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The Yurble Diaries

by lemonarra


16th day of Running, Y8,

Dear Diary,

     Some kid went poking around the Hall of Heroes today. I was there, dancing with my mop like usual, when some snotty-faced kid stuck her nose in. RAARGH! I can’t stand kids! And something about her gives me vibes. I can feel it with my trusty mop. Something’s going to happen, and soon.

     Not to mention the hall’s still so dark. And I still have to guard that confounded button. Perhaps getting this janitor job wasn’t the best idea.

     But then and again, the Lost Desert was so unbearably hot. And this hall is pretty, with nice statues. Too bad it’s so dimly lit.

     17th day of Running, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     RAARGH! So I was standing at my post like usual, and I was thinking about buying a lil’ companion at Legendary Petpets, when the stupid kid from yesterday interrupted me and pushed the button that I was instructed never to press! The button was apparently out of order, but still, I had to do something! I raised my mop and gave her a good lecture, that’s what! She scampered away quick, I tell you!

     Seeing that the button didn’t work, it got me curious. I hid a jar of oil and an old rag behind one of the pretty statues and after a while the wimpy kid came back and I had her do all the work for me. I hinted that she should try and get the gears working by greasing them. The kid actually had some brains and she scampered off to get to work.

     I loathe that kid now. The gears got loose and the ceiling opened up! The light streamed in and I felt like I was going to shrivel up and turn into soot. I grabbed my mop and flailed it around, yapping my head off. I hope tomorrow’s going be a better day, dear diary, I really do.

     P.S. Try taking Anger Management classes

     25th day of Running, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     Pesky kid came around today. She hadn’t been here for a while, so I was starting to think she wouldn’t come back. Huh, that teaches me to get my hopes high.

     Anyway, she went up those creepy stairs to the observatory. I had half a mind to call her back, but there weren’t any rules against her going up, more’s the pity.


     Kid ought to realize how lucky she is. I wish I had time to join a club. Not that I’d join the Astro-whatsit club. Stargazing just isn’t for me, although it is soothing. Ah, pretty twinkling little stars, how I wonder what they are...

     28th day of Running, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     The kid showed up again. Wonder what she wants. She just went up to that observatory and stayed up there for a while. Right before she came back with the widest smile I’ve seen, some of the gems above the statue of the Betrayer started to glow!

     Something’s definitely going on. The question is: what?


     30th day of Running, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     Arrgh. Everything’s been so-so these days. That kid wasn’t here for a while again, and all I do is clean, clean, clean, and clean, and keep my hopes up that she wouldn’t show up. But she DID.

     She looked happy and excited, and she headed straight up to that creepy observatory. I wonder what she does up there, really. Maybe tasks from that club she joined? More sparkly lights lit up after that daft kid’s visit. I wonder what it means...

     Bah, I should get a new job.

     1st day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     It’s April Fool’s Day, is it not? I always hated this holiday because I always was the one who got tricked by those cheap pranks.

     Anyway, the kid came in again on her regular visits. This time she didn’t head up to the observatory, though. I was going to give her a good lecture on wasting resources, but she was so absorbed at looking outside the window near that pretty Cybunny statue. Then the air-headed kid wandered out again.

     I headed over to the window and looked out. Nothing was there at all and I suspected something fishy. I looked down on the window sill and there were some faint dark-colored prints there. At that moment the ditzy kid came in and I screamed at her. "HEY! What's the big idea putting your grubby hands all over the windowsill?! I have to clean those things, you know! Were you raised in a barn?!" I figure it must’ve been a big prank because that kid just looked as happy as she did like the days before.

     What a weird kid. Also, more lights came up. I’M DYING FROM THE LIGHT OVER HERE!!

     2nd day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     My favourite underground dance club was closed down... BY THAT STINKIN’ ARCHIVIST! RAARGH!

     Ole Follies, my ninth cousin, suggested I get a petpet. They may be irritating little critters, and cost quite a bit, but I don’t have anything better to spend my money on anyway. And they’re kinda cute. So I got a Vaeolus.

     Here’s to hoping that he’ll chase that pesky girl away. I won’t put my money on it, though.

     8th day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     The kid came again. Seven days between her visit this time. I was beginning to wonder if something was finally going right and she’d left for good. And guess what? Not only did my Vaeolus fail to chase her away, he simply squeaked and fled to cower in the basement! He better not have jammed up those gears...

     The gems about Marak’s statue lit up. I always liked Marak. The sea is so calm, so peaceful... AND SO WAS THIS ROOM BEFORE THAT PESKY KID SHOWED UP! RAAARGH!

     Sweet Jerdana, let this be over soon...

     In the meantime, I have to chase this kid down. The light costs are going sky high and it’s all her fault... RAARGH!

     12th day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     RAGHHH! That good for nothing kid does nothing but ruin my mood! She came in all smiles today and I was so kind to ask her what she was so happy about, and guess what? She told me that she went to the Punch Club!

     Arrgh, why didn’t she take me along?! I wish I had some punch right now! More and more lights are coming on! The light costs are barely gonna fit into the hall! O Great Torakor, please come and teach this daft kid a lesson, please!

     17th day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     The kid looked awful pleased about something when she waltzed in this afternoon. I didn’t bother to ask why this time. Most likely she’d just say something to ruin my mood again... More gems lit up after she left too, above the Tax Collector guy this time.

     On a brighter note, I took my Vaeolus for a visit to my ninth cousin, Farmer Follies. Vaeolus seemed to like it there an awful lot. I just realized I hadn’t thought up of a name for him. Oh well, who cares. Everyone calls me Yurble Janitor Guy anyway.

     20th day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     My good old ninth cousin paid me a visit today! How nice. He told me about how a filthy kid skipped by his farm and messed with his windmill! “That no good, stinking kid messed with the gears and caused havoc on my farm! Good thing I had my pitchfork, Bob!” he declared. I figured it was the same meddling kid who had her visits here.

     Before old Follie left, he gave me a present- A book of Lenny Conundrums! I had to show my appreciation so I read it right away. I might look like the gruff, rude type but I assure you, dear diary, on the inside I am as sweet as a Faerie! I must’ve gotten carried away because I missed that pesky kid who snuck in and surprised me. I threw the book down and growled at her to shoo her away.

     I really want to go home and take a long bubble bath with my Yurble shampoo.

     21st day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,


     Where’s my Vaeolus anyway? One minute he was snoozing, and now he’s gone!

     Argh, now I’ll have to go look for that pesky critter...

     24th day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     Still no sign of Vaeolus! I’m getting worried... He’s young, he doesn’t know anything! He’ll just get himself injured and it’ll be me who pay his blasted medical bills!

     Why do I get the feeling that the pesky kid who pokes her face around so often has something to do with this?

     Getting paranoid in my old age, I think.

     27th day of Eating, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     RAGHH! My Vaeolus! He’s been missing for three days! This is agony! I reported it to the Petpet Protection League, and I’m expecting a reply, and soon. If I find out what happened to my little baby, the kidnappers are going to get it for sure. They’ll feel the wrath of my mop and janitor bucket, and the pain of my ninth cousin’s pitchfork! O great protector, Jerdana, look after my poor little Vaeolus...

     27th day of Eating, Y8 (later that day)

     Dear Diary, yet again,

     This fat Skeith dropped in after the pesky kid’s regular visits and delivered my poor little Vaeolus back! He said a strange looking kid was looking after it in the Archivist’s office. RAGH! That Archivist’s office is filthy and with that disturbing meepit plushie! My poor baby must be covered in germs! I’ll have to give it a nice bath with my special Yurble Shampoo, yes.

     Other than that good news, the Hall’s getting really bright. I wonder if anything will happen after all the lights come on. Maybe I’ll get a blessing from King Altador, or hundreds of riches! Then I can retire this stupid job and take Anger Management classes...

     13th day of Hunting, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     Ninth cousin Follies visited again, muttering something about losing his crops and flooded fields and the way farming isn’t done. Poor him. I bet that pesky kid had something to do with this. Everything happening around here seemed to be related to her.

     And sure enough, she visited again. It had been so long, I was hoping that she got kidnapped by Dr Sloth or something. As always, she headed up to that creepy observatory. How she stands it there, I don’t know, BUT SHE LEFT THE LIGHTS ON AGAIN! RAARGH! I CANNOT STAND WASTE!

     Where was I? Oh yes. Right before she came down, I was looking at those pretty twinkling lights, wondering which ones will light up this time when THEY ALL WENT OFF! THAT MAKES ME SO MAD! POKING AROUND THE HALL OF HEROES AND ANNOYING ME DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY! RAAARGH!

     1st day of Relaxing, Y8

     Dear Diary,

     RAGHHH! That stupid, blasted, pathetic kid came in again! AND THE LIGHTS ARE STILL OFF! I was so angry that I grabbed my mop and decided to whap her over the head, but she ran off to that dingy observatory! A while later a head pops out of the ceiling and I knocked my janitor bucket over!

     Then she had the nerve to come and speak to me! I was so surprised that I could only babble something about heating costs, the basement and perfectly flat three-inch rocks! Madness, I tell you! And the kid simply rushed off to the basement without even a thank you!

     Kids these days.

     For some reason, she rushed up again a few minutes later, pressed the ceiling button that I was guarding before she came along and poked her nose into everything, practically flew to the observatory, and was back in the basement again before I had a chance to ask her what was going on!

     The nerve of her!

     After a few repeats of this, she careened down the stairs of that rumoured-to-be-haunted observatory and practically bounced out in the direction of that archive! She had obviously snapped, gone around the loopy bend, yadda yadda yadda.

     A few minutes later, she was back again. More specifically, she jumped back up to the observatory. AND THE PRETTY LIGHTS ARE STILL OFF! THIS IS NOT THE WAY THINGS WORK!

     About a half hour or so later, she was along her merry way to the archivist. And guess what? NO LIGHTS LIT UP! I DEMAND RERARATIONS! I DEMAND SATISFACTION! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE! THIS MUST END!

     So, I had nothing to do, and fed my Vaeolus (for some reason, he can’t stand the sight of blueberry pie ever since his disappearance), and was about to drift off into a happy nap when – FWOOSH! The stone fire in the Betrayer’s hand turned to real fire!

     This was even better than the twinkling lights. If that pesky kid didn’t poke her face in, life would be perfect.

     Right on cue, the pesky kid appeared. The biggest grin ever was on her face. She practically bounced over to the statue of the Betrayer, and slipped this pretty amulet thing around the statue’s neck.

     Then cracks started to appear in the statue, and light shone out. And the statue exploded. Yep, you heard right. It exploded, and with a great deal of noise, I might add. The pesky kid wasn’t even scratched, but a piece hit me right on my forehead. Life isn’t fair.

     Then who should come in but Jerdana and Altador? They spoke with the pesky kid, while I was left to clean up the remains of the statue. Do you know how heavy enormous stone statues are?

     This settles it. I’m definitely moving away from Altador. To the Haunted Woods, perhaps? Nothing special is going to happen there, after all. My sense of intuition has never been wrong.

     Yes, to the Haunted Woods.

The End

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