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Paint Brushes for Villains


by whatever66

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Paint brushes. We’ve all seen them, wanted them, maybe even owned them. But few actually recognize their full potential. Sure, it’s nice to have a different look once in a while, but most people don’t realize just how helpful they could be when it comes to... I don’t know... world domination.

A villain(ess) could do some minor damage alone, but notice how all MAJOR villains have someone to do their dirty work. And paint brushes afford aspiring villains a perfect opportunity to acquire some minions! Just add a couple thousand neopoints, a handful of loyal (or unsuspecting) followers, and a secretive nighttime trip to the Rainbow Pool and tada! You’ve got some servants!

The difficult part is selecting just which paint brush to use. To accomplish this, one needs to ask oneself, “What attributes do I value in a servant?” Stealth? Power? Controllability? Inconspicuousness? Whichever you select, there is a paint brush out there that will perfectly suit your needs.

Once that question has been answered, it is time to select your paint brush of choice. Let’s review some of your options and which attributes they cover:

Zombie:

Zombie pets are fairly easy to control, being as brainless (literally) as they are. They are also very efficient in adding innocent neopets to their night-walking ranks. Be warned, however; if improperly controlled, they might decide that YOUR brain is the next target on their list.

Shadow:

Shadow pets have stealth on their side. They can slip around in the night undetected and their stark coloring inspires fear during the daylight hours. Shadow pets also tend to be very cunning. Just make sure that they are fully dedicated to you, or you might just find that your prized possessions have... vanished.

Ghost:

Ghostly pets come with many advantages. They can pass easily through solid objects and are a symbol of terror to the general public. They also can never die; when “destroyed”, they disappear and then reincarnate back into their ghostly forms. They can be controlled, as well, and merely creating them is an evil act itself. But watch out for a certain armed Wocky, *coughMAGAXcough* because he seems to be particularly good at destroying the floating undead.

Halloween:

Ah, the frightening prospect of Halloween-painted neopets. The grotesque, threatening and horrifying looks of these pets will scare most any civilian out of their wits. Each species has slightly different results, each with its own varying degree of scariness. This being said, a villain interested in Halloween pets should carefully consider their species selections; some Halloween pets pose no threat at all, while others may become so corrupted with power that they no longer feel a need to serve anyone but themselves.

Fire:

Fire-painted pets have a way with being destructive. They can burn down buildings and explode away doors with minimal effort. They are also very intimidating... after all, those who “play with fire are bound to get burned”! In effect, insulting them is never the wisest of decisions an evil mastermind could make.

Tyrannian:

These oafish thugs not only pack a powerful wallop, but are extremely feeble-minded and often serve a master without their conscious awareness. They are easy to bend to one’s will; just toss something sparkly into their path and they will be hypnotized into doing your bidding! But if they don’t like something, watch out. Crazily-swinging clubs know no masters.

Baby:

Only a TRULY evil villain would play the Baby card, and only the toughest of the truly evil could find success in it. A perfect secret weapon, baby pets are innocent-looking but extremely easy to corrupt. And once corrupted, there is no changing them back. To top it all off, even the most hard-hearted of heroes find they just CAN’T hurt anything so cute and helpless. If you decide to take this route, however, I suggest investing in a pair of earplugs; a baby pet’s crying is the number one cause of insanity among Neopians.

Invisible:

Invisible pets are excellent at pulling all sorts of sneaky pranks and carrying out schemes. They can get away with almost anything, and best of all, if they are caught, they can never be identified by appearance! However, invisible minions may not be the best idea for those who have little trust in their followers... or those who like to be able to SEE who they have enslaved.

Pirate:

Ferocious looks, hardened demeanor, and a love of riches make Pirate pets and optimal choice for villains. They're skilled in swordplay, nautical navigation, and obeying their captain. Be on your guard, though. Pirates also have a traitorous side. If their share isn't paid, their needs met, or their satisfaction complete, few will hesitate on the point of mutiny.

Still dissatisfied with the options available through PBs? Then, toss that brush aside and pay a visit to the Secret Laboratory. With a few minor adjustments, an evil genius can rig the ray into producing new styles of followers.

Robot:

Robot pets are probably one of the most successful styles of minions ever created. Possessing high sensory capability, a programmable mind chip, a lack of feeling and emotion, and virtual indestructibility, Robot pets can create a formidable army. They even self-destruct when captured, reprogrammed, or interrogated! They aren't the most thoughtful pets, however, and can sometimes be out-maneuvered by quick thinking.

MSPP:

Oooh, what could be creepier than a demented plushie pet? MSPPs are sneaky, cunning, and evil to the core. With burning eyes and needle-sharp fangs, these pets broadcast horror to all who know of them. Pray that these pinnacles of evil remain faithful... when bored with servitude, these pets tend to turn on their previous masters. You don't want to wake up in the dead of night with one of THOSE towering over you!

There are many nice types of followers for villains to choose from. In fact, even basic-colored pets can make good slaves with a little persuading. But there are some colors that must be avoided at all costs. The top four, listed from fourth to agonizingly non-evil, are paint jobs that will send any villain's plans into a vertical nosedive.

Fourth Place - Cloud:

These pets not only lack evilness of color, but they're so... airy and relaxed! No villain in their right mind wants an airhead for a slave!

Third Place - Royal:

High maintenance, hoity-toity, and self-centered, Royal pets are the opposites of good followers. YOU are the one in charge, not them! Unfortunately, most Royal Neopets never fully grasp the idea.

Second Place - Darigan:

You may be surprised to see Darigan pets listed as one of the worst colors. But think closely; why would you want a slave who has already pledged allegiance to an enemy super-villain? Though excellent in look and mind-frame, these pets could actually be a THREAT. After all, only one can rule the world, and there's no contest on whom they'd support!

And first place goes to...*drumroll*

PINK!:

These pets are CONSTANTLY happy, optimistic, carefree, and... SMILEY. The color of their fur alone will send any remotely evil villain into a panicked frenzy. Cheerful and distinctly NON-EVIL, any villain who selects these pets as their minion of choice may no longer be considered a villain. Maybe the term "faerie princess" would be more appropriate?

As I'm sure you are all aware, there are many other not-so-great colors, just as there are other not-so-bad ones. Now that you have this information, what are you waiting for?! Get out there and CONQUER THE WORLD!

Disclaimer: whatever66 is in no way responsible from the antics or behaviors of any mindless or evil-doing Neopets. ESPECIALLY if they rat her ou- I mean, FRAME her. For something she had no part in. Whatsoever. *coughstartthecarcough*

 
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