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The (Un)Official Guide on How to be a Sidekick


by ross123115

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Meridell - The hero hotspot. Most heroes and villains set up residence there. They protect or attack anything that gets in their way. What we usually don’t realize is their faithful sidekick. I’ve been wondering for a long time “how does one become a sidekick? Is there some sidekick pick and mix box?” Naturally, I answered my questions. It turns out there is no sidekick pick and mix box, and to become a sidekick, you must endure an elite testing process to see if you qualify. I have written the process out for both sidekicks (good) and toadies (bad). Read on to see if you qualify.

Cool name for Sidekicks

First of all, you need a cool name. It can’t be something ridiculous like “Danner” for instance. That’s too cliché, and it leaves hints that the sidekicks real name is Daniel, or Danny. Try something like “The One Two Three to the One One Five” “Contradict-o-boy” or “Meh”. Try to avoid having the suffix “Darigan” on your name, since it may lead to suspicion that you are evil.

Cool name for Toadies

These ones are sort of hard to come up with. “Little Timmy” wouldn’t exactly work. You have to choose either a bizarre, crazy name, such as “Doctor Delirium” or you have to use your last name, like “Slorgerton” Most of those are pretty bad, so I would strongly suggest using a weird, made-up language.

Signature weapon for Sidekicks

A shiny sword or an all-powerful club isn’t the best thing, since that’s normally what the heroes use. You definitely need an out-of-the-ordinary weapon A Crossbow, Everlasting something (Get everlasting projectiles e.g. Baggus Bombs, not Everlasting Apples) or a charm of some kind.

Signature weapons for Toadies

An evil charm works here. If you are planning for a weapon, make sure that it is nothing too gallant, like a protagonist would use. Something sharp could work, just be careful with it. The best thing would be a strangely-named weapon like “Nox’s Titanium Herb of Sheer, Imminent DOOM!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!” would be good, but it something uncontrollable like an Evil Clockwork Grundo might end up being better in the long run.

Costume for Sidekicks

Two things work really well. Either something vermilion, or something so shiny, it will blind your opponents. You generally want it to have boots and gloves, since it adds to the mysteriousness. It should have a super-cool symbol representing you, like a smiley face, on the front and the cape, if you have one. A mask would do well, too, since it will disguise your secret identity. Your costume should be made out of something incredibly soft, because you will have to do a LOT of moving. Also, be mindful of your location. If you are going to be like Armin on Terror Mountain, a T-shirt and summer pants wouldn’t be the best thing.

Costume for Toadies

You need something Jet Black, Gunmetal, Navy, or a tattered tuxedo. These usually work because it adds to your mysterious aura. Again, be focused on the location, like in the above paragraph. The Haunted Woods may be the evil hotspot, but if you dress for Mystery Island you’ll be one unhappy camper.

Hidden Power Source for Sidekicks

This is the fun part. You can combine this with your weapon by getting it blessed by Fyora, Taelia, The Rainbow Fountain Faerie, whoever you think is worthy. A regular crossbow can instantaneously become a “Regular Crossbow of the Tooth Faerie” or “Super U-bend Shovel-plus of the (fictitious) Dung Faerie”. Wouldn’t it be the greatest? It doesn’t have to be blessed, though. The alternative way is to steal it from a friend or a retired lost desert battler. Imagine, being the only one in Neopia to own an “Engraved Short Sword of SuPeR_DuDe_KoOlIo_gUy128953216!”

Hidden Power Source for Toadies

Try to steal it from an evil overlord, so you have

1. A cool weapon

2. A spiffy power source

3. Something to brag about.

Steal it from a famous villain, such as Galem, Masila, Kanrik, Valin, or the Bringer of Night. If you don’t like their weapons, you could always “borrow” a priceless artifact from Darigan. Just make sure whatever you steal, it’s the right thing. Don’t take a “Prom Date Usuki Doll” when you could have a “Nox’s Titanium Herb of Sheer, Imminent DOOM!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!” If you don’t like the fact of stealing from a colleague, try to have a regular weapon blessed by a dark faerie.

Catchy Phrase for Sidekicks

There is really no secret to this, because you either need a good imagination or a friend who has a spare one. Or you can try to take a quote from a “Neoquest II” character and twisting it so it works for you. Here are some examples:

• Justice prevails again! Becomes I prevail again!

• The next time something bites me, I’m going to set it on fire Becomes The next time I bite something, I’m going to have it cooked well done first!

• Our enemies fall before us! Becomes my enemies fall before us…er, me.

Catchy Phrase for Toadies

There is also no secret to this. You just need to cackle way too much during the chosen phrase. By the way, evil catch phrases are more fun to manipulate than the good side phrases. Some good examples are:

• Wait! I have a special mission for you Becomes Wait! Wait a minute…don’t wait! I don’t have a special mission for you!

• And if you believe that, you’re as stupid as that fat king. Becomes And if you believe that, you’re almost as stupid as my arch nemesis, Contradict-o-boy.

• RRAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!! Becomes RRAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!

Finding your perfect Hero to work beside

The sure-fire way is to get caught in the middle of a war, and scream for help. However, if there is no war going on, there is an alternative way.

Write up an ad for the Neopian Times, change it to a coded language, and inconspicuously hide it in an innocent-looking comic. The ad should say something like this “Hero with no sidekick wanted! Meet so-and-so on the corner of such-and-such lane and something-or-rather road. Don’t let it lead to your Neohome, since a villain may find where you live, and hold you hostage.

Pick the right hero, too. It is actually more important than you think it is. If you are a high-tech sidekick, having a hero who is a knight doesn’t work out too well. Try to pick a hero that:

• He/she/it has a matching costume

• He/she/it knows some bogus ways to get around Neopia via underground tunnels

• He/she/it doesn’t have an annoying catch phrase.

 

If you followed all of the above steps, you should be all set to save Neopia.

Finding your perfect Villain to work beside

This may be a tad more difficult than if you were a sidekick, since screaming in the middle of a battle won’t help you find your evil master. You have to “accidentally” stumble upon the manor of the villain you wish to join forces with. Make sure he doesn’t already have an advocate better than you, or else you could find yourself being hung by your toes in the villain’s dungeon.

You need to be right for your “master”, too. Don’t interrupt him when he’s talking, and don’t give him good ideas unless he needs them. You’ll either get yelled at, or, if you’re dispensable, locked in the smelliest cell in his dungeon. Ways to determine if you’ve found the best overlord are:

• The villain is already attempting to take over Neopia

• Your master is grotesque or evil looking

• He/she/it owns a giant castle, preferably floating.

• He/she/it DOESN’T have a psycho Mynci warden who challenges prisoners to a friendly board game.

So that’s pretty much it. If you do everything above, you’ll be the best sidekick or Toady on the block. Who knows? Maybe your hero or villain will retire, and you’ll get to take their place. Don’t be surprised if someone suddenly points to the sky and exclaims “Is it a Pteri? Is it dung? It’s Meh!”

 
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