Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 164,193,660 Issue: 179 | 25th day of Awakening, Y7
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Hold-up At The Robo-Jello-Snow Convention!: Part One

by tambourine_chimp


So a new year had come around, marking the time for the first ever official Neopian Robo-Jello-Snow Convention, a time that both Selma that jelly Usul and TN09 the robot Grundo had waited eagerly for ever since they were both zapped into their new colors by the Lab Ray.

     The Convention promised to be a grand occasion, with every pet painted or changed into those three rare colors packing into the same spacious hall that had only just recovered from it's hosting of the Usukicon Convention (some banners still hanging limply from the rafters where the caretakers couldn't be bothered to get them). There would be free jelly food samples, robot petpets to play with and buy, as well as ultra-rare snowballs to stock-up on for cheap prices.

     The entry fee was high, but it was sure to be worth it.

     But Selma and TN09 only had one little problem…and little was the right word for their predicament. Their kid brother, a baby Jubjub by the name of Mervin, was as wily and as rascally a character as they come, and knew how to flaunt his position by acting the victim. Many a time he would dupe their owner into believing that Selma and TN09 picked-on him something awful when the truth was quite the reverse. He'd scream and shout to get his own way with them, and whenever they refused, off he'd go to spin a sob-story to their kind-hearted - if not gullible - owner.

     Sadly, as luck would have it, today, on the great day of days that was the start of the three-day weekend of the convention, Mervin took it into his furry little head that it just wasn't fair that his big brother and sister should go and have fun while he stayed cooped indoors all the time, and he didn't take long to voice his opinions, either.

     "Wanna go to convenshun!" he muttered darkly every time he passed either of his two unfortunate siblings as they prepared for their big day.

     "No way, Merv," Selma told him authoritatively as she rubbed herself over with a damp cloth to decrease her stickiness. "You wouldn't be allowed in."

     "Wanna go to convenshun!"

     "Negative, Brother…Babies Aren't A Part Of The Convention," TN09 answered hollowly as he oiled all his joints and buffed his chest plate until the grouchy Jubjub could see his infantile features on them. "See? Now, If It Were The Robo-Jello-Snow-Baby Convention, Then I Might Consider Taking You Along."

     "Wanna go to convenshun!"

     "Uh-uh, no way…"

     "Wanna go to convenshun!"

     "That's Another Negative…"


     This, needless to say, awoke their owner, who had hoped for a nice lie-in on this eventful day. There was a loud, indignant moan as she got out of bed and stomped down the stairs. Had either Selma or TN09 had any saliva, they would've gulped with dread, as a wakened owner was worse than the Snowager.

     "What's all the hoo-hah about?" the young teenage girl snapped, blinking away the sleep as she shielded her eyes from the glare of sunlight reflected from her robot Grundo's chest plate. "Geez, TN, don't you think you went a bit OTT on the SAP?"

     There was a moment's silence as the Grundo's mind whirred (literally, the machinery that now compromised as his brain were a load of gears and cogs), his head to one side. "Error, Could Not Compute Query: Too Many Abbreviations."

     Sighing with frustration, the girl walked deliberately up to her pet and repeated her question fully and slowly. "Don't you think you went a bit Over The Top on the Spit And Polish?"

     "Negative, I Think I Look Quite 'Cool' Now," TN replied in what Selma guessed was a mock slow reply.

     "Oh, sure," she giggled sarcastically, "you're a real 'cool' magnet now…"

     "Don't encourage him, Selma," the girl muttered grouchily as she knelt down to pick up a weeping Mervin. "Aw, don't cry buddy…tell me what's wrong?"

     "Nasty-wasty jello-brains and cog-head won't take me to the convenshun, said I didn't belong!" the little furry troublemaker bawled, casting a sideward mischievous glance at his brother and sister.

     "They said what?" the girl exclaimed, outraged at the very thought. "You told your little brother that he didn't belong?!"

     "Negative," TN09 answered quickly, "We Merely Informed Him That Babies Weren't Going To Be Allowed At The Robo-Jello-Snow Convention."

     "Well, that's just stupid!" the girl muttered, giving Mervin a tight hug that both the Grundo and Usul knew he hated, but just put up with for appearances sake. "Baby is just as rare a color as robot, jelly or snow! I had to save up six hundred thousand Neopoints for the Paint Brush…and I didn't spend that much just to have little Mervin here be left out of special events!"

     "B-but…" both Selma and TN muttered in unison. Their special day was slipping away from them faster then they could handle.

     "No buts! One of you will have to smuggle him into the convention," the girl told them adamantly. She turned to look at Selma, a 'and no arguments' frown etched on her face.

     "Me?" Selma asked in dismay, "But I can't! I'm mostly transparent, and Merv would just get sticky hiding in me! Make TN do it!"

     "Affirmative," the robot Grundo answered reluctantly, "I Am Hollow Inside, So I Could 'Swallow' Mervin Until We Got Into The Convention…"

     "Then it's settled," their owner said with a sigh of relief, petting Mervin and setting him back down on the floor. "Now everyone finish getting ready and you can go."


     It was dark, smooth, hard and dark. All noise echoed consistently both from the outside world and from within as Mervin sat expectantly in the pit of TN09's stomach. By his young-minded estimate, they would be at the convention any minute!

     Minutes dragged on and became fifteen minutes, fifteen stumbling into thirty minutes, by which time all expectancy had been extinguished temporarily as it was replace by impatience. Jumping up and down in the darkness, Mervin screamed at the top of his little lungs.

     "Hey, rusty-butt! When we gonna get to the convenshun? I want all the freebies, an' I want dem now!"

     "Hush, Little Pain," growled TN09 softly so that only Mervin could hear him, "We Are At The Convention Already, We've Been Here For Ten Minutes Now…"

     "Goody, I'm really happy," the baby Jubjub replied sarcastically, "so let me out now, silicone-snot!"

     "Negative," TN snapped, "You Can't Come Out Until I Get Us In…We're Still In The Queue."


     Meanwhile, on the outside, the time had finally come for Selma and TN to pay their fee and enter. All that stopped them was a robot Skeith bouncer with the look of one who was suspicious of everyone.

     "The fee's twenty thousand a head," he growled, looking the Usul and the Grundo over as they retrieved the money from the pouches their owner had given them. It was at times like this that TN was glad he couldn't sweat, because he sure felt nervous as he handed over the money.

     The bouncer grunted, and stepped aside to let them pass, and as they swept into the hall, their eyes (and visual sensors in TN's case) boggled at the wonders before them.

     Everyone who was anyone in the robot, jelly or snow world of business was here, including a few jelly Chias (thereby hiding the identity of the original), robots of all shapes, sizes and species and all snowy petpets under the sun.

     During his moments of motionless wonder, Mervin had somehow managed to scale the inside of TN09, and was now crawling out of the Grundo's gaping mouth…

     "Wow," he murmured in wonder as he too took-in all the awesome sights. But his view was soon cut-off as TN snatched him out of his mouth and held him in cupped hands. "Hey! What you do dat for?"

     "I Thought We Agreed You Wouldn't Come Out Until I Was Sure You Wouldn't Be Noticed," TN growled, head bent low.

     "Yeah, well so did I until you stopped moving. I thought all de sights might 'ave overloaded your clunk-of-junk for a brain and decided to abandon robot…now let me down!"

     Looking around cautiously, TN09 coughed when no one was really looking and bent down like he was going to tie a shoe lace, dropping the baby Jubjub lightly on the floor. "Now Stay Close," the robot warned in a harsh whisper, "And Don't Be Too Loud…"

     Both of these orders were broken more-or-less at the same time as Mervin shot of, yelling at the top of his lungs with joy. "Yippee!"

     Exasperated, TN09 turned to his sister for help, but Selma just shrugged. "He's too fast for most of them to catch, he should be fine…come on, let's take a look around."

     And so their tour of their own little wonderland began, with free samples and cheap items a-plenty…

     Of course, it wouldn't last, would it? Of course it would, don't be silly…what would be the point in writing a story about a perfect event, huh? Huh?

     Yeah, silly you for even asking.

To Be Continued…

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