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About Those Games...

by amicaverbi


Everyone knows that games are great. After all, they're most players' main livelihood, right? But... they don't always really make sense. Or something. You know, I've never been very good at introductions... but here are a bunch of comments on Neopia's games. I'd advise that you continue on to the body of the article at this time, because I refuse to say anything else interesting here.

GOODNIGHT mr.coconut

Jelly World is re--ZAP.

Wait, you're still here? Well, get on to that article now! Go! Go! Go! (Isn't that a card game?)

Adver-video: Er, TNT... why are you showing us Neopets ads? We're already here.

Wicked Wocky Wobble: Three letters for you, Wallace: SDB.

Defender Trainer: Side effects may include poking your Neopet while shouting "Shoyru starts with S!"

Crisis Courier: Clearly King Altador hasn't heard of Neomail.

Darigan Dodgeball: They call it a game, but it's clearly an elaborate method of execution. Have you heard that, er, squishing noise?

Turmac Roll: They don't tell you that those berries are from the fields of a rather dislikable farmer who hates Turmacs...

Super Hasee Bounce: It was then revealed that those balloons had been intended for King Skarl's birthday party, and, well, Jimmi and Woogy had to flee the kingdom.

Snow Roller: Screams, shouts of "What the--?" and, dare I say it, yellow snow: what is this one teaching our children?

Feed Florg: When I was little, I used to purposefully lose this one to save the petpets. Now... now I want that avatar.

Ice Cream Machine: So that's why my ice cream occasionally has little, er, mittens in it.

Barf Boat: Good thing to play when you're hungry--because by the time you're done you won't be anymore.

200m Peanut Dash: And I really want to eat that? It came out of an Elephante's trunk, guys.

Freaky Factory: As it's run by Dr. Sloth, I'd say your head and job are on the line.

Splat-A-Sloth: Oh, Doctor! What, this? Um... just a game... no disrespect... please put the death ray down.

Jubble Bubble: If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you can't swim, get out of the water.

Jumpin' Gem Heist: Because I always collect rocks with my head!

Tunnel Tumble: So... one painful method of execution that ends with a disgusting squish just wasn't enough? You had to add lava? And a cute little Kougra?

Meerca Chase II: Everything is smiling... including the deadly Red Neggs. Oh dear.

Fashion Fever: "Fever" is in the name because you may get one just by looking at that hair.

Volcano Run II: Now, by the second game I'd have learned not to fly into volcanoes. But I guess he is a cave-Scorchio.

Ultimate Bullseye II: Ten points if you can hit Hagan's head!

Snot Splatter: See "Barf Boat."

Trouble at the National Neopian: Someone needs a better security system.

Piper Panic: Maybe you should try some kind of fencing.

Wingoball: Mammy! Da meanie gnomes stole mah toy! I cry now!

Spell-Or-Starve: Education is important. You never know when a word-game-playing robot will trap you in a storage room.

Escape to Kreludor: So, shouldn't I be trying to get somewhere instead of shooting Sloth's ships?

Dueling Decks: So, why is Jacques smarter than Eliv Thade? And why is Kauvara braver than Gorix or Hannah?

Ghost Bopper: Has no one pointed out that ghosts are supposed to be insubstantial?

Mynci Beach Volleyball: Side effects may include nightmares about giant Myncies.

Web of Vernax: I stick by the belief that the little Vernax are just being returned to a zoo.

Deckball: This one takes Newton's Third Law a bit far.

Top Chop: Ahhh! My hand! This is so not worth some cheap clothes!

Slorgs in Space: Is it just me, or do those Slorgs look kind of... rabid?

Imperial Exam: If that guard can spell so well, why isn't he screening the applicants?

Shenkuu Warrior: So, how many times do I get to fall to my death before it's game over?

Edna's Shadow: Cinnamon toast. Oh, I'm sorry. That has nothing to do with the game. I'm just hungry.

Guess the Card: Come on, Kaliiox! Aishas are supposed to be psychic!

Korbats Lab: TNT, I now present you with an organization of Korbats and Spyders who are very, very miffed by the phrase "nasty Korbats and Spyders" in the game's description. Give me a Draik Egg and I'll distract them so you can escape.

Sophie's Stew: Some of those ingredients look kind of... alive... you know what, I'm not going to ask questions.

Kass Basher: Someone call the PPL! What do you mean, "They only do petpets?" I'm talking about the Plushie Protection League!

Tubular Kiko Racing: I thought this was a sport! Why are they shooting at me? Where's the referee?

Ready to Roll: And, um... why is the training area surrounded with spikes?

Cheat!: I would give you a witty comment, but I have to go hide from the attack Chombies now. Wish me luck.

Itchy Invasion: Do you not realize how much those Petpetpets are worth?

Pterattack: Not recommended to play too much if you own a Grarrl. Or at least don't blame if you try to shoot them with a laser.

Extreme Herder: Would be nice if the petpets could figure out to run away from the giant growling predator.

Hot Dog Hero: It can walk on water! Or at least on condiments.

MAGAX: Destroyer II: Again with the hitting-insubstantial-ghosts thing?

Hasee Bounce: Would someone please explain the flying dung, mud, and slime? Or, for that matter, the flying fruit?

Dar-BLAT!!!: The Darblat is a lie! I tell you, it never appears!

Hannah and the Wardrobe of Adventure: Because it's impossible to save the world if you're not perfectly dressed!

Sorcerers' Skirmish: You know, where I come from, ice doesn't defeat fire. It just melts.

Wheeler's Wild Ride: GOODNIGHT mr.coconut--wait, what do you mean I can't use the same joke twice in one article? Fine, I quit.

And since you seem not to appreciate my incredible comedic skills--that coconut is gold, I tell you! Gold!--I will be stopping now. I hope you've enjoyed this article! Good night! (Yes, I know it's not necessarily night where you're reading this. But it's night for me now. And anyway--poetic license. Or something. "Good night" sounds better than "Good whatever time it is for you now.")

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