A Zombie's Guide to Chocolate
A Zombie's Guide to Chocolate
Now if you were smart enough to write down the date, you would realise the Chocolate Ball is upon us. But what if those cute little Neopet-styled chocolates and that sweet chocolate taste just aren't quite for you? Do you feel the Chocolate Ball just hasn't catered for you or your undead neighbours? Well, you are reading the right article!
I am Uju Uju. A fellow zombie. Over the hundred odd years of my existence, I have noticed many zombies and ghost Neopians believe chocolate doesn't really appeal to them. It's too sweet. The chocolate shapes are too cute. The colours too cheerful. But truth is, they probably haven't found the right type of chocolates. So I've made up my mind to put together some suggestions of the more exotic chocolate varieties that would make any undead's mouth drool... well, more than usual anyway. So read on, for my Zombie's Guide to Chocolate.
Made with dark chocolate. This was given out by the Advent Calendar in Y11.
Many zombies or ghosts actually do like the taste of chocolate, but the mere shape can cause a sense of terror. They simply can't stand the cute little chocolate neopet staring back at them. They're just too life like, making them feel, well... undead. It is a simple fix, however. Why not try a tombstone chocolate?
It is also a great gift for any zombie or ghost, because it will make them feel you've selected a chocolate specifically for them, rather than grabbing the everyday chocolate off the shelf.
Chocolate Techo Foot
Dont panic, this isnt a real Techos foot, its made from solid milk chocolate!
If you would rather not remind your undead companion about being undead with a Tombstone Chocolate, maybe choosing a chocolate that gives off a creepy vibe would work. Such as a Chocolate Techo Foot! Sadly it isn't really made from Techo.
Mint Chocolate Spike Ball Candy
Be careful when eating this crunchy candy; it might bite back!
Another shape alternative is these 'spike ball' chocolates. They may be difficult for most Neopians, but thanks to the fact that undead can not feel pain, the spikes don't actually hurt undead Neopians. They just add to the charm.
Undead Neopians can also rest assured no other Neopian will enjoy stealing these little chocolates. They also work well for those trick or treaters who get a little on the annoying side.
Dealing with a Lack of Jaw/Teeth/Mouth etc
Dark Chocolate Pellets
These easy to eat pellets come in a resealable bag to keep them extra fresh!
Some zombies may find that in their several thousand year life as undead, their beaks, fangs and jaws have started to decay or worse, have partially fallen off and gotten lost. It may have become so difficult to eat chocolate that they have given up on eating it all together. How horrible!
However, there is hope! The clever Kiko at the Chocolate Factory has made chocolate pellets! These are easy to eat and even come in a resealable bag. How convenient! They are also a great treat to share among friends.
Eat it quick before it cools.
So the pellets still caused some trouble, because they got between your rotting teeth? Well, get rid of the eating problem all together by turning your chocolate into soup! No more troublesome biting, just make sure you eat it all before it cools off and your spoon gets stuck in it. Though you could always place it over your cauldron to reheat it if this does become a problem.
Haunted Woods Chocolate Milk Glass
What better way to drink chocolate milk than out of a pulsing brain?
Of course, why turn it into soup when you could just drink it? The description here sums it all up quite nicely. Nothing beats a Haunted Woods Chocolate Milk Glass standing by your grave on a cool night under the full moon.
Mix your flavours
Chocolate Slime Burger
It looks disgusting but is actually very tasty.
Another alternative is finding chocolate that is combined with flavors you favor. For example, I love slime, and this lovely slime and chocolate burger is one of my favorite treats to have during the Chocolate Ball. Good old chocolate on the outside, gooey slime on the inside. Mmm-mm.
Just be careful when eating slime with chocolate. The slime can be rather messy and some Neopians may not approve of flying slime when you bite into this delicious burger.
Asparagus Chocolate Cupcake
An amazing combination of two great flavours.
Nope, you still don't think chocolate is for you. Maybe this is because of the awesome flavour of Asparagus, chocolate just can't compare! Well, then why fight the flavours? Just combine them. This delicious muffin is one of the hardest treats to pass up. Not to mention it's a gourmet food!
You could also try White Chocolate Asparagus Souffle.
It all gets Better with Age
Mouldy Chocolate Heart
Uh, someone left this chocolate out a bit too long.
Zombies often have a hunger for food as old as them. Don't most foods get better with age? Cheese does, so why not chocolate?
If you are one of those with an acquired taste for older foods, this moldy chocolate heart is just for you. With that perfect blend of mould and rich, aged chocolate, this is a great little zombie treat.
Chocolate Coated Blue Cheese
Dont knock it till you try it, this is actually surprisingly good!
As an alternative, you can try the Chocolate Coated Blue Cheese! It's aged cheese mixed with rich chocolate to give you that mix of new and old. This is also a gourmet food! So you can even get points for the Gourmet Food Club. That being said, this isn't the cheapest treat. But hey, it's the Chocolate Ball. Once a year isn't too much to ask, right?
Also if you like the cheese and chocolate combination, try Chocolate Coated Cheese, Chocolate Coated Holey Cheese and Chocolate Coated Tangy Cheese.
Chocolate Coated Fish Pop
Chocolate coated trout frozen fish pop. Sticks to your tongue.
Cheese didn't suit you? Maybe it wasn't smelly enough. Maybe you're a fan of Fish Pops! They're all the rage in the Haunted Woods (an apparently with the aliens too). And guess what?! Yes they have a chocolate flavored fish pop just for the Chocolate Ball. How perfect.
You could also try Chocolate Fish, another Alien Aisha dish.
For the Health Conscious Zombie – some habits are hard to kill
Chocolate Baby Cabbage
Mmmmm, a healthy vegetable snack with a delicious center of milk chocolate!
Maybe you're a little more health conscious and the thought of chocolate adding pounds to your figure is just too much to bear; try this interesting tactic. Why not try chocolate on your vegetables? Cabbage is quite a popular choice! You can also find normal Chocolate Coated Cabbage as well as White Chocolate Baby Cabbage. Or if you'd like to try another vegetable, Chocolate Parsnip is also available.
Chocolate in your Everyday Afterlife
Youll enjoy this sweet treat with a scoop of ice cream, as long as you dont ask where the bones came from.
What? I got you addicted to chocolate and now you want it in everything you eat? Luckily you can get your bone bread in chocolate flavor too! Have a look around, you'll be able to find plenty of ways to add chocolate to your daily meals. Just take a look at some of the other articles in the Neopian Times.
So that is my article on great chocolate treats for Zombies. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed trying out all the different chocolate foods! Now that I mention it, a Chocolate Slime Burger sounds good right now.
... really, Montage? I don't think you need the rain coat, I'm not that much of a messy eater!
Written by uju_uju__62, the Zombie Pteri
Translated by Montage, the Pink Niptor.