Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 184,658,392 Issue: 487 | 25th day of Running, Y13
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You Are What You Eat: Save Our Skeiths and Grarrls!


by pandora

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Hello, and welcome to the newest edition of You Are What You Eat! Last time we delved into the life of poor Cocoa and her chocolate-obsessed owner, but you are far from having seen it all! Millions of neopets around Neopia suffer from malnutrition and negligence, two of our prime victims being Grarrls and Skeiths! Every day, a Grarrl or Skeith is fed unsuitably in order to obtain avatars or simply get rid of cheap or unwanted items. While owners may mean little to no harm, these actions have serious impact on pets. Today we will be meeting with Keith the Skeith and Gracie the Grarrl, to listen to their stories, and to find out just what they did in order to make a difference!

~*~

"Hey, there. I'm Keith, and yes, I am a Skeith. I've been around for quite a while, but have spent most of my days in the pound since my first owner abandoned me.

I mean, yeah, it was most definitely not a high point in my life, being left in the pound and all. But I am completely honest when I say that I'd rather have stayed in the pound than be forced to live my life as some sort of avatar-eating-machine. For reference, here is an average day for me:

1) Wake up... in the pound.

2) Get ushered out of my room by the creepy Tech--I mean Dr. Death.

3) Watch for a few minutes as my new owner does some really quick paperwork.

4) Go to my new 'home'.

5) Get force-fed any of the following:

a. Something with the word 'Skeith' in it's name. This can range anywhere from a Milk Chocolate Skeith to a Skeith Sword. Yikes.

b. Foods that are 'speckled', random objects that are 'speckled', and Neezles Jabs. You read the last one right.

c. Either a bunch of leek, or a palm fan. These aren't so bad, because at least the brain-to-mouth sensation comprehends most of this as food.

Find a pattern, yet? Did you notice the odd amount of non-edible items that are forcefully made edible? Those are not exaggerations or lies; they are legitimately my life. Oh, and for those still interested, here are the final parts of my day:

6) Get pounded ASAP. My record has been 13 seconds flat.

7) Rinse, lather, repeat, repeat, repeat process.

I think that speaks for itself. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against avatars or people or anything, but if you had to deal with all of that every day of your life, you'd be cranky, too. It's quite taxing really; the entire process is also pretty uncomfortable. I mean, who was the jelly-head that came up with the idea that us Skeiths could eat anything under the sun? Okay, so, we can 'technically' chew and digest everything, what with our sharp teeth and comfortably sized stomachs... but it doesn't mean we want to!

I'm sure everyone is capable of rolling around in kau dung, not bathing for weeks, or even telling the Faerie Queen herself that she's got to find a more natural hair color. However, it doesn't mean you will or would like to. Because of my unwanted abilities, I'm paranoid that I'll wake up one morning with a Skeith Plushie halfway down my throat. Yes, it's happened before, and no, it is not something I'd like to repeat.

So to all of you out there who are reading this, I'm not really asking for you to quit avatars or to stop adopting or pounding us Skeiths (although it would be quite nice...). Just be a bit more considerate. Treat us with respect, and we'll respect you. Get to know us, we won't bite. Believe it or not, Skeiths love to help, and are quite loyal. Just give us reason, and we'll understand. I'd take eating a Neezles Jab a lot better if I liked the person I was helping for the avatar. Thanks."

~*~*~

Such a wonderful young pet! And quite the gentleman! Currently, Keith the Skeith has been boarded a room at the AstroVilla, fully funded by our studios. Remember, contact our Skeith hotline at 1-800-SOS (That's one-eight hundred, save our Skeiths) if you know of a Skeith suffering from the lack of a proper diet like Keith.

Next we will be presenting the story of Gracie the Grarrl, a lovely... little thing who has spent the most of her life in a similar pickle.

~*~*~

"Hi there, I'm Grace, but EVERYONE calls me Gracie! Oops, sorry, I get a bit excited at times, hehe! But one thing I'm never excited for is eating. Haha, that was some pretty smooth segue there, don't you say? Well, er, anyway, like I said, I'm not a fan of meal-times. I know what you're thinking: she's a Grarrl, she loves food, she's huge, blah blah blah. I do love food. Key-word: food.

I guess I should explain myself a bit. I get a new owner every few weeks. I spend a lot of time waiting, in the pound. It's not very fun, or pretty, but oh well, it is nice when you get adopted. More often than not, I'm adopted, some kid throws a bony Grarrl club at me anywhere from one day to one year after getting me, and I'm pounded. Not that exciting, but I cope.

I don't mind being equipped with pricey Battledome weapons. What I do mind is when somebody makes me eat a speckled napkin or... ugh... a Neezles Jab! I've also been force-fed various paraphernalia (ooh, hehe, big word there!) such as palm fans and "Drink"ing Pteri Toys. Not such pleasant memories, I might add. Also quite fattening.

And what's worse, when I'm adopted by people who want that bony Grarrl club avatar, they usually leave me to fend for myself while they go off picking around for a lender, leaving me without food in the mostly empty neohome. Not cool!

And, well, we all get hungry. And, like I've already stated, I hate eating non-food products; however, what's a hungry Grarrl to do? I end up munching on whatever I can get my hands on; tablecloth, books, codestones. I'm even guilty of having eaten a couple Faerie Queen Dolls... and, to my shame, a very expensive bony Grarrl club. It wasn't my fault that my owner at the time left me with absolutely nothing to eat for three weeks and then arrived with the club. It looked pretty appetizing!

So, okay, I admit, I have my regrets. But don't we all? Seriously, cut me some slack (and NOT some disgusting avatar items, ugh!). A thank you would mean the world, an actual meal... or... a home, well... I don't know how I'd manage to display my gratitude. Ah, sorry, got a bit emotional there, but you would be too if all you had doll-hair in your system. Oh, all this stress really isn't good for my skin... so, please, just hear me out: I'm not asking anyone to forfeit dreams and goals, just think of the neopet you're using in order to achieve them. Treat us well, and we won't hesitate to help. Ooh, getting too emotional now... just, thank you!"

~*~*~

Readers from all around Neopia will be overjoyed to hear that Gracie has been provided with the necessary funding for a much-wanted trip to Faerieland. There she will enjoy the finest, lightest cuisine from within the walls of the vibrant, enchanting city. She will no longer have to suffer from the unhealthy, acne-inducing diet she had dealt with prior to being interviewed.

Remember, if you or a loved one knows of a neopet suffering from lack of proper nutrition, contact us immediately at 1-800-SON (That's one eight hundred save our neopets!) or specifically dial our Grarrl hotline, 1-800-SOG.

Hopefully this article has been informing to all of its readers. Thank you for reading, and tune in next time for You Are What You Eat's newest installment: Save Our Jetsams!

Pandora out!

 
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