Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 177,520,932 Issue: 428 | 29th day of Sleeping, Y12
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Say "Ahhhhh..."


by black_skull725

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Neopians do not know much about me. Some of them do not believe I exist, while some cringe when they have to pay me a visit. Then only on a few occasions do Neopians really want to see me. Truth is, nobody likes my profession very well. Nevertheless, the Neopians need me. I am Neopia’s finest dentist. I am the Tooth Faerie. If that doesn’t have a nice enough ring to it, my real name is Floria.

     Like I said, nobody likes to pay me a visit very often. They fear that I’ll find out that they have terrible dental hygiene. Perhaps they fear my scepter that doubles as a tooth drill. Whatever it is, staying away from me is only going to make things worse. So I’m here to give a rundown of my typical day. That way Neopians will understand that I’m not that scary. My job is not to yank and drill holes in teeth. My job is to make Neopia smile. So please, just give me a chance. This, here, is my typical day.

     At the break of dawn, I arose to the sunrise, about the same time Fyora got up for her day. After my morning routine of eating breakfast, flossing, brushing teeth, gargling mouthwash and checking my smile, I checked my appointments for the day.

     “Ahh, so we have a Grarrl named Geo, a Jetsam named Buizel, a Hissi named Ryley, Jhudora, and the Faerie Queen herself. Today is going to be a wonderful day,” I said joyfully.

     At around nine o’clock in the morning, a blue Grarrl stumbled into the waiting room. He, like most of Neopia, looked rather unhappy coming into my office.

     “Hello, good morning. Are you ready for your annual cleaning?”

     “Yeah, please make this quick. I have a job at the employment agency,” Geo replied irritably.

     “I’ll do my best to get you out of here as soon as possible. Have a seat here now and open wide.”

     The Grarrl opened his enormous mouth. So I strapped on a headtorch and grabbed the largest tooth-scraper I could find. Then I stuck my head into his mouth.

     “Hmm... I take that you just ate? You have many random things in your teeth. What, umm... did you eat, if you don’t mind me asking?”

     “Umm... some Beef Rouladen, a Blumaroo Steak and uh... half of a meepit plushie, the head to be specific.”

     “Do you floss?”

     “No, I haven’t any time to waste on flossing.”

     “You ought to start.”

     I began to scrape his teeth, starting from the sides and moving slowly toward the middle. Suddenly, Geo’s mouth began to water and his jaws began to shake. I immediately pulled my head out. Geo’s mouth snapped shut an instant later.

     “Sorry, Geo, this is taking longer than usual. I would appreciate it if you opened up again.”

     Geo’s face turned bright red.

     “This is why I don’t like visiting the dentist. I can’t keep my mouth open that long without getting hungry.”

     “Well, we better rinse out then.”

     Grabbing a large sized hose, I sprayed every single one of Geo’s teeth until they were sparkling clean. Then with a small circular brush, I shined them even further with tooth polish.

     “Alright, we’re done, Geo. You may head off to where you are heading off. Thanks for coming.”

     “Do I have to come back next year?”

     “Yes, you must. I’ll see to it that you receive a timely reminder,” I said, smiling and waving goodbye.

     With a quick wave of my scepter, the tools I used became sparkling clean again, ready for the next patient. Buizel, a red Jetsam, came in rather sadly.

     “Oh, Floria. My teeth have worn down and it’s impossible to chew food comfortably now. Is there anything you can do for me?” Buizel cried.

     “First I’ll have to clean them, but then I have tools to sharpen those teeth. How’d they get worn down anyway?”

     “Well, ever since the discovery of that Moltara place, Neopians have dumped chunks of metal and obsidian rock into the sea. We Jetsams like to chew on anything floating around and, well, I developed this habit of chewing on those things. My poor teeth have worn down.”

     “You ought to stop chewing on random things, Buizel, unless you want to come back here every month for a sharpening.”

     “I just can’t help it. Jetsams just chew on anything.”

     “Open wide and say ‘Ahhhhh!’”

     “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”

     Other than the dull teeth, Buizel’s mouth looked rather healthy. Jetsams have a second row of teeth to allow them a better bite. With the tooth scraper, I cleaned between his two rows of teeth. Working on a Jetsam’s teeth was admittedly scary, though not as scary as a Grarrl’s teeth. Perhaps I was just afraid that day because Geo already tried to bite me.

     After cleaning all the junk out of Buizel’s teeth, I pulled out a special tooth file used to sharpen teeth.

     “This won’t hurt but it’ll feel strange, especially when I have to apply tons of pressure to sharpen your teeth.”

     Slowly but surely, Buizel’s teeth began to get sharper again. It was a tedious job but fun at the same time.

     “Alright, go ahead and bite this pillow.”

     SNAP! Buizel sank his newly sharpened teeth into the pillow, nearly slicing the pillow in half.

     “Oh wow, looks like a job well done.”

     “Thanks, Floria, but what if my teeth get dull again?”

     I handed Buizel a pocket sized tooth file.

     Just as Buizel disappeared out the door, an angry Jhudora stomped in.

     “Why do I even have to come to this dreadful place? It’s so clean and too pretty. Gahh. Hurry up, Floria, I’ve quests to give away!” Jhudora complained.

     Smiling back at Jhudora, I placed a larger mask over my face. I knew Jhudora always had a problem with her breath.

     “Open wide, Jhudy!”

     “Don’t you dare call me that!”

     “Whatever, just open up.”

     Jhudora opened up her mouth and at that instant, I realized she needed a deep cleaning.

     “Uhm. Jhudora, you have a few cavities. I’m going to have to fill those up along with deep cleaning. Would you like a pain-dulling spell?”

     “Do what you need to do; I haven’t any time for your ridiculous questions.”

     Jhudora was indeed a real grump, but I never let that get me down. By maintaining a joyful attitude, I hoped some of my attitude would rub off on Jhudora. Perhaps it made no difference and Jhudora could never change. However, it didn’t hurt to try. I smiled at Jhudora again and brought out my scepter to cast a dulling spell. Jhudora appeared relaxed after the spell.

     I muttered another spell and the tip of the scepter grew pointier and then started spinning quickly.

     “Open up, Jhudora. It shouldn’t hurt that much anymore with the dulling spell you’re under.”

     She had three cavities from eating all that poison candy that she readily gives out to other Neopians, despite my constant urging. Slowly and steadily, I held the scepter and drilled into the infected teeth, trying my best to remove all the damage. Jhudora began to squirm a bit.

     “Hold still, Jhudora, I’m nearly finished. It’s not hurting too badly, is it?”

     “Oh shush! I don’t feel pain.”

     “Surrrre, Jhudy. That’s why you’re squirming.”

     When I had finished drilling, I squeezed the end of the scepter, filling the holes back up with... well, with filling, of course.

     “Are we done?”

     “No we’re far from done. I’m afraid I have to deep clean the rest. It might fix your breath problem.”

     At that, Jhudora grew very angry.

     “I do not have a breath problem! Don’t you dare take my green breath away! That’ll ruin me!”

     “Be reasonable Jhudora. If I don’t fix your teeth, they’ll all fall out.”

     “Then let them fall out! Isn’t that what all you faeries want?”

     “Jhudora, you’re one of us, even if you are a dark faerie.”

     “Oh really? Suuure.”

     “We really do care about you, Jhudora.”

     “You’re just saying that. You’re all so fake. At least dark faeries speak their mind. You know what, forget it. I want to keep my green breath!”

     At that moment, Fyora walked in early for her appointment.

     “Sit back down, Jhudora. We aren’t finished yet.”

     “No! I want my green breath!”

     “Sit down, Jhudora, and listen to Floria,” Fyora commanded.

     “Fine, your highness. Anything you say,” Jhudora replied in a sarcastic tone.

     “I mean it, Jhudora!”

     Jhudora sat back down and remained silent as I scraped all the junk off her gumline and then her teeth. Her teeth were so bad that I had to clean off the instruments twice to make sure I wasn’t just spreading her plaque around her teeth. After rinsing out her mouth with mouthwash and water, I had effectively eliminated her green breath.

     “Gahh! Now what will everyone think of me? You’ve killed my signature green breath!”

     “They’ll think of you as a nice dark faerie. See you soon, Jhudora.”

     I smiled back at the scowl Jhudora wore. She finally stepped out of the room in disgust and left, muttering to herself about how she was going to get her green breath back soon.

     Meanwhile, I invited Fyora in.

     “Well, hello, Fyora. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

     “Floria, I have a toothache and it’s been bugging me for quite a while. Do you mind taking a look at it for me?”

     “Yes, of course, Fyora; anything for the Faerie Queen. Are you brushing your teeth twice daily, might I ask?”

     “You know very well that I am a busy faerie. I don’t have time for...”

     “Really, Fyora? You can’t take two minutes in the morning and the evening to brush?”

     Fyora didn’t quite appreciate being interrupted, though.

     “Don’t tell me what to do, please. Just fix my toothache,” she said irritably.

     “Yes, Fyora, if you insist.”

     I examined Fyora’s teeth for a while and noticed a tooth that was nearly rotted away.

     “Umm, Fyora, I have some bad news. You’re going to need a root canal,” I said finally.

     “Why would I need a root canal?”

     “Because your brushing habits are horrible, and as a result of neglect, one of your teeth is infected to the core.”

     “I thought I told you that I didn’t need advice.”

     “Really, Fyora? Don’t you think you would be wasting more time coming here each time you have a toothache? Don’t you think you should take my advice just this one time and fix your brushing problem? A root canal is a longer procedure than brushing your teeth properly.”

     Fyora sighed and nodded.

     “Yes, Floria, I’m sorry for brushing your advice aside. I should be brushing my teeth instead.”

     I nodded and then gave Fyora a pain-dulling spell. I then turned my scepter into a drill once again and drilled into her tooth. I then whispered another spell and the tip of the scepter turned into a brush. I slowly inserted the brush and removed the rest of the pulp in the tooth.

     “What color crown would you like?”

     “Lavender, of course, and it had better be shiny too.”

     I filled the rest of the tooth and glued the crown onto Fyora’s cleaned tooth.

     “You are free to go, my queen. Oh and you’ll probably want this,” I said, giving Fyora a large pink toothbrush.

     “Do I seriously have to now?” Fyora whined.

     “Yes, Fyora, unless you want another root canal. Don’t forget; eat soft foods like jelly for a few days.”

     Fyora smiled, tipped her crown, and left.

     At that moment, it came time to close up shop. For the rest of the day, I went to pay random Neopians neopoints for their lost teeth. I only go to pets that believe in the tooth faerie, of course. The ones that don’t believe in me don’t appreciate me.

     For those Neopians that are still afraid of the dentist, please don’t be scared. Realize that most visits aren’t that bad. Jhudora is an extreme and as long as Neopians don’t eat her candy, they will be fine. I’m only trying to help; I’d never be that dentist that drills for the sake of drilling and watching Neopets writhe and scream. Nope, I’m just a caring faerie that looks out for Neopia’s smiles. After all, without smiles, Neopia would be a rather depressing place. So say, “Ahhh!” and give me a smile. I’ll be happy to give mine.

The End

 
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