped the Defenders' uniforms with the bathrobes just like you asked me to, and, when Judge Hog wrote in to complain, I told him I'd get the uniforms back soon. Is that all right?

Your servant,

Mr. Chia

-----

To: Mr. Chia

From: The Meepit Overlord

Mr. Chia,

Yes, that's fine. Included with this letter is a Green Ogrin Morphing Potion; we suggest you drink it, then move to Shenkuu and call yourself Mr. O. Gren.

-The Meepit Overlord

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the ninth day of giving

The Meepits sent to me

Nine angry natives

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: Chief Coconut JubJub

Meepit-lord,

My warriors attacked, captured Island Faerie, Techo Master, and Nimmo training under Techo Master. You not going to eat us now?

-----

To: Chief Coconut JubJub

From: The Meepit Overlord

Sir,

Good job. I will make sure none of the island Meepits threaten to eat you anymore.

-The Meepit Overlord

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the tenth day of giving

The Meepits sent to me

Ten stealthy ninjas

To: Feepitbane, Commander of the Elite Ninja Meepit Army

From: The Meepit Overlord

Dear Feepitbane,

I want you to send ten of your best and stealthiest warriors to each of the following Neopian lands: Tyrannia, Brightvale, Maraqua, The Lost Desert, Moltara, the Haunted Woods, Neopia Central, Kiko Lake, the Darigan Citadel, and Krawk Island. Their mission will be to cause wanton destruction and make it look like the Shenkuuvians are responsible. If you can pull this off, it should throw Neopia into a giant war, which should soften up Neopia for Meepit conquest. I leave the details in your capable paws, but it must be done as soon as possible.

-The Meepit Overlord

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the eleventh day of giving

The Meepits sent to me

Eleven sleeping potions

To: The Meepit Overlord

From: The Angry Orange Yurble Janitor

Sir,

As you requested, I slipped the vials of sleeping potions you sent into the servings of Pomegranate Jelly that were served to King Altador and the other ten Heroes of Altador last night, and they are still sound asleep; even the First to Rise shows no signs of waking up. Now, about that Swabby you promised me...

Yours,

The Angry Orange Yurble Janitor

~*~*~*~*~*~

On the twelfth day of giving

An agent sent to me

Twelve urgent missives

To: The Duchess

From: Lady Lyrenie de Mystelle

Your Ladyship,

The human who thinks she is my owner recently acquired, through her usual obscure methods, the enclosed letters, which describe the Meepits' recently successful plans for Neopian domination. Do you wish me to put a stop to them? I happen to know a time-traveling adventurer who is willing to lend me a time machine, so that I can go back in time and prevent the Meepits from taking over Neopia, if you so wish.

Best holiday greetings,

Your faithful agent,

Lady Lyrenie de Mystelle

-----

To: Lady Lyrenie de Mystelle

From: The Duchess

Dear Lyrenie,

My thanks for sending me these letters. You are correct in supposing that my plans for Neopia do not include allowing the Meepits to take over, and I am not pleased that none of my agents discovered this plan until now. Your offer of a solution to the current Meepit problem is, then, quite welcome, and I give you carte blanche to deal with it as you see fit. Keep in mind, I will not be pleased if you fail.

As regards the letters, I do not see any reason why your so-called owner should not submit them for publication in the Neopian Times. (I assume you kept copies of them.)

With hopes of a much brighter new year,

The Duchess

The End

Author's Note: The character Lady Lyrenie de Mystelle is based on my Shoyru, Lyrenie, who often resides on one of my side accounts.

 
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