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Better Sleep 101

by ellen1117


These days nobody has time to sleep and when we do manage to find a minute, sleep has no time for us! Take it from me, I crawl under the covers hoping to drift into a deep sleep, only to toss and turn for hours. Eventually I doze off for a little while, then I suddenly awake to my Slice Bread Wall Clock chiming at precisely 6:00 am NST! I feel groggy, I grumble, and then I stumble to the fridge. Pour the milk and the Captain Scarblade Crunch and start my monotonous routine once again.

Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy both day and night? Instead of begrudging toss-and-turn time, why not adore your snooze? I have compiled a few of my suggestions on how to have a better night of rest and relaxation. Hope this helps... it sure *yawn*... has *yawn* helped me...

Warm, Soothing Beverages” are a must, although need I remind you not to drink too much before bed! My personal favorite is a glass of warm Kau Kau Farm Milk. Warm milk is so soothing and it will have you nodding off in no time. Remember to avoid drinks like Neocola and coffee. You do not need your pet bouncing like a Blumaroo off walls! No matter how entertaining a bubbling, frothy cup of Festering Coffee may seem, it is best to save such excitement for the morning after.

I call my next category “Sleepy, Drowsy Literature.” My first recommendation is entitled Counting Babaas. The book even has Babaas on each page for you to count—far easier than visualizing them dancing in your head. Although a simple and effective way in which to fall asleep, it is by far the most but common suggestion recommended to insomniacs. Perhaps you want to dive into the book Dream Clouds. The description says it all: this simple book will have you drifting off to sleep in no time. Need I say more? I will say more. I have yet another sleeping aid for you to try. Sleepy Time is compiled of the writings of the worst writers in the history of writing. It is so boring you will fall asleep instantly! (I better not stumble upon any of my Neopian Times articles in there... )

Interested in further reading? Perhaps it is time to consider investigating your nightmares and dreams. They are crazy adventures—nightmares take you down the dark, daunting path of DOOM while dreams take you happily along the magical, mystic path of rainbows and sunshine. Dreams are far more delightful to have then nightmares. There are two novels I recommend reading: Deciphering Your Dreams and Nightmares and Dreams.

Being the oh so helpful Neopian I am, I have some “Comforting, Cozy Bed Items” you wouldn’t want to miss out on for the ultimate nap or nighttime slumber. Firstly, be sure to pick the perfect pillow. Personally I recommend the Babaa pillow because it is fluffy. But you may detest fluffy. In that case, also stay away from the biting Furwitch Pillow. Allow me to suggest the Stamp-shaped Pillow for an avid stamp collector? Or the Jeran Pillow for the hero or heroine in all of us? Maybe the Rock Pillow for anyone crazy enough to sleep on a rock?

Maybe you need some Sleeping Blossoms to make your room drowsy. Or some comfy slippers with your sleeping gown. I have a plethora of slipper options—nobody will be facing cold feet when I am done with you. I have a few odd and unrelated slipper categories for you to choose from. The first is “slippers with faces on them.” The Fluffy Cybunny Slippers are cute and cuddly while the Novelty Blue Blumaroo Slippers are big and bouncy. The Kacheek Pyjama Slippers are playful and perfect, yet the Morning Meerca Slippers are confusingly Cybunny faces for Meercas?!? How puzzling and peculiar. My second category has far less alliteration and much more fuzz and fluff. There are Fuzzy Pink Ruki Slippers, Pretty Pink Grarrl Slippers, and Pink Fluffy Wocky Slippers. Does the color pink stink? Try the simple Blue Poogle Slippers. A few pairs of “yellow slippers” are sure to cheer your mood and warm your feet before bedtime. There are the uniquely shaped Chomby Flower Child Slippers, the Yellow and Blue Krawk Slippers, or the Banana Mynci Slippers. Warning: those bananas are not edible! The fourth and most versatile category of slippers is the “Twinkle Toes” category. These slippers are used for both the art of dance and the mastery of sleep. There are Quiggle Ballet Slippers, Blue Tonu Ballet Slippers, Pink Blumaroo Slippers, Chia Ballerina Slippers and even Evil Pink Turbo Slippers. Who would have thought a graceful ballerina would want to kick someone in the face with these things...

Why not buy a few more blankets for your bed? Blankets are the ultimate item to ensure a long night of slumber. They offer warmth and security and about as much love as a big stuffed teddy bear (that is a lot of love!) Feeling cold as ice? Try a Heated Blanket. You could even buy your petpet the cute little Snuffly blanket. After all, your petpets may have trouble sleeping too! If your petpet can’t sleep, it is time to buy the little guy a sleeping bag to snuggle in. Your petpet is guaranteed to sleep soundly next to your pet in a warm, puffy sleeping bag. Nothing is cozier!

Our comforting bed items list continues. Perhaps you should try a sleeping cap. We use our thinking caps to think, why not use our sleeping caps to sleep? (Hehehe.) But seriously, a sleeping cap would keep your head nice and warm. You would sleep a lot better sporting the extremely popular Celestial Sleeping Cap. You sleep soundly and you look good at the same time. The complementary item to the sleeping cap is the sleeping mask! Every diva needs her Pink Sleeping Wocky Mask to catch a few Zzzzzs. Such a fabulous sleeping item!

Well, I don’t know about you, *yawn* but... I... am... starting to get *yawn* very, very sleepy. I hope my guide to better sleep has provided you with... Zzzzzzzzz...

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