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Pet Rock: Amazing Gift or Amazing Sham?

by thisillusionoflove


For your convenience, this is a unique list of several items your Neopet will not take kindly to receiving, and why. They especially won’t like receiving these items on holidays, or as birthday gifts. Please, take this article seriously, for your own safety! You don’t want to know what happened when I gave my Halloween Kougra (littlepouncermaster), a Broken Blue Fuzzle on his birthday. Or a Dr Sloth Pinata with yucky Eye Candy and Vanilla Spike Ball Candy inside it for him on New Year's Day back in Y5. Yeah, I don’t know if littlepouncemaster has forgiven me for that quite yet. I’ve been trying to make it up to him ever since by giving him a ridiculously expensive toy and some very yummy candy every single day and he still gives me the cold shoulder. But the repercussions get much worse than a simple cold shoulder... yes, you have been warned!

20 - Broken Fake Uni Hat

Not only is it fake, but it’s broken. Come on now, can’t you afford something real and in one piece? How would your Neopet even attempt to play with this?!

19 - Gumball Machine

Duh – your Neopet doesn’t have any neopoints! Instead of giving your precious, hard-earned Neopoints to him or her to receive a sub-par Gumball from a machine you’ve already bought, my advice is to give your Neopet a Pink Gormball Gumball instead—they are fabulously delicious—or so I’m told by my ecstatic Uni that received one just the other day.

18 - Fake Sloth Tattoo

Ewwww, even though it washes off does not make it morally correct. Who would want to put a tattoo of Sloth on their poor Neopets’ fur? :*(

17 - Broken Toy Sailboat

This toy has set its last sail. Go ahead and buy a normal Toy Sail Boat—or even better— a Super Toy Sail Boat, and your Neopet will love you forever, guaranteed!

16 - Sloth Faerie Plushie

If you’ve ever bought one of these things, I shake my fist in your general direction. I am disappointed in you. I think the actual description tacked onto the horrendous item says it quite well: “Ewwwww... Sloth isn’t a faerie!” Actually... any plushies or toys from the deserted fairground are really, really, really bad to give to your Neopets.

15 - Coconut Shy Kit

Sure, it’s a retired item, but have you ever tried to play the real Coconut Shy game? If the answer to that was ‘yes,’ then why, may I ask, is it OK for you to buy a replica of this horrid game for your Neopet?! Enough said. Don’t you dare invest in one of those for your Neopet.

14 - Bucket of Fake Snow

Uh... yeah. It’s snow. But it’s fake. I smell lame in this equation. Just spend the extra Neopoint and take your Neopets on vacation to Terror Mountain. You (and your Neopet!) won’t regret it. Say “Hi” to Donny for me while you’re visiting; you’ll have to take all the broken toys you’ve been buying for your poor Neopets to him so he can repair them all.

13 - Grarrl Action Figure

These are cute. Yeah, until they eat all your food. The food you spent 1,000 Neopoints on especially for them. After you purchase one of these suckers you will have to deal with your Neopet whining about how all of his or her Blumaroo Steak has mysteriously disappeared. Buy a Darigan Buzzer Action Figure instead – yeah, these buggers are still somewhat scary – but at least they won’t eat all of your food.

12 - Invisible Sand

There isn’t even any sand in there. No, it’s not a magic trick or an optical illusion put on by Sloth; it’s actually empty. Plain and simple. If you insist on getting them sand from Mystery Island, get them a bottle of Rainbow Sand or some Glowing Sand instead.

11 - Broken Red Chia Plushie

Have you taken a gander at how pathetic this plushie is? It doesn’t even half-way resemble a Chia. Poor thing! Spend the extra 150 Neopoints and give them what they really want: a new, never-before-used Red Chia Plushie, guaranteed to have eyes, and, *gasp* even a mouth. Besides, springs sticking out of a broken plushie? That has got to be a safety hazard.

10 - Bitten Red/Green Apple

This is obvious. If an item has a bite in it, it will probably have germs. Gross. And it was probably Sloth that took such a humongous bite out of it! It probably has an icky worm in it, too. Don’t subject your Neopet to this germy atrocity.

9 - Old Rotten Left / Right Shoe

Oh, let me guess. You picked this thing up at the Money Tree or while you were fishing and decided that it was about time you gave your Neopet something comfortable to wear on his or her poor, achy feet. No. Buying this for your Neopet is just like saying “I could have gotten you nice shoes... but going to the Money Tree and picking some up for free was so much easier and less costly!”

8 - Abominable Snowball

It would make for a marvelous pet for your Neopet, but you have to rather keep it in the freezer or just, you know, reside in Terror Mountain for it to stay alive. My advice is to purchase a Fire Abominable Snowball instead, so it cancels out. Erm, wait... never mind. That only made sense for a split second. Don’t do that either.

7 - Grundo Sloth Sock Puppet

While a Grundo from Planet Weird (otherwise known as Kreludor) may enjoy this toy, I guarantee you that any normal pet would not. Get them a cute sock puppet, like a Quiggle Sock Puppet, instead.

6 - Dung Arm Chair (or any Dung Furniture)

Dung smells horrendous. Dung looks bad in your Neohome. Dung furniture even crumbles when you attempt to sit in it or use it in any way. It is not a good idea to give to your Neopet any type of Dung on his or her birthday—and don’t be fooled—not even Rainbow Dung is good enough. I suggest a fine Lavender Faerie Chair for your Neohome instead.

5 - Dull Grey Pearl

Come on, out of all of the beautiful jewelry you could get your Neopet, you decided on the cheap Dull Grey Pearl?! If so, I have news for you: your Neopet is upset with your tactics. Next time, splurge and get him or her a Beautiful Golden Ring.

4 – 1/3 Plain Omelette

Oh joy, it’s a 1/3 Plain Omelette. It’s 2/3 of the way eaten, and it’s plain. How... yummy. I suggest a delectable full Meat Feast Omelette instead.

3 - Snail Sub

Let’s not fool ourselves; it’s not escargot if it came from The Deserted Fairground. A first-class restaurant (such as Kelp) would never, ever sell something like this, so do not be fooled! If your Neopet is a Seafood lover, I suggest going to that very restaurant and buying your Neopet the Ocean Platter. Or the Fish Special. Both are delightful.

2 - Mummy Bandage Ball

I’ll tell you why this ball is a sub-par toy: Newsflash! ***This toy unravels and falls completely apart when you try to play catch with it.*** Not only that, but how gross is it to play catch with something that was once used to wrap up a... oh, never mind. You get the idea.

1 – (Pet) Rock

It’s a pet rock. It doesn’t do much. Well, no... I take it back; it doesn’t do anything. Your Neopet won’t have much fun with this one at all. I suggest adopting an Island Faellie for your Neopet instead; they are super cute! ^_^

There are several other items your Neopet won’t enjoy nor appreciate, items that will just plain leave your Neopet feeling either disgruntled... or, you know, physically ill. However, these are the items that I have decided to compile into a list for specific reasons that are unbeknownst to you. And remember, Neopets don’t take kindly to receiving broken, bitten or half-eaten, boring, slimy, or just plain gross items. Yes, yes... you have been warned!

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