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Ten Cakes That Really Should Have Been A Hat


by 0123kl

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It's a fantastic time of year for celebrating things. Finally got your dream pet? Celebrate! Made it through the whole summer without getting a sunburn? Celebrate! Time for the annual Faerie Festival? Celebrate! And what better way is there to celebrate than with lots of cake? But have you ever really looked at the myriad of cakes available in Neopia? Some of them are just downright strange.

And so, without further ado, I present to you ten cakes that really should have been a hat:

Feather Hat Cake

First off is the rather obvious Feather Hat Cake. I guess some baker thought it would be a bit of a laugh if you could have your hat and eat it too, but really, hats look much nicer when they are on top of a neopet's head, and cakes look much tastier when they don't resemble inedible articles of clothing. And who really wants to pick feathers out of the icing? The Feather Hat would be classier all around.

Moon Sponge Cake

It's covered in gray frosting. It's perfectly round and dotted with small craters in an uncanny imitation of moonrock, and did I mention it's covered in solid gray frosting? Just looking at this cake makes my teeth hurt! However, it would be adorable reimagined as the Kreludor Pillbox Hat. What neopet wouldn't look more awesome with a tiny moon perched upon its head?

Coral Sponge Cake

Frankly, this looks more like a Coral Sponge Frosting. If there's any cake in there, it must be crumbled up and stirred in, as this cake has no recognizable shape at all. As a hat, however, this would be the coziest, fuzziest Knit Winter Hat a neopet could wear.

Lemon Kougra Cake

The Lemon Kougra Cake at least looks edible, if rather simple. When transformed into a hat, it would become the Yellow Kougra Fez. Bright yellow with black stripes, and with red and white tassels streaming from the top, this hat would make a striking addition to any neopet's wardrobe.

Fyora Spider Cake

Spiders... and butterflies, and lavender clouds... with orange stripes, and a crown on top? I don't- What- Why...? Oh, Fyora, why does this cake even exist? If it has to be something, I would rather it was a hat than anything I might have to contemplate eating. Yep, this monstrosity could definitely pass as a hat. Fyora's Spider Hat. High fashion, we'll call it.

Lutari Feather Cake

With all the feathers coming out of the back, the Lutari Feather Cake looks rather like a Cubist impression of a Gobbler. But those feathers would look glorious as the train of a Lutari Tribal Headdress. With bold bright colors, geometric shapes, and lots of feathers, there couldn't be a better hat to wear while celebrating.

Hutcakes

Mmm, thatching. This is just an odd concept for a cake. For what occasion would you want a cake that looked like a thatch-roofed hut? But, do you know what else looks like thatching? Pom-poms! The stylized Hut Hat will be a simple brown knit hat which comes down over the ears to keep them warm, and has a giant yellow pom-pom on top. Sleek, chic, and ultra comfortable, every neopet will be wearing one this winter.

Cyodrakes Glazed Cake

Fifty percent of this cake appears to be paper wings with spikes running through them. Now I don't know about you, but when I buy a cake, I like it to be mostly made of cake. As it is already so artsy, this cake will translate well into a decorative hat. Tiny top hats are all the rage these days, so why not a tiny airship, or a slightly larger top hat decorated with a tiny airship? Conforming to the highest standards of fashion, the Cyodrakes Gaze Fascinator will be that special kind of adorable that is reserved for all things miniature.

Disco JubJub Cupcake

This garish cupcake is somewhat out of proportion at about one third cake and two thirds frosting. Conveniently, however, it is already pretty much shaped like a beanie. We simply move the JubJub, either down to the brim as an embellishment or up to the top as a pom-pom, and get some of those green paisleys mixed in with the flowers, and ta-da! Disco JubJub Beanie.

Pine Cone Cake

Last up is the Pine Cone Cake, and I can just imagine the scene as it was invented. Thunder crashes all around, and in the brief lightning flashes, the baker locates a cake and some icing but cannot identify the colors in the dark. Due to the heavy winds coming in the broken window, the baker first uses some icing to glue a cake to the plate, then slaps some more icing on top, adds the second layer of cake and repeats the process. The baker doesn't bother to frost the sides of the cake, figuring that way the flavor can be identified when the lights come back on. A huge gust of wind buffets the side of the abandoned bakery and something small and a bit pointy flies in the window, bounces off the baker's head and lands on the cake. The baker just leaves it there, since who knows where the real decorations have got to in this storm anyway?

Ok, so that's probably not how it went down, but seriously, why else would someone make a cake that looks like this? Granted, it won't look much better as a hat, but at least nobody will have to eat it. (Unless they've lost a bet, that is.) The Pine Cone Hat will have to be extravagant to pull off the look. It will be a wide-brimmed hat in a delicate shade of yellow, copiously sprinkled with black sequins, and decorated with a few pine cones, and perhaps a couple of small twigs as well, for variety. It will only be worn by the bravest of neopets; those with utter confidence in their sense of style, and complete indifference to the ridicule of others.

And there you have it, ten cakes that would be more at home in a milliner's shop than a bakery. I hope you have enjoyed this brief journey through the confectionery WUT department, and are perhaps inspired to take a closer look at some of the other interesting foods available in Neopia.

 
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