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Hubrid Nox: Evil Mastermind, OR A NEOPIAN TREASURE?!

by zirr


So apparently, my last article was a bit slanderous, with the Psellia and the Lisha and everyone except Jeran being revealed to be evil traitors (valid research took place, none of that was made up or guessed at!) and so I thought I'd go in a bit of a different direction this time: revealing the softer side of some of Neopia's supposed 'villains'.

First on our list today is Hubrid Nox, a poor, misunderstood, lonely Chia who lives in a Tower, on a Hill, in the Haunted Woods. He lives the lonely life of a tired old man, spending most of his time reminiscing about the olden days when Chias were a respected species not battered around by the likes of Wockies like Magax, or that stupid bunch of 'heroes' in Neoquest 2 who always traipse up his tower, despite how much security he pays to keep them away, so they can beat him up and find out that it was all a spell concocted by someone else and that Hubrid himself is just, well, a harmless old man! Can you blame him for wanting to destroy them, when they do it hundreds, thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of times a DAY? We know we want to crush that annoying little Wocky every day with much less reason than Nox, and if we had his powers, OH if we had his powers, the things we could do! We could get Punchbag Sid, anytime we wanted, we could bend anyone to our will at the click of a finger ... ahem but remember this is about what Hubrid Nox could do, and he chooses, ever so nicely, to LET US ALL LIVE! Isn't that enough?

These plots he is always accused of hatching, have any of them ever WORKED? We've all dreamed of a little more power, probably gone a certain way in our mind towards planning how we would get this power (in our heads)! At least he is HONEST enough to admit his flaws, and hide himself away in his lonesome tower to protect us from his most awesome wit and planning, so that no harm will come to us! We couldn't get all the way up his tower due to all of his *cough* friends who were there to visit him also, which caused a blockage on the stairway, but we spoke to some VERY reliable sources and are sure that this is ALL true and Hubrid Nox should be a Neopian Treasure, if not even a Hero, rather than lurking in the Gallery of Evil like some common Pant Devil! This old man has lasted for a very long time, lurking in the background, occasionally uniting some people against a common enemy, but he has befallen befuddlement himself (think Neoquest 2) and we're sure, ABSOLUTELY SURE (no proof guaranteed) that he is a lovely, reformed man despite there never being anything wrong with him in the first place.

The next item of affection on our list of 'evil' is Captain Scarblade! A swashbuckling, sword wielding, 'ARRRR!'-proclaiming, sea-faring hero if there ever was one. Perhaps more of an antihero, in fact, but still on the same level! Every place needs someone to watch over it like a loving father; a doting mother; an all-seeing carer, and the seas of Neopia are no exception! Forgotten by civilisation (unless you count Maraqua) as most neopets choose to simply fly OVER them to get where they want, these neglected, spectacular areas of dark blue seas and majestic formations need someone to make sure they are not abused, and stay in the prime condition they are for pirating! Who knows what lies in the uncharted parts of the sea, new worlds have been being discovered for a long time and Lutari Island still stays, for the most part, a complete mystery!

Maybe if we accepted Captain Scarblade into our hearts, into our Galleries of Heroes, into our anywhere that doesn't brand him as evil, maybe then he could find out all about Lutari Island! Venture there, as the bravest soul that ever lived, with a handchosen crew of seaworthy mates, to take some of our more famous explorers there to map the island, open it up to the public, find channels through which the public could arrive there and explore for themselves (as long as it's safe) and maybe (just maybe) we'd discover all those Lutaris who had run away when their cruel, cruel owners try to send them to the pound! A lot could be gained from letting this sea-loving soul into our hAAAAAR!ts!

Lastly but by no means least, the biggest, most understood of them all: Doctor Frank Sloth! This Doctor loved Grundos more than anyone else, when most people (and rightly so!) just see a big, shiny pair of eyes and an ugly, huge pair of antennae that are completely repulsive to us normal folk, but Doctor Frank Sloth is not a normal person like any of us. He takes these Grundos into his life and into his hearts, he gives them purpose, meaning, direction in their otherwise ugly lives! Of course, we couldn't conduct an actual intervieew with him but we here at the Gossip, Speculation and Defamation of Character Column definitely believe all of what we think to be true, and more importantly, it's sweet and it makes Neopia a happier, more cheerful place!

Imagine, if we were all ruled by Sloth, there would be no conflict, the faeries would be REGULATED instead of going to their favourite people and the Fountain Faerie, for example, giving some people SIX quests and others NONE *HINT HINT WINK WINK* because they would all be submitting to Sloth. Maybe Sloth wouldn't be a completely fair, just ruler, but he would be better than no ruler at all, and who else would run? Except for the gorgeous, brave, heroic Jeran who we refused to defame in the last article, we can't think of anyone who would stand any chance at opposing him! And of course, while Jeran could be the face of the rulers of Neopia, Sloth has the brains (we can only have one or the other, which is why the faeries are so dumb ;)) ~ we think it would be a GREAT idea for this pair to team up, and we hope you agree with us! They've got our vote!

Thank you for reading this article; if you've got a specific hero/villain you'd like to see discussed in the next article, please neomail me!

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