Up-to-date coverage on faerie wars Circulation: 170,315,394 Issue: 392 | 15th day of Hunting, Y11
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

The Best of Cheese

by emmabat_3


How is cheese important? I will tell you. We roll it down hills in Cheeseroller and even make lamps and other furniture from it. Cheese is one of Neopia's deepest traditions. Of course, there are so many cheeses; which are the best to have? My pets and I went around Neopia sampling cheeses to find the answer. Now, after stuffing ourselves with cheese and being banned by a lot of shopkeepers, we have come to the conclusion that these, in no particular order, are the ten best cheeses.

Cheese Pillow: This is one of the greatest cheese furniture ever created! Unlike the Cheese Lamp, you will not get electrocuted when you get hungry (Cheese Lamps hurt!), and it is very soft. Your head sinks into this tasty pillow, assuring a good night's sleep. However, you must be careful. Do not give small pets Cheese Pillows. If you do, they may wake up and find their pillow gone. Then they will run to you screaming that they have proof they DO have monsters under their bed, because look, those evil monsters ATE their pillow, they are probably next, and you will spend the next twenty three years of bedtime getting those evil, cheese-hungry monsters away. Then your neopet will realize that their pillow was made of cheese, and they probably ate it in their sleep. Otherwise, this is the perfect pillow.

Cheese Chair: Yes, more cheese furniture. After all, cheese is great when you can sit down and have a snack... oops, you're not sitting down anymore; you have eaten your chair! But when buying a Cheese Chair you must keep in mind that, when not in use, store in a cool, dry place where you keep all your other meltable things. Also, this is only a deck chair during the winter; heat is not this chair's friend. And don't sit in it too long because, well, humans and neopets are pretty warm. You'll probably find yourself on the floor surrounded by melty cheese. Oh well, now you can make nachos!

Cheese Bowl: This is not a bowl made of cheese. It is a bowl full of tasty cheese cubes. A Cheese Bowl is perfect for parties, because your guests can have any cheese they want, providing it is in this handy bowl. Cheddar, feta, and hopefully NOT Altadorian Sun Cheese make their way into this bowl. Plus, when all the cheese is gone, you have a pretty, decorative bowl. Hardly anything could beat this multipurpose cheese.

Strawberry and Cheese Milkshake: It is an interesting combination, but it tastes great! As a bonus, since not many people find this delicious, it is very inexpensive. Seedless strawberries blended with cheddar cheese make a pretty swirly pattern and it is topped with a classic striped straw. It is not likely you will find a leaf in your milkshake; however, when you do, it is another bonus. Have you ever eaten a milkshake-covered leaf? It actually tastes good, though no one would guess. Trust us, Strawberry and Cheese Milkshakes are delicious. How could any cheese be bad?

Sketch Cheese: This cheese may be a little less substantial than regular cheese, but what it lacks in dimension it makes up for in taste! Sketch Cheese is perfect for Sketch pets, but that doesn't mean that 3-D pets can't nibble on it too. Almost all the taste is in the pencil lines, but all that space in between has a light, airy taste. Though that is not really surprising, because, after all, the space between the pencil lines really is air. Sadly, just because it is called 'Sketch Cheese' does not mean you can just draw some up on a piece of paper. And it is kind of expensive (that's why when we, um, 'sampled' Sketch Cheese the shopkeeper made us leave and never come back again), so unfortunately this gourmet cheese is only for treats.

Cheese Jelly: It is jelly, and it is cheese. How could anything be better? It has the wiggly, cool texture of jelly and the mouth-watering taste of cheese. Also, this is one of those food items that has more than just one meal. But please, don't put half-eaten Cheese Jellies into your shop; that's actually a little gross. Besides, your pets will want to savor every bite of delicious Cheese Jelly. So make sure that when you go shopping, you pick up multiple Cheese Jellies. After all, you don't want your pets fighting over this tasty cheese concoction.

Fun Icy Cheese Pop: These cold, cheesy ice pops are perfect for any summer day when you are craving cheese. However, these seem to be rather rare. *burp* I wonder why. They sure are tasty, though. Of course, it could also be because, well, like Strawberry and Cheese Milkshakes, they do seem very strange. Fun Icy Cheese Pops can probably be found in the Happy Icy Fun Shop on top of Terror Mountain. Like anything else in Neopia, they could also be found with the help of the kind Shop Wizard. If you want to see it instead of buy it, you could also use the Search Neopets button, but really that has nothing to do with cheese.

Cherry Cheese Pizza: It is pizza with cherries, and, like just about every other pizza, is smothered in cheese. In addition to the decorative cherries on top, this pizza also has cherry filling in place of tomato sauce. With its chocolatey coating, this pizza makes a better dessert than anything else. But, thinking ahead, your pets might be too full by the end of their meal to even nibble the tip of one pizza slice! Just to be safe, you should probably feed your pets this pizza first. After all, if they don't sample this interesting, cheesy food, it would be disastrous!

Nachos and Cheese: Ah, the classic nachos! The cheapest way to get nachos is to have a bag of tortilla chips on hand when you sit down in your Cheese Chair to watch that eight-hour movie marathon and watch the commercials for NP, but it is easier to just buy a bag of nachos. Or maybe they come in a box. I don't really remember. They were all gone so fast... and then we were told never to come back to that store. Just remember, when buying Nachos and Cheese, remember to pay for them first. Other than before they are bought, nachos are good to eat any time.

Cheese!: To sum this up, cheese is great! There's a lot more than just ten superb cheeses, so to finish this, we had to just let out the truth: all cheese is the best! Really, if you go around Neopia sampling all cheese you stumble upon, it is impossible to make a top ten list. Maybe top 100 at the least. All cheese is wonderful, except for Cheese Lamps. Our hair stood on end for weeks! And trust me, biting a Cheese Lamp hurts. As a safety warning, DO NOT eat electrical cheese.

That concludes the best cheeses in Neopia! And again; this one cannot be stressed enough: DON'T EAT CHEESE LAMPS. Also, we suggest that you don't follow our example. If you have to sample cheese, please buy it first. Now there are quite a few shops- "Er, the exact number is three thousand." "Oh yeah, I forgot..." So there are three thousand shops we can't enter. For some reason we even got banned from Usuki Land... and the Grooming Parlor. Hmm... That concludes the best cheeses ever. Next week, you probably shouldn't bother coming back for the most dangerous cheese in the universe. You've probably guessed what that is. So don't eat Cheese Lamps. *silence* "Juju? Um, we're done recording." "Sorry." *click* This article was brought to you by cheese

place sponsor(s) here

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


The Lucky One
Ben was unlucky.

by cookie___crumbs


This Might Get Dicey...
A passing Blumaroo says...

by can_i_get_frozen


The Petpet Detectives: Case of the Yanked Yooyus - Part Eleven
He didn't take a seat, but waited rather awkwardly near the kitchen doorway.

He's waiting to make an escape, I thought.

by playmobil_is_my_life


Finding Kayla: Part One
"My, you're so different from your sister."

by fallingrain05

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.