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A Modest and Trouser Related Proposal

by jocelyn_joy


Being a magma Kiko is not easy. Because of my newly-molten condition, I haven't been below water for months. I've even asked my owner to paint me Maraquan, but she just doesn't have the NP yet (we're working on it, or so she says). As you might guess, I'm a bit down about the whole situation. I've been spending quite a bit of time alone, and in deep thought as of late, and I've made a few sudden realizations. My thera... my good friend, Theramy (heh), has suggested that I put these into writing.

Let's talk trousers, shall we? You may have noticed the new sensation that's sweeping the Neo-Nations: pants. You heard me properly; pants. Since the onset of wearables, pants have exploded and the new must-have for the fashionable neopet. From paint-brush accessorizing outfits to everyday basics in neutral colours, we just can't seem to get enough of 'em! They're not just fashionable, they're practical too; they allow full mobility, and, unlike dresses and skirts, you can't really trip over them (okay, some very, very clumsy Neopians might be able to trip over them, but still). These are all great reasons to wear pants, but are they the only ones? I don't think so. During one of my most recent long walks, I had a bit of an epiphany. You know Dr. *shudder* Sloth? Do your best, and bear with me here, I do have a point, to conjure up an image of him in your head. Notice something? ..... He's wearing long robes, and no pants! I also have it on good authority that he doesn't allow any Grundo under his control to wear pants either. So, naturally, we Neopians wear pants to differentiate ourselves from the evil Dr. Sloth, and also to celebrate our freedom.

Where is this going, you ask? Let me take a few steps backward. My new color means that I really can't wear clothes at all, and my general lack of legs makes pants impossible. You may have noticed my fiery wings- the only wearable that I wear. You've guessed it, I'm a hardcore faerie supporter with an honest Neopian's case of pant-envy. As per the advice of, erm, Theramy, I've decided to combine this allegiance and this envy in the interest of doing something productive with it- I've come up with a solution to our own Queen Fyora's lack of pants. I mean, sure, she wears that admittedly beautiful gown, but in doing so she puts herself at increased risk of falling, being tripped (how easy would it be for any attacker to just tug on her skirts and bring her down? how!?), and accidentally aligning herself with evil. I am also aware that as our Queen, she is under no obligation to listen to a lowly Kiko in a bit of a funk. So, I've come up with five suggested outfits, each of which is built around a pair of trousers, and each of which tries to combine a casual style with extreme practicality. Ahem: Queen Fyora, should you ever choose to don trousers, or ever require a less recognizable suit for the purpose of traipsing about Neopia unrecognized, I implore you to keep the following five options in mind.

1.) Garden Party Glam

This outfit pairs Khaki Trousers (700 NP) with a loose, billowy Bright Striped Spring Shirt (900 NP) for a casual, relaxed look. Dress it up with some basic accessories, such as Garden Tea Hat (150 NC), and, in a fitting yet contrasting green, Operatic Star Shoes (found in the operatic star sunpack at the NC mall for 500 NC, though surely there are merchants in Neopia willing to sell in unconventional ways to Queen Fyora. Surely).

2.) Sizzling Steampunk. This outfit is based on the funky maroon and red stripes of Mad Tea Party Trousers (150 NC). I suggest putting the very simple Plain and Simple White Shirt (150 NC), tucked in, with these loud pants- this suit is really all about the pants.... and the accessories; once you picture the trousers and shirt along with the Elegant Gold Necklace (100 NC) and Elegant Gear Boots (5000+ NP), you'll agree. Complete the effect by wearing a Brass Gear Belt (700 NP).

3.) The Pretty Pirate

As a base layer, this outfit pairs the high-waisted Nautical Trousers (150 NC) with the simple, Simple Pirate Shirt (I'm told this one was a wonderclaw prize? I do suspect that should Queen Fyora require one, Neopian citizens and merchants alike will line the streets to supply her with one). I recommend AAA Host Shoes (55K+ NP) to complete the rough and tumble pirate look. Should our Queen need to go further undercover, she can pair this outfit with either Spider Web Mask (150 NC), for a dark and slightly sinister look, or Fancy Ball Mask (3K NP) for a softer, more elegant look.

4.) The Lazy Lounger

Even our Queen deserves a day off. What better way to sit back and relax (or hang out at the coffee cave or igloo garage sale undetected) than in this, the most chill of outfits. First, the soft, comfy, sit by the fire and sing carols kind of trousers: Fuzzy Boots with Leggings (175 NC). Really, these pants can be paired with any top, depending on the temperature. Hanging out indoors, perhaps by a fire? Pair with a T-shirt, such as the Destruct-O-Match Shirt (86K+ NP), or for an ever more relaxed feel, Hannah's Red Undershirt (20K+ NP). Feeling a bit hipster? Try something that seems a bit ironic, given that you're wearing what are basically sweat pants and slippers; try the Ruffled Blue Shirt (also a wonderclaw prize. My last statement stands). Heading outdoors for a brisk walk? Pair with a Seasonal Turtleneck Jumper (2K+ NP). Finally, if you're heading into the briskest of brisk, the coldest of cold, Terror Mountain, you really need to get a Hannah and the Ice Caves Collector's Coat (250 NC). Feeling the need to accessorize? Such a laid back outfit like this one, despite its versatility, really only needs one kind of accessory: a nice cup of Snowflake Winter Coffee (one on the trading post, unpriced).

5.) Life's a Ball!

For this last outfit, I stepped outside of my own parameters, just slightly. Though I did promise to keep it casual, I also highlighted the dangers of generally not wearing pants. This outfit is a fancy-dress alternative to Queen Fyora's characteristic gown, and one that she might adopt for those events at which she may find herself feeling threatened (you never know, right?) In any case, this outfit also begins with the only species-specific wearable in the list, Royal Girl Nimmo Trousers. Look at that elegant, slim fit! They're just... elegant! Of course, these trousers are also a paintbrush item. And, while I do think that wealthy Neopians (especially ROYAL Neopians, those of which are most likely to understand the plight of fellow Royalty) would be more than willing to lend a hand should Queen Fyora require a pair of these excellent trousers, I do recognize that she probably won't see these exact ones, save if her royal seamstress decides to whip up a pair. In any case, as I mentioned above, this is mainly a personal exercise, so bear with me as I describe this improbable, but nonetheless beautiful outfit.

What does a queen pair with such dashing, slim fitting trousers? Why, a Black Ruffled Dress (another prize- this time from the Blumaroll NC mall game), which is short enough to reveal said trousers while still remaining elegant and dress-like, of course! For those who missed this game, the Grey Silk Dress (150 NC) will do in a pinch. Highlight this simple suit with Feather Shoes, and Elegant Black Feather Hat (150 NC). Need a bit more glitz? Try adding Delicate White Lace Wings (150 NC), or Elegant Feather Gloves (150 NC).

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