There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 185,375,383 Issue: 496 | 27th day of Hunting, Y13
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

The Truth About Hanso

by helpamerica38


Welcome, fellow Neopians to yet another segment of Aunt Agatha’s “Problems with Neopian Society Today”. This afternoon, I’ll be discussing one of the ongoing fads that simply sets my teeth on edge: Hanso. With my unbiased, revolutionary, humble, and much needed commentary, I will share with you exactly where Neopia has gone wrong this time.

Neopian Society is constantly changing. New fads emerge and others die. I was hopeful at the onset of this whole morbid tale, that this would be another short lived fad, but as the months have passed since we first discovered a certain blue miscreant in the news, I become more dreadfully convinced that this is one Neopian we will never hear the end of!

Let me state the facts as clearly as one of my just mind can. Hanso was nothing but a common street thief until the day he attempted a robbery far outside his realm of capability, not to mention intruding on something that was entirely not his business! Those poor faeries have really suffered enough without having to deal with such a deplorable creature as Hanso being lauded as their hero! I remember quite well reading about the whole mess. Why, it perturbed me so much that I nearly thought I had a bad case of the shaky flakys! There is nothing that upsets me more than seeing Neopians like him applauded.

So let’s delve into this unsavory topic and analyze it carefully. Why is it, do you suppose, that Neopians everywhere admire and even strive to be like Hanso? What is it that is so alluring about him that causes us to be so interested in him? It cannot be his simple coloring; why, blue wasn’t even in fashion when I was young! Is it perhaps his nonchalant and uncaring personality? Or is it his fascination with antagonizing others? It could even be his associations with once upstanding citizens of Neopian society such as Brynn, but her societal degradation resulting from her going-ons with Hanso shall be discussed later.

Hanso is notoriously “easy-going”. In my mind, that is nothing more than a positive word for traits that can only be described as negative and destructive. Why is it that we Neopians think “easy-going” is is good? Is it so wrong that we attempt to be serious or constructive with our time? Is being successful through honesty such a bad thing? We reward silliness and tom foolery with praise and laughs and hilarity when it is nothing but a blight upon our society. Young Neopians are growing up believing that being motivated is boring and disinteresting. Fie on you, Hanso! Fie on you for what you are doing!

Long gone are the days when upstanding young gentleman offer to carry my groceries for me, or pluck a stray leaf from my fur on a windy fall day. Now all I ever have the misfortune of seeing is hooligans! Nothing more than hooligans, these Neopets are, running to and fro and getting in the way and causing as much chaos as possible. Why, just the other day I was quite rudely pushed off the sidewalk as I strolled along in search of something to discuss in this very segment. It became most obvious to me that the subject would be Hanso as four young Ixis dashed past me, hooves flailing every which way with no regard to me whatsoever!

I watched them go, trying to recover myself from what could have been a nasty fall when I heard their shouts (they were quite ridiculously loud and thus carried very far). They were pretending to be Hanso, going on about how the wraiths were chasing them and how they just HAD to save the day. As I peered after them, trying to discern their identities (their owners simply HAD to be informed about the damage they were doing), I noticed something even more shocking—not a single one of them was actually an Ixi!

My poor, delicate heart fluttered painfully. This is a subject near and dear to my heart. Were these young ones not at all proud of their species? Did they not care for who they were? Did they not have any thought about what those from Faerieland had suffered? And yet, they bantered about wraiths and horrible creatures like I would about the lovely flowers in my garden. Where is the common decency?! I can only ask these questions with dread in my heart, because I know the root cause of all of this societal damage is none other than our iconic blue Ixi thief and his cohorts.

Hanso at first operated alone, and until that point, I had nothing but admiration for the young Kougra guard, Brynn. Such a classy young lady, committed to her land and to preserving peace and justice. And yet, in the end, she too was snared by Hanso’s “easy-going charm” and “heroism”. I was most disappointed with the news reports. I thought that surely there was something amiss! Such an upstanding young lady could not be affiliated with such a character as Hanso! And yet, of course, we all know that such reports were entirely true, and as such, I was completely horrified. It cannot be conceivable that Hanso has legitimately won her over. Surely there must be some sort of Faerie magic that he has stolen and used on her.

If this is not the case, however, I again must admit my increasing lack of faith in any sort of positive leaders in society today. I fear that Neopia is falling into darkness. I could do nothing but weep the day Hanso appeared in the Gallery of Heroes. I had once thought that only those who benefitted society one hundred percent and devoted their lives to bettering society could earn a rightful place there. But I see that I was wrong. Well, in retrospect, I was not wrong. I am rarely wrong. Instead, I see that those affiliated with Hanso and the Gallery of Heroes are wrong. But that is behind me now. I cannot dwell on the bitter things that have happened around me. I can only hope that one day, my reasonable logic will appeal to the misguided around me and that they will realize that there is truly nothing redeemable in a common thief.

I can only hope that gentle old ladies like me will once again be respected. I have much to share with Neopia, and I can only imagine a world benefiting from my uncommon common sense.

*Producer's Note- The previous segment expresses only the views of a very bitter Neopian who has not, at this time, ever actually produced any certifiable contribution to society. Well, she does make a very good lime cheesecake, but that’s it!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


No avatar this time, I'm afraid...

Idea by acara_crystal_kiss

by saluqifreak13


Mr. Slug's Quest (pt. 3)
I? Cut and paste pictures? Never!

by supercheezee


The Excuse
Can I ask you something?

by skapandi


Apples, Marshmallows and Fangirls
Oh dear.

by yellow_gellow

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.