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Stalking Sloth

by autotune



1.30 PM: This is Agent 009.

     But you can call me Lynn. Just don’t call me Esterlynne. People will know.

     What you are currently reading is a top secret account of my top secret mission. I hope no one is reading this, but if you are... keep it a secret.

     My mission: to tail Dr Frank Sloth (the Target) around Neopia. And that’s all I can say about right now. My mission is, after all, top secret.

     I shall stop here for today. I need to pack, plus this pen is running out of ink. I must run by the General Store later.


     9.10 AM: I am going to update this every day, following the example of my peers. Keeping day to day records of missions is very in right now.

     Almost finished packing! I am bringing only the essentials on my stalking trip: lipstick, mirror, brushes, etc.

     10.00 AM: Finished packing!

     4.20 PM: I just went shopping to buy special stalking apparel. Bought lots of dark clothes: coat, hat, shirts, skirts, etc. I also picked up a pair of Censor Bar Glasses for the classic espionage look. I will be leaving my Royal Girl cloaks behind – too conspicuous. Bringing Peophin Desperado set instead.

     I am so excited! Tomorrow I will begin my Sloth stalking mission. From what his planner says, he will be at the Lost Desert tomorrow.

     I will sleep early.


     9.00 AM: Mission has officially started!

     I feel very self-important right now. Following the Target very stealthily.. and secretly. Mhm.

     Argh!! Target glanced at my direction! So glad for quick reflexes. I was able to duck behind a pillar of some sort and was not spotted.

     Target is wearing his signature long black cloak. This is very normal for Target. Target often wears it.

     9.10 AM: Target just walked into the Fruit Machine tent! I tried to squeeze discreetly in but turns out that pillar thing I’d just ducked behind was actually Coltzan’s Shrine. Uh-oh. Coltzan doesn’t look too happy.

     9.15 AM: Hands glowing blue.

     9.17 AM: Hands still blue.

     9.20 AM: Ack! Lost sight of target.

     Hands no longer blue.

     10.00 AM: Found Target. I just followed him into Osiri’s pottery tent. The tent is small, poorly lit and smells of roasted Grackle bug. I will hide behind that large vase—Target is busy examining a plate of some sort. Yawn.

     10.35 AM: Argh!! Fell asleep! Osiri doesn’t look too happy. She found me drooling into an “ancient vase” of “value”.

     10.37 AM: Uh-oh. I just broke three plates in a hurry to locate the Target. I feel rather broke myself, now.

     11.00 AM: I have sand stuck in my hooves! Been searching the entire Lost Desert for any sign of the Target but to no avail. You’d think it’d be easy spotting an evil criminal mastermind wearing his signature long black cloak. Nope.

     11.17 AM: Need... water. Why did I pack cookies and sandwiches but no water? They are all covered in sand now.

     11.20 AM: Where is the food tent?

     11.22 AM: Is there a food tent?

     11.30 AM: My mane is all sand-sticky and clumpy. No self-respecting Royal Peophin would be caught dead looking like this. Just as well no one I know is around here... wait, is that Nixzhe...?

     I shall sneak off discreetly.

     11.38 Just talked to Nixzhe. She was very nice and gave me a cup of water. Her owner, though, insists on taking me back to the Neolodge. I told her I was on a top-secret mission. She asked me where my owner was. I said that she visits every couple of weeks. After that she gave me this pitying look. I have that effect on people sometimes. Before we said goodbye she gave me a can of Neocola.

     I will drink it later.

     3 PM: I have managed to track the Target down again! He was at the Fruit Machine tent. He won a Paint Brush, so I watched intently to see if there were any hidden messages being passed around. I didn’t see any but it could be hidden inside the Brush—I read that happening in the Neopian Times once. I couldn’t get close enough to take a look, though. Too crowded.

     I won a Tchea Fruit!

     6.00 PM: Back at the Neolodge. Today was a rather successful day: except for the Osiri incident, but you win some, you lose some, I suppose. Tomorrow will be even better—Target is visiting Meridell: presumably to see his old pal Kass? His planner didn’t specify.

     I will be there to see it! Ha!

     Neocola in a can is very good.


     8.00 AM: Woke up extra early today for this! I am now at the world-renowned Meridellian Potato counting stall! Target isn’t expected to show till 10, so I have two hours to explore Meridell’s sights and sounds. Marvelous!

     8.30 AM: That horrid Kacheek made me count 11827 potatoes! Then he insisted there were 11828! This is infuriating.

     I know. I will go to the Extreme Potato Counting stall instead.

     8.39 AM: The Extreme Potato Counting Wocky seems very friendly! I am ready to begin.

     8.45 AM: Owwwwwwwwwwww.

     8.46 AM: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

     9.00 AM: I can barely walk. I ended up counting bruises instead of potatoes. Owww.

     Curse those potatoes! I know. I will go to Pick Your Own and participate in a leisurely berry picking session not remotely related to potatoes, carrots or pain. Brilliant!

     9.10 AM: Just found first berry! Half-eaten, but I cannot be too picky in such matters.

     9.25 AM: Just found my second pile of dung! I am a very accomplished berry-picker now.

     9.40 AM: I keep getting strange looks from the Gelert over there. He keeps eyeing my dung-filled basket. I wonder if he’ll trade for Aquaberries?

     Yuck! Found a stinky old boot! I discarded it immediately. Somehow the Gelert’s face ended up right at the place the boot landed... oops?

     9.55 AM: I have just left Pick Your Own! My basket contained:

  • Pile of Dung x2
  • Half-Eaten Berry x1 (Had 2, ate half of the other)
  • Pusberry x1
  • Bit of Barbed Wire x1 (Very useful)
  • Mortog Berry x1

     Not bad at all!


     10.10 AM: I am in the Cheeseroller queue. It is like twenty five Neopets long. I tried impressing upon the Techo who owns the place that I am on a top secret mission of utmost importance and that it is crucial to the survival of Neopia. I don’t know why he laughed!

     10.35 AM: Finally got to the top of the hill. I was forced to purchase a stinky lump of cheese before I could get up here. Now I smell bad and look really dumb. Plus the cheese was 300 NP.

     Where is the Target? Where is Kass? Don’t tell me they left... Oh, sweet Meepits, I let go of the cheese.’s rolling down the hill at an alarmingly fast rate.

     10.40 AM: I cannot believe this! The Techo says that I have to keep my cheese and take it back home because it sped down the hill in under one minute. Now I have to lug that thing around to my mission. Maybe I’ll have it for lunch... but first things first, find the TARGET!

     11.00 AM: Just found the Target. He’s at the Turdle Races - betting on Stinky, apparently. Ha! Stinky never wins! I will bet on Smelly.

     11.20 AM: Stinky won. No sign of Kass.

     12.30 PM: Target stopped for lunch at the Meridellian Food Shop. I got some Yeasty Bread. I hope the Target does not eat Draik Eggs.

     12.50 PM: Target is going back to Meri Acres Farm, Maybe Kass will show up at last! Target seems to be heading towards...

     The Rubbish Dump?

     12.55 PM: KASS JUST ARRIVED! About time!

     1.03 PM: I am witnessing history! Two of Neopia’s most famous villains are meeting in secret –possibly, most likely, discussing evil dastardly plots! Both of them look deeply engrossed in their conversation. Wait, wait, is Kass—

     1.10 PM: Kass nearly saw me! Thank Fyora I thought quickly and dove into the rubbish pile to conceal my presence.

     1.12 PM: Urgh, it’s so dark in here, I can barely write. Also it is very hard to see or hear Sloth and Kass now.

     I think I have a Zeenana Peel on my hand... I hope it is a Zeenana Peel.

     1.15 PM: Yawn. They’re still talking. Not sure what about.

     2.00 PM: Dozed off just a little bit. Target still talking to Kass, I think. I will sleep a bit more.

     4.00 PM: I shall peek out and have a look.

     4.01 PM: Where are they??

     4.10 PM: Just talked to the Rubbish Dump Kacheek: apparently Target left an hour and a half ago! But he has no idea where to! Potatohead.

     I know. I will go back to the Neolodge and call it a day. Target is going to Maraqua tomorrow according to the planner. Should be a slice of Chocopie for this Peophin – I have a home ground advantage.

     5.00 PM: Grabbed a hot dog from Hubert to make up for awful Yeasty lunch. I also purchased a can of Neocola.

     6.00 PM: Ack! Running out of funds! I have had to move to the ‘Roach Towers to save on expenses. My fellow boarders look a tad dodgy, but I will try to view everyone with an open mind and not be quick to judge. There is nothing wrong with staying at the Towers, after all. I am sure they are wonderful Neopians and not thieves or beggars like everyone else thinks.

     Target is staying at the Villa, though. Hmph.

     6.40 PM: Neocola before bed. Life is beautiful!


     11.00 AM: Gah!! Overslept! Oh well, Target is only due at Kelp in two and a half hours for lunch. Still have plenty of time. I will get dressed.

     11.20 AM: Where is my half-finished can of Neocola? Where is it?!

     11.25 AM: Those awful—! They stole my Neocola—!

     12.00 PM: I am now in Maraqua. The water is delightfully blue.

     I had to stop searching for my Neocola after the Neolodge security ‘escorted’ me out for ‘causing a disturbance in the main lobby’. I tried to explain about the half-finished Neocola but they were uncultured buffoons and did not understand its importance. Hmph. Anyway. I will wait patiently for the Target to appear and not allow my emotions to get in the way of the plan. It is too important.

     12.10 PM: I have ordered a salad. No sign of Target.

     12.20 PM: Salad is too spicy. Ordered a Lemwart Fizz. Still no sign of Target.

     12.25 PM: Lemwart Fizz has too much Lemwart and not enough Fizz. The Uni waitress looked at me strangely when I picked out the radish in the salad—Target just walked in!

     I have just had a brilliant idea. I amaze myself sometimes.

     12.35 PM: I am now inches away from the Target.

     12.40 PM: Bah, who knew it would be so hot under this tablecloth? I’m sweating Mortogs here.

     Sloth and unknown person are talking—whispering really. Sloth appears to be wearing pink socks under his cloak—the other guy seems to favour purple. Hmm.

     Time to start the Plan.

     Farewell, planner of Sloth!


     “What’s wrong, Frank? You look worried. I’d have thought you would be more excited now that the machine is working...” A distinctly feminine voice rose above the sounds of neighbouring tables.

      “Yes, well. I have a sneaking suspicion something’s not quite right...”

     “Not quite right?” the voice echoed. “But how? Kass has already agreed—”

     “—not with the plan! Something else. I have a strange feeling I’m being followed somehow...”

     “From what I’ve heard, the Defenders of Neopia know nothing about your return. Neither do those goons at the Space Station. You’re worrying too much, Frank.”

     “No, no, you don’t understand. My planner with all my meeting dates mysteriously disappeared a week ago. And I keep feeling someone behind me... a presence...” Sloth lowered his voice. “You don’t suppose it’s a stalker—”

     “Nonsense, Frank, I’m sure you’ve just misplaced that planner of yours.”

     Now was the time to reveal myself! And reveal myself I did, with a flourish. I yanked the tablecloth off the table. I stood up dramatically.

     Except that I sort of bumped my head on the table edge and had to crawl out from under the soup clutching my forehead.

     Sloth stared.

     The Darkest Faerie stared.

     “That... you’re... the one that’s...” Sloth grated out accusingly.

     “I am,” I said proudly.

     The Darkest Faerie raised an eyebrow, causing the napkins on the table to burst into flame. I winced. “You were following him? Do you work for the Defenders of Neopia?” She paused. “No, wait, don’t tell me you’re—”

     Now was the time to reveal my mission. My final goal was so close. I gripped the planner tight in sweaty palms and opened my mouth to address Dr Frank Sloth. The Target.

     “Can I have your autograph?” I blurted.

     “—a fangirl?”

The End

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