There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 180,823,044 Issue: 450 | 2nd day of Swimming, Y12
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The Neopian Times 450 Extravaganza

by a_greenparrot


**Thanks to ghostkomorichu, lachtaube, hubaduwaha, fish_puddle, bearcatt, and pawz11 for letting me feature their characters.**

A stage is set up with many colourful and exciting decorations. Flashing lights, streams, confetti all the cover the theater which is full with thousands of eager Neopians. In the middle of the stage are a few chairs; one is a green armchair, one is a small wooden and seat, and the middle one is large and facing away from the audience. On an enormous sign above the stage are bright letters stating, “Neopian Times 450 Extravaganza!” In front of the chairs is a plump Green Pteri wearing a tuxedo and holding a microphone.

     “Welcome, everybody,” he announces jovially. “I am so glad to see so many faces in the audience. This is truly an event to remember; the Neopian Times 450 Extravaganza!”

     The crowd goes wild with applause, cheering, and screaming.

     “My name is A. Greenparrot and I will be your host for the show,” the Pteri continues, “The Neopian Times is an excellent source of humor, adventure, and thrills. One of the most important aspects are the comics; they give you a quick laugh without having to tell an entire story. But once in a while we find a real treat, a series of comics about the same characters. Every comic it’s something new in the life of the cast. Today I will be talking to some of the Neopian Times’ most well-known recurring comic characters. Let’s kick things off with Komo the Korbat!”

     The middle chair spins around and reveals a small, furry Desert Korbat. The crowd burst into adoring applause.

     “Thank you, you’re too kind,” says the Korbat with a blush.

     “Komo is from the hit series, Spooky,” explains the Greenparrot. “In this series a Korbat puts up with living in the Haunted Woods with his three ghostly brothers, a Uni, a Draik, and a Mynci, the grim reaper himself. However, despite the name, it’s nothing too frightening and quite comical.

     “Now, Komo, it is so great to have you here,” praises Greenparrot. “I love your new desert look.”

     “Aw thanks,” replies Komo. “My brothers don’t exactly agree.”

     “Bah, forget them,” scoffs the Pteri. “Spooky is about you.”

     “You give me too much credit,” says the Korbat as his blush reddens. “You’re gonna annoy Tombstones if you keep it up.”

     “Oh, that sissy Uni doesn’t scare me,” boasts Greenparrot as he puffs out his chest.

     Komo looks slightly confused and mutters, “Uh actually, that’s Echo; Tombstones is the Mynci.”

     A look of horror crosses over the host’s face as he pales and whispers, “You mean... Death?”

     “That’s him,” answers Komo.

     Suddenly very nervous and rushed Greenparrot says, “Well, let’s stop wasting time with this pointless flattery and get on with the show; I have a ton of questions for you. First off, how do you feel being famous?”

     Komo shrugs and answers, “It’s not really too different.”

     “Hm, you haven’t felt any changes in your real life?” inquires Greenparrot.

     “No, not really,” mumbles Komo. “My life pretty much is the comics; there’s no difference.”

     “Very interesting indeed,” concludes the host. “Next, what do you feel about-”

     His question is interrupted by an obnoxious knock on a door on stage right. A. Greenparrot glances at the clock and shakes his head.

     “That’s odd,” he murmurs. “My next guest isn’t due until ten more minutes.”

     The Pteri goes to the door and opens it, revealing a Christmas Koi with a smug grin. The Koi is entirely colourless.

     “Hey, now this party can get started, ‘cause Mad is in the house!” declares the Koi as he rushes to centre stage.

     “You know, you are a bit early,” says Greenparrot, who is clearly annoyed.

     “Yeah, but that’s fashionable, right?” laughs Mad.

     “Actually that’s being late,” corrects Komo from his seat.

     “Eh, whatever, the more time I’m here the better,” boasts the Koi arrogantly.

     Greenparrot motions for Mad to sit down in the wooden chair and announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Mad is a Koi from the ongoing series One Fish, Two Fish. The comics are all about the antics of an egotistical Koi. Let’s give it up for Mad!”

     Once again the crowd rambunctiously cheers.

     “So Mad, my first question for you is, why don’t you have any colour?” poses the Pteri.

     “Well, you see, A., there is an inverse ratio between colour and awesomeness,” explains Mad. “I am so awesome that there just wasn’t any room for colour.”

     Greenparrot, not amused, sighs. “Alright, we’ll pretend that that made sense and ask another question to Komo.”

     “Hold up, A.,” butts in Mad. “There’ll be time for Short Stuff here later; right now I’m the person people want to hear about.”

     “Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” argues Greenparrot. “I’m sure there are just as many people want to hear about Spooky as there are who want to hear about you.”

     “Spooky, eh? Never heard of it,” declares Mad.

     A collective gasp is heard throughout the theater.

     “You’ve never heard of Spooky?” repeats the Pteri.

     “Yeah, in Neopia if it’s not about me, it’s not worth my time,” Mad scoffs.

     The crowd is now booing and cursing Mad. The Koi gets up and shakes his fist at them.

     “Look people, you all know that I am the best thing... ever!” he shouts. “If you can’t handle that then I’ll just leave.”

     Mad angrily strides out stage left.

     “Well, that was odd,” remarks Greenparrot.

     Komo looks at the clock and says, “You know, A., I think my time is just about up.”

     “Oh, don’t leave just yet,” urges the host. “I’ve still got some questions I want to ask you. And don’t worry; our next guest is a Bori and I’ve heard that they’re quite timid.”

     Suddenly the floor begins to shake. In a burst of wood, a very tall Blue Bori jumps onto the stage.

     “Here’s Blue!” he announces with a large grin.

     “Wow, for someone supposedly timid, that’s quite an entrance,” comments Komo.

     “Yes, and quite a fee he’ll have to pay for that floor to be repaired, “grumbles Greenparrot as he scribbles down numbers on a notepad.

     Once he finishes, he motions towards the wooden chair and declares, “Ladies and Gentlemen, from the wonderful series of The Hero Society, it’s Blue the Bori. The Hero Society tells the tale of two Neopets who journey to Mystery Island so they can train to be heroes.”

     Greenparrot turns to the large Bori and asks, “So Blue, my first question is this: Although you are in a comic mentioning heroes, you seem to perform few heroic acts. What is most noble thing that you have done that we might not know about?”

     Blue scratches his head and scrunches his face in thought.

     Eventually he answers, “Well, this one time I donated to the Money Tree.”

     “Ah yes,” replies the Pteri. “What did you donate?”

     “Some poisonous jelly,” declares Blue as his smile broadens.

     “Well, that’s very generous of you,” remarks Greenparrot sarcastically. “Thank you for helping the spread of Neomonia.”

     Blue continues to grin obliviously while Komo sighs in annoyance.

     “Next question, Blue,” A. Greenparrot continues. “How do you think you have changed since you started your quest?’

     Blue crosses his legs and hunches over as ponders what to say next. He drums his fingers against his head for several minutes as Greenparrot urges him to hurry.

     “Well, the meaning of the Universe in my opinion--” Blue begins to answer.

     “Uh, that wasn’t the question,” interrupts the Pteri.

     “Oh, I know the answer, it’s 32!” cries Blue.

     “You are more... 32 now since the beginning?” asks a perplexed Greenparrot.

     Blue just nods proudly.

     “Well, I think that it’s time we return the spotlight to Komo,” declares Greenparrot eagerly, “Komo, what do you think is your biggest pet peeve when it comes to comics?”

     Komo pauses in thought, then answers, “I find it annoying when characters are disproportionately sized.”

     “Oh yeah, I hate it when two characters that should be the same size aren’t,” adds Blue, unaware that he is twice the height of Komo.

     “Well, doesn’t it bug you when people have *cough*No colour*/cough*?” hints Greenparrot.

     “I heard that!” comes the angry voice of Mad offstage.

     “Well, A., It’s been great to be on your show,” says Komo as he stands up.

     “Oh, wait a second, Komo,” Greenparrot says as he pushes the Korbat back into his seat. “There’s someone you just have to meet; he’s a talking peanut.”

     “Well, that does sound interesting,” Komo agrees.

     Right on cue, a miniscule Chia wearing a blue baseball cap enters the stage.

     “Continuing our heroic comics, we now turn to The Bunker,” says Greenparrot to the audience. “The Bunker features four Neopets who try to make Neopia a better place. But Phil here is just some peanut who mooches off of them.”

     “Hey!” barks Phil from Greenparrot’s legs. “I may mooch off others, but I am no peanut. I’m a Chia.”

     “Oh, I see you’re still suffering from delusions,” sighs the Pteri. “Don’t worry, I’m sure someday you’ll be a Chia.”

     The host patronizingly pats the Chia on his head. In rage, Phil bites the Pteri’s finger. Greenparrot’s face flashes with pain as he swings his wing in agony.

     “Ow, it hurts,” he moans. “Blue, do something heroic for once and get him off me.”

     “Oh, I’m still a level 2 hero: Crowd Control,” explains Blue. “I’m not allowed to directly affect a crime in progress.”

     “Grr, then Komo, you get this thing off of me,” growls Greenparrot in growing pain.

     Komo rises to aid the host, but finds his path blocked by Blue.

     “Nothing to see hear, folks,” Blue says in his Crowd Control voice. “Just move along and wait for the authorities to arrive.”

     Realizing that he would receive no help from his guest, the Pteri flings his wing out towards the audience. Phil is launched off towards the crowd.

     “There, someone in row W gets a free talking peanut,” Greenparrot exclaims.

     “For the last time, I’m a Chia!” bellows Phil from the audience.

     Greenparrot ignores Phil and looks at his cue cards.

     “It would seem as though we have a bit of time to kill before our next guest arrives,” declares the Pteri. “Now would be a good time to have our intermission. Komo, if you would be so kind to read these cards.”

     The Pteri hands some notes to Komo.

     The Korbat reads under his breath, “Let’s all go to the lob... Hey, I’m not reading this!”

     “C’mon Komo, you need to support my lobby, you’re a celebrity,” begs the host.

     “Absolutely not,” protests Komo. “I refused to be degraded to endorsing junk food.”

     “Fine,” snaps Greenparrot. “I’ll just get Blue to read it.”

     The Bori grabs the cards and reads, “Let’s all go to... the lobby?! I wanna go to the lobby! Me first, me first!”

     The Bori rushes out of his seat and down the aisles to the lobby. No one follows.

     “Oh alright, forget the lobby,” groans Greenparrot.

     A faint knocking is heard at the door. A. Greenparrot hurries over to open the door, he is clearly happy to have a polite guest for once. He opens the door to reveal a tall Aisha with orange hair.

     “Ah, Purrony, you’re right on time,” exclaims Greenparrot joyfully. “Please take a seat.”

     The Aisha smiles and sits in the vacant wooden chair.

     “Purrony is from the comics No Sugar, which is all about the fun she has with her family,” Greenparrot announces. “Purrony, I would love for you to give some advice for aspiring comics.”

     “I actually have a speech prepared for just the occasion,” says the Aisha, “You see, beauty comes in all sorts of forms. A rainbow of colours, or a sparkling white...”

     “I’ll just slip out now,” Komo whispers as he makes his way to the exit.

     “But Komo, you don’t want to miss Purrony’s speech; you could offend her,” warns Greenparrot.

     Komo rolls his eyes and sits down.

     “...And so in conclusion, anyone can be successful,” Purrony finishes.

     “Very nice, Purrony,” Greenparrot comments. “Now, Komo, I think I can take a hint when I see one; you’d like some fresh air. So, how would you like to do a favor for me?”

     “Uh, okay,” answers Komo.

     “I need you to fetch our next guest,” Greenparrot explains. “He was supposed to be here a while ago; he’s a Poogle, Gelert, Zafara thing.”

     Komo is clearly uncertain of what he is looking for, but he nods and departs.

     “Now, Purrony, I’d like to ask another question,” Greenparrot continues. “We have had a lot of odd people here today, peanuts, oversized Boris, and colourless Koi; what is your opinion on inaccurate portrayals of Neopets?”

     “Oh, A., I think you’re being too negative,” laughs Purrony. “Comics are about creativity; Neopets can look however their series suits them. I don’t think it matters if they’re small, large, colourless, or some mesh of multiple species.”

     Abruptly a large canine-like Neopet breaks through the wall.

     “Speak of the Pant Devil,” gasped Greenparrot.

     “Listen up, I’m a Lupe,” growls the fat Neopet. “A ghost Lupe. And the only reason I followed that Korbat here was to make sure you got that through your head.”

     “Um, excuse me, but if you’re a ghost, then why didn’t you just phase through the wall?” poses Komo from the stage left door.

     “Good point, Komo, I’ll have to add that to Blue’s bill,” grumbles the host as he scribbles more onto his note.

     “Why don’t you charge the Lupe who broke the wall?” inquires Purrony.

     “Because I only want to have to mail one bill; the paperwork is so tiresome,” elaborates Greenparrot.

     Turning towards the Lupe, Greenparrot says, “So, you must be Ubuuroi, please sit down.”

     “No way,” scoffs Ubuuroi, “I told you, I only came to tell you that I’m a Lupe.”

     “But I saved an extra comfy seat for you,” pleads the Pteri as he gestures to the armchair.

     Ubuuroi looks torn; eventually he slumps down in the green chair.

     “Ubuuroi is from the very interesting series Pint-Sized, which features a large grumpy Lupe,” Greenparrot explains, “and an irritating smaller... she’s a Lupe too, right?”

     Ubuuroi nods.

     “Yes, an irritating small Lupe,” finishes Greenparrot. “So, Ubu, although you seem quite angry at your sister, do you have any feelings for her?”

     “No,” the Lupe answers curtly.

     “Oh, not a teensy tiny bit deep down?” prods Greenparrot.

     “No,” repeats Ubuuroi.

     “You don’t love her the smallest little bit?” the Pteri continues.

     Ubuuroi grasps the Pteri around the neck and growls, “Look, I don’t like her, and even if I did, I won’t mention it on a media event like this.”

     “Aha, so you do love her,” boasts Greenparrot. “I knew it.”

     Ubuuroi tightens his grip.

     “Okay, you don’t like,” says Greenparrot in a strangled voice.

     “I did your little question game, now I’m going home,” declares Ubuuroi as he reveals wheels under his chair and rolls offstage.

     “I think I’ll follow Ubuuroi’s example,” says Purrony. “It was great being here, but I gotta keep my brothers out of trouble.”

     She also departs.

     “Well, Komo, it’s you and me now,” sighs Greenparrot desperately.

     “Goodbye, A.,” says Komo bluntly as he leaves.

     “Don’t leave, I need you. My show needs you!” begs Greenparrot. “Isn’t there anyone else?”

     “There’s me,” comes a cold voice. “The guy who doesn’t matter.”

     A Halloween Mynci steps out of the shadows.

     “Oh, Tombstones,” murmurs Greenparrot. “I didn’t mean to offend you... you have to understand that was just... Please don’t hurt me.”

     The Mynci swings his scythe at the Pteri, who dodges frantically. As Tombstones chases Greenparrot around the stage, the end credits play.

The End

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