Save the Wheels? Pah!
Neopians of the world, listen up. May I ask, have you donated to the ‘Save the Wheels’ campaign? You most likely have, and quite a bit too. I assume you thought those donations were going towards renovating Neopia’s most popular wheel, the Wheel of Excitement? Well, that ‘nice, friendly, caring’ red Lenny hardly needs well over three billion neopoints to do that, now, does he? TNT would do it for free! That Lenny is a cheating conman! And I have evidence! Read the following article and you will see what I mean.
I will now quote the first part of the Lenny’s speech for you.
“Welcome to the Save the Wheels campaign. For years, Neopia's Wheels have been a rich source of benefits for all. Won't you see to it that these beloved treasures are around for future generations?”
Wait - what is he on about here? A rich source of benefits? You’d have to be luckier than Twitterpate was to win the AC Staff Tournament to get even a half-way decent prize at any of the wheels.
Beloved treasures? Is he talking about the wheels here? I was recently browsing the poll results, and in the poll question: “Which of these is your favourite daily?” Wheels were the fourth and second last popular answer. At the time of writing this, there are 14,585 votes between ‘Wheels’ and the next most popular daily. I don’t think it can catch up. I’m not saying that no one likes the wheels; I’m just saying that we could certainly do without them. That part shows how much that Lenny knows.
I will now quote the second part of the cheating Lenny’s speech for your benefit.
“The Wheel of Knowledge has been saved, but I'm—I mean, the Neopian Conservation Society is nearly broke. Please donate to save the Wheel of Excitement!”
First of all, The Wheel of Knowledge didn’t need saving. It was perfectly acceptable the way it was. And even if it had needed a renovation, TNT would have done it for free. And why on Neopia is he doing the wheels before the lands? If those lands didn’t exist, the wheels wouldn’t even be there! And some of those lands are really getting on a bit. *cough* HINT *cough*
This next bit is the most important part. He admits it! He admits that he is a conman! He actually says that he is broke and asks you to give money to him! He says, “BUT I’M - I mean the NCS is NEARLY BROKE!” I bet he spent all his neopoints playing Dice-a-Roo or something silly like that. And anyway, if the Neopian Conservation Society actually existed, how could it go broke? Wouldn’t it get money from the Neopian Bank or TNT or something? And it’s obvious that that Lenny hasn’t got a single Neopoint! Look at that banner he made! The one that says ‘SAVE THE WHEELS’ on it. That fabric that the words are painted on looks like it was found buried in a Skeith‘s mouth! It is full of holes and patches! That Lenny is too evil to be a Lenny. It simply cannot be a normal neopet. I have been thinking long and hard about this and have come up with a few possible theories:
Probably one of the most obvious suspects. The meepits have been known to commit every type of crime available and still get away with it. For many of TNT’s misfortunes, they have blamed the meepits. Look in that brown bag the Lenny is holding. Look inside it. Do you not think it looks like a bunch of red Meepits? I’m sure they could do with a few extra neopoints. I bet the meepits have promised the red Lenny half of their profits if he helps them, but when their task is complete, the meepits will run off with all the money and the Lenny will be left as poor as he ever was. Aww. I almost feel sorry for him. (Note I said almost.) It is possibly the meepits, but is just as likely one of the following suspects.
Another obvious suspect. In case you don’t already know, Dr. Frank Sloth is an evil, mad scientist who wants nothing more than world domination. His species is not known, and he does like his hair-gel. He has tried several times to conquer the world (all of them failures) and is thought to be on a holiday. Until now.
In the past, Sloth has enslaved an entire alien race of Neopets, known as Grundos, and has been known to mutate them into other forms to fit his needs. I think it is likely that Sloth has taken one Grundo from his army, morphed it into a red Lenny and told it what to do in order to steal billions of neopoints from the innocent users of Neopia. You see those glasses the Lenny is wearing? They aren’t glasses, they’re mini Neovision screens. Sloth is inside one of the ‘lenses’ and he is telling the Lenny what to do 24/7.
Vickles is the captain of the Darigan Citadel Yooyuball team, and he’ll be looking for vengeance before not too much longer after his team finished third in the Altador Cup when they were so close to going all the way. After all, Darigan Citadel is an evil, sinister land. Please do not pelt me with tomatoes after saying that. Anyway, Vickles will most likely be trying to sabotage the Lost Desert’s partying. But he will need funding to do that. If he had a few billion neopoints, he could organize a sabotage team, steal the trophy from the Lost Desert, and then with the remaining neopoints bribe all the witnesses not to say anything.
Have you noticed how separate the Lenny’s head looks from his body? It looks like it will come apart any second. Or maybe it is just a mask! His feet look a bit plasticy too. And look at what’s in the Lenny’s bag! I’m not sure exactly what it is, but it looks like some sort of sinister weapon.
So, is this red Lenny with no name really Layton Vickles in a Halloween costume? O_o It seems a bit far-fetched, but it’s certainly possible.
Yes, the final suspect is the ‘wonderful’ creators of Neopets, The Neopets Team. They have been known to go a bit mad sometimes *cough* but would they go this far? The answer is: YES. I’m sure that, after twelve years of us annoying them and pelting them with stupid questions, toast, petpets and a variety of types of rocks, TNT must be plotting revenge on us some how. And what better time to do it, for after all they’ve done for us, who would suspect the wonderful TNT? The answer is: No one should, because TNT are brilliant and awesome and they would probably never do anything to provoke us. (Note I said ‘probably’.)
Well, that is it from me. I hope you have learnt not to trust that red Lenny with no name. Don’t give him ANY more neopoints. When TNT catch him, they will renovate all of them for free. Thank you. ;)