Top Ten Beauty Myths Revealed!
Hello, darlings! This is Angelwind the brown Uni. I’m sure you already know who I am, so there’s no need for introductions... what? You’ve never heard of me? Oh. Well, I am Angelwind the Uni... what? I’ve already said that? Oh.
Well, anyways, I’ve been hearing a lot of beauty tips and tricks floating around. Some are true, but most are just, well, COMPLETELY WRONG. So which beauty myths are true and which are false? That’s what I’m about to find out! You want to know how to look your best? Just read on!
Beauty Myth #1: Unis are the most vain of all neopets.
I hear this all the time, and I have to say, it’s incredibly insulting! But is it true? To find out, I surveyed over two hundred of my closet Uni friends. I discovered that 38% of Unis spend more than four hours a day at home in front of the mirror, while 43% visit the local Grooming Parlor for all their daily beauty needs. The remaining 19% refused to answer the survey because they were getting their hooves polished.
So does this mean that Unis are vain? NO! It means that we are... hygienic. Yes, because Unis put in so much effort in grooming themselves, we should be known as Neopia’s CLEANEST pets, NOT the most vain!
Beauty Myth #2: Brush your mane one hundred times a day to maintain shiny, healthy hair.
This is probably the most common beauty misconception, but ask any hairdresser: It is NOT true! One hundred brush strokes will NOT make it healthy, shiny, soft, smooth, and/or grow faster! In fact, it will lead to hair breakage and you will end up with lackluster, brittle hair. And that is sooo not “in”.
So how do you achieve beautiful hair? You must brush it one THOUSAND times a day. That’s right, you heard me. If you stop at one hundred, your hair will be horribly damaged. But somewhere in the eight-hundred-fifties, your locks suddenly come back to life. Now, brushing your mane one thousand times a day can be an exhausting process, but it is a must if you want soft, flowing hair. To build up endurance, I highly recommend upper arm exercises three times a week.
Beauty Myth #3: All natural beauty products are better than synthetic.
Factory-made beauty products have unnecessary artificial colorings and fragrances added to make it more attractive to customers. However, these chemicals are doing NOTHING for you. In fact, for people with sensitive skin, these chemicals could become potential irritants or allergens.
The good news is, there are plenty of all-natural products on the markets. I recommend Herbal Shampoo (great for deep-cleansing), Coconut Cold Cream (has a lovely tropical scent!) and Honey Lotion (made with real honey). Now if you choose to use these products, please do not lick/taste/eat them. Just because they are made of natural ingredients does NOT make them tasty snacks. In fact, grooming products are almost always poor in nutrition and lacking in flavor.
Beauty Myth #4: You should always match your nail color to your outfit.
I see this all the time—pets wearing bright orange and blue shirts and matching claw/hoof/paw polish. This is a no-no for many reasons: First, orange and blue is incredibly clashy. Second, it is a pain to change your nail polish every single day. (I mean, that’s assuming that you wear something different every day, of course.) You could be using that time for something more useful, like brushing your mane one thousand times, as stated above.
So what IS acceptable? Neutral colors and black and white go with almost anything, so it’s a good choice if you are looking for a low-maintenance manicure. However, what is really “in” right now is matching nail colors and your accessories. Yes, I’m talking handbags, jewelry, and shoes. Got a bright red purse? Matching ruby hooves will complete your outfit. How about a bejeweled necklace? Get those same jewels studded on your claws. You will look fabulous, darling!
Beauty Myth #5: Beauty sleep is essential.
That’s right, I said it. “Beauty sleep” is a myth. Lack of sleep gives you dark under-eye circles and pale, colorless skin—the “Grey Faerie Look”, which is very “in” right now. Plus, it’s not like you’ll have any time to sleep, anyways. Being beautiful is a FULL-TIME job, you know!
Beauty Myth #6: Dry skin causes wrinkles.
I know many neopets who moisturize day and night to prevent wrinkles, but the truth is, wrinkles are caused by... excessive smiling. Yes, they don’t call them “laugh lines” for nothing! So what should you do if you want your face to be baby smooth forever? Don’t laugh. Not ever. Not even a teensy weensy, little curve of a smile. Even if someone tells you a funny joke. Even if someone tells you a lame joke. Note: Keeping a blank, expressionless face may result in fewer friends and no fun in life. But it’s worth it, right?
Beauty Myth #7: Cheap beauty products work just as well as expensive ones.
Most of the time, inexpensive products have the same ingredients as the big-name brands. The only difference is the fancy packaging and signature scent. And thus, they all work just about the same. But I recommend buying brand name products anyways. Why? Because you don’t want to look like a cheap-o, that’s why! By choosing luxurious products, you are announcing to the world that you have HIGH STANDARDS and won’t settle for just anything.
Beauty Myth #8: Your hair will grow faster if you get frequent trims.
Ahh, another hair-related beauty myth. I asked my hairdresser, and she told me that this is downright false. That’s right, folks, no matter if you are trimming your hair, participating in a marathon, or playing Dice-a-Roo, your hair will grow at the same speed. But frequent trims are recommended anyways to get rid of split ends and keep your locks in top condition. Plus, it’s just another excuse to visit the Grooming Parlor! Yaay.
Well, actually, there IS one thing that will make your hair grow faster: Dung Masks. It’s a very old home remedy, but effective nonetheless. Simply take two or three piles of dung, depending on how long your hair is, add a few sprigs of mint, and cake it all over your mane and tail. Leave it in for a half hour, and carefully rinse it out. This works because dung contains many nutrients that will nurture your locks and make it soft and healthy. And don’t worry, you’ll get used to the smell.
Beauty Myth #9: Being pretty will make you popular.
Everybody thinks that if you are pretty, you will instantly be popular. But this is not the case. In fact, it is usually the complete opposite. Pretty pets have no friends because their extreme beauty intimidates the average-looking pets. The average-looking pets, fueled by jealousy, may even become resentful towards them. Jealousy is a very, very ugly thing, no pun intended.
So if you are a victim of hateful looks and constant whispers behind your back, remember to always hold your head high! Because your face looks better in that light.
If you’re really desperate for some friends, I recommend suddenly coming into a large inheritance. Rich Neopians are almost always surrounded by friends.
Beauty Myth # 10: The—
Whoa! Is that the time? I’m late for my appointment at the Grooming Parlor! Sorry, darlings, but it’s time for my weekly facial. I hope you learned something from me today. This is Angelwind the Uni, signing out!
Note from Thorndie: o.O Err, I wouldn't suggest following any of Angie's recommendations. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a really nice Uni and all, but, well D: She's a little, errrm, eccentric. Yeah, that's it, eccentric. Anyways, I'm not responsible for anything, okay?