Preparing Neopia for the Meepits Circulation: 181,174,633 Issue: 433 | 5th day of Running, Y12
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Stepdown: The Case for a New Ruler


by madjrium

--------

We generally look upon Faerieland with a sense of awe. The cloud in the sky seems to be perfect in every way, culminating with Fyora, one of the most well-known faeries. A random neopet off the street would probably describe her using lines like "perfect" and "ancient".

One of those is correct. It's not the first.

Now I backpedal out of the pitchfork-forest I just got myself into. This isn't an attack on the queen's character, no; she's had enough of that. Think of this as sympathetic, in fact. Now, we all know Fyora has the best interests of Neopia in heart. Anyone who doubts that isn't looking at the big picture. You can't run a massive population of faeries on good will alone, though, and for the most part, the queen is an excellent monarch. I should say "was", actually. All the history books have nothing but praise for her.

The modern ones don't. Sure, there's plenty of love, but there have been a few tears in an otherwise perfect fabric. Avid critics are outraged over the Dark Faeries, particularly their corruptive magic. In the past, Fyora kept a tight leash on them, but now, many Battledome participants are infected. The queen has turned a blind eye to this, from all observation.

Generally, her sense of judgement has declined, and short-sightedness has grown. The queen has this strange habit of summoning pets and pet owners to Faerieland for whatever reason, and the quests she gives out are micromanaged. Why does the queen have time to block someone from visiting the Shop Wizard? Come on, that little JubJub works all day. Maybe I just want to give him a hug. Erm, getting off-topic.

The point is not to slander Fyora. Seriously, bear with me; I'm getting to the point. The queen's actions in modern Neopia don't make much sense--a beauty product line? Hiding a tower that's supposed to raise money? Further, her demeanor has gone sour, as anyone visiting the tower will tell you. Further again, the queen is easily manipulated. If you’re a regular reader of the Neopian Times--if you aren’t, why did you start with this article?--you’ve heard about various tales in which conflict arises from Fyora’s mediation. A high-profile example is the tale of Baelia. Now known as the Grey Faerie, you’ll find her on the streets sometimes. The origin story is inconsistent to say the least, but most of them note that the tragedy has gone through Fyora, somehow. All I can say to this is: Huh? Why were such drastic measures taken?

More backpedaling from the pitchfork mob. The queen isn't mean--I'd call it "jumpy" or "strict".

One last thing: approval ratings. Let's ignore Dark and Light Faerie votes, which are almost always bad and good, respectively. The oldest record in the Faerieland Library has Fyora's approval rating at a solid 90%...then it declines. Two thousand years later, it's 85%. Another five thousand, it's 80%. Fast forward to, say, the unveiling of Shenkuu, and you get something in the seventies.

Alright, here's the point: Fyora needs to retire.

Now I backpedal so hard I'm likely to break my metaphorical bike. She's still a great leader, but her expiration date is looming fast. Judging by her nonsensical actions, and a psychological profiling (you have no idea how hard that was to get a copy of), the stress of countless millenia of rulership is getting to her. The queen isn't insane yet, but who wants to take the chance of letting her go that far? Everyone would be better off if we had a new ruler before she cracks and starts throwing artifacts down a well or something.

Who should take her place, though? The new ruler has to have experience. They have to be good at heart and as resilient as Fyora's mind was. In addition, they must be a faerie, because no one else will be alive long enough before we have to put the purple Unstable Slime back on. Does anyone fit these requirements? There's one: Siyana. The light faerie currently part of Altador's council is almost perfect for the job. I doubt she would mind stepping up.

And what about Fyora, if we decide to displace her? Assuming she has a meager 100,000 NP per year of service--and considering the Faerieland treasury, that's scratching a few Slothite atoms off the surface--that would total to at least one billion neopoints. Think about that number for a bit. Yes, I’m saying the queen has been on the throne for at least 10,000 years--and considering she predates even the oldest of faerie memories, there’s probably one or two extra zeroes on the end. I won’t bore you with the math, but assuming my conservative estimate is correct, she’d get about 27,400 neopoints a day in interest alone. At the other end, assuming Fyora is old enough to have witnessed an ice age, that number creeps up into the millions. That’s a lot of money for the National Neopian to give out--but with so much in its treasury, it would have practically unlimited loaning power. See, Fyora’s retirement could benefit everyone. Plus, she could comfortably live off of interest in the National Neopian, forever--she could retain the palace lifestyle, without the palace.

If Neopia insists on keeping her on the throne, though, we’d have to organize something to help her out. I suggest adding a small council, probably with Siyana, to compensate for the queen’s aging mind. Add onto that some stress medicines: I don’t want to expose this thing I have any more, but according to the pyschoprofile thingie, it would work to keep her stable. Running Faerieland, under this system, would be slower but more solid. Then again, this stinks of an unnecessary middleman. If you’re going to rely on a council and shoving chemicals into the queen, why bother with her?

So, to conclude: Fyora should step down, for her sake and ours, and invite Siyana to the throne. That, or add a helper group.

And put those pitchforks away. Please.

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Pwned by the Lab
Wanna become prettier than Fernypoo?

by boogiepopphanton

---------

Gadgadsbogen
"I have never been to a Gadgadsbogen Festival, ever. Everyone says that it's the one thing you need to see at least once in your lifetime."

by rhosymedre

---------

Neopian Life
Neezles? Itchy Scratchies?

by kaiyo_uchiha

---------

Apostrophes Save Brains
I'd like to think that Calcifern's smarter than that, but maybe not...

by breloomy



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.